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TexasLonghorn · Jul 21, 2009, 07:33 AM

Threads merged

Hey--

Me and my boyfriend of 8 months broke up just over a month ago. I have done the NC and defriended him on Facebook (which I had to do or I would review his page every night).

Like many of you I have good days and some days where I am sad.

One thing I really dread is that "first" encounter we have... When friends ask me to go out my first thought is "I wonder if he will be there"

I broke up with him when I found out he was doing stuff behind my back but I do miss him. We had great chemistry, however, I did all the work in the relationship and made the emotional investment... and then got burnt.

He is very emotionaless on the outside so I know when I see him he will be smiling and waving acting all happy. This will probably hurt the most.

Any tips on how you handled seeing your ex out for the first time??

Thanks

liz28 · Jul 21, 2009, 07:51 AM

You can be nice if the two of you ever cross paths. No long conversations or going out of your way to speak to him but saying hi in passing is okay. Then keep it moving.

I wouldn't worry nor focus too much on seeing him. Go hang out from your friends and have a good time. You owe it yourself instead of being stuck in the house with nothing but your emotions.

Seeing doesn't have to be a bad thing if you were to run into him and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger--remember that. Get out and live while you still have life in you.

jjwoodhull · Jul 21, 2009, 08:14 AM

Just say hi and keep moving. If you ignore him, he will read into it. If you spend time chatting, you will jeopardize the progress you have made.

Don't stay home just to avoid him.

jmw0713 · Jul 21, 2009, 08:33 AM

I had a run in with my ex about a month ago at a baseball game. One of our mutually friends invited me and her to the same game...

The initial shock got me a little, but after that, I just treated her like I treat any other friend. I'm not going to say it was easy, but it did get slightly easier to deal with as the night went on.

We basically sat next to each other and talked. It was nice, but sort of painful at the same time. We were both polite and respectful of each other. Neither of us threw our new relationships/sexual conquests in each others faces. I just treated her like another one of my friends.

Deep down, I still have feelings, that's why I haven't seen her since. For a few days after seeing her, some of the pain definitely resurfaced. It sucked, but it wasn't as bad as before. I don't think I will be hanging out with her anytime in the near future, unless something like this happens again... :rolleyes:

If you do see them while you're out, be courteous and polite and say Hi. If it's too painful to talk any further, just tell him you need to get back to your friends and walk away. He will get the hint and you will suffer less.

jmjoseph · Jul 21, 2009, 08:43 AM

It will be uncomfortable I'm sure, but life goes on. What did he do behind your back? Cheat? Drugs? Obviously something bad enough to call it quits. You need to carry on though, soon you will be over it completely. The days you miss him, remember what it was that made you leave, remember the bad. Don't try to cling onto the shred of good. You did nothing, so don't put yourself in exile over a break-up. Good luck to you.

TexasLonghorn · Jul 21, 2009, 10:03 AM

What did he do behind my back? He posted Internet ads looking for sex. No way I can put up with that... put it hurts when prior to that you thought all was well and he was "the one"

Romefalls19 · Jul 21, 2009, 02:54 PM

Short, simple and civil. Don't over think it, just say "hi" and move on. Avoid the chit chat, no one expects you to be friendly to him, except for maybe him.

Torrid13 · Jul 21, 2009, 02:58 PM

Seeing as how you broke up recently, I wouldn't make your conversation any longer than "Hello."

I wouldn't sit or stand by him either, as prolonged close contact will probably eat you alive. Be courteous, but don't go out of your way to make him feel comfortable or wanted.

He's a douchebag that crushed your heart. He doesn't even deserve to be in the same room as you!

TexasLonghorn · Jul 28, 2009, 08:14 AM

Threads merged.

So today I am missing the ex... its been 1.5 months since we broke up. He cheated but I still have times when I miss him.

I defriended him on Facebook but today I stumbled on someone else's photos and saw a picture of him smiling and drinking. Ugh... Of course there are pics of me smiling which he may have seen... it's not like I am sitting around crying...

But just seeing him floods back memories. Plus seeing his good looks brings tears to the eyes.

I had to vent. Someone better is out there I know... it just sucks when you think he was "the one"... but "the one" would not cheat.

A set-back is a set-up for something better!!

reckless · Jul 28, 2009, 08:16 AM

Block him so you can't creep.

kctiger · Jul 28, 2009, 08:19 AM

Been there, done that. You handle your emotions then move on. No worries!

Chey5782 · Jul 28, 2009, 08:24 AM

Yep, been there. I keep a few of mine blocked simply because I don't want to subject myself to them if I can help it. That jarring moment always sucks. You aren't alone. :o:o

bella99 · Jul 28, 2009, 09:06 AM

You are definitely not alone. I haven't had the guts to defriend my ex. It really wouldn't help anyway because we literally have like 40 friends in common so I always see their photos when they put them up. He's always smiliing and having fun. But I have like 200 new photos of me smiling, having fun, sky diving, going new places - so I'm sure he's kind of going through the same thing. Facebook is the worst thing in the world for relationships though - when he changed his status to single I wanted to kill him.

Life goes on though. Ugh.

DrJ · Jul 28, 2009, 09:13 AM

It's only been 1.5 months... as the heart-breakee, I think you still entitled to reminisce.

I still stumble upon my ex's from like 3 ex's ago every now and then..

Well, "stumble" that is :D

jmw0713 · Jul 28, 2009, 11:35 AM

Time to stay off Facebook for a while.

carlson92 · Jul 28, 2009, 01:02 PM

I'm super active in Facebook... lol, but I always resist myself by not sneaking to see my ex's profile and since last week or two, I don't even bother to look for her name to see what's her doing or new profile picture (although she is cute and is really really hard to resist) but I did. Of course, I remember stuff very well, that's why most of her pictures I can remember but is just a friendly gesture. All my mind now is focus on my new girlfriend. :)

Don't worry, you'll make it. :)

Romefalls19 · Jul 28, 2009, 02:53 PM

These social networking sites are the devil to break ups. When I went through mine, I got off myspace for 3 months, joined Facebook only to be followed there by my ex. I fought the urge to stray onto her site a few times. I never felt the urge after the 4th month though, maybe take a break from Facebook if you can't handle the memories.

naturallydelici · Jul 28, 2009, 02:59 PM

Agreed! Facebook is the devil...

My own experiences involve pictures of the ex with other people. Ugh.

Handy thing I learned, just in case some of us don't know: there's a function on Facebook that allows you to "block" people. Which means you can defriend a person, but you might still see pictures or updates of them on like mutual friends' pages. But, if you "block" them, it's like they disappear and just don't exist, even on other people's pages. Win. I think it's under privacy settings.

Romefalls19 · Jul 28, 2009, 03:08 PM

A quick tip on how to avoid those updates on other peoples pages:

Don't have mutual friends, it's key!

puppydoggie · Jul 28, 2009, 03:10 PM

I don't have Facebook for that very reason- do you actually need it? You where perfectly fine before it came about