[smolen123]

OK so about two months ago is when I first met my girlfriend but we been going out since December,so about 5months now.were doing a long distance relationship but since I been back from visiting her its gotten really hard on us especially me.while I was down there for a month we got really close and shared a lot of new experience together.but I also found out a lot of things I didn't like.like she's cheated on all her ex boyfriends.she had 3 guys naked in her phone well they were old so I'm unsure if I should be mad about that.and I catch her lying about petty stuff.and she never told me that she had a boyfriend while we first started going out.but while I was down there she did a lot for me and told me and shared with me a lot of personal things.so this is why I haven't left her.but I get a big vibe that's she's being less then honest about something's so I'm unsure of what to do at this point

[amicon]

Something's not right here,and I would go by my gut instinct.

If she has,by her own admission, cheated on all previous boyfriends,would you ever be able to trust her?

[Jake2008]

If I were dating someone who told me they cheated on multiple boyfriends, and saw naked pictures of old men on the cell phone, I wouldn't jump into that relationship at all.

Someone with a track record like that, has a past that is made up of cheating and lying, isn't likely to change their spots.

Proof in the pudding is that right up until recently, she was cheating on her boyfriend while she was with you.

I would walk to the nearest exit, grab a taxi, and call it a night. In other words, get out while you can, and before you invest too much of yourself.

You are surely setting yourself up for disappointment.

[smolen123]

I have all ready invested myself into her.but we are takeing a break because she feels I invaded her privacy because I looked threw her phone,but she said it was OK before I did it.but I deleted one of the pictures and she said I had no right to do that.I deleted it over 2months ago and she just noticed 2 days ago.maby I should stay broken up with her?also it really bothered me today that to day we were txting and she said "hold on ' and 3 hours later she txt me back.when i ask what she been up to she keeps it really short saying "nothing shoping"and right after that is when she says we need to take a break.my gut says she's up to something, my mind says she's trying to change and my heart says I love her so try to fix it.so should I just up and leave her not knowing what she is doing? And assume the worst or should I stay because I think she's trying to do good and because I love her??

[Jake2008]

You are going to have to try to set your strong feelings for her aside, and really take a good hard look at her behaviour.

Your gut is telling you something- go slow, be cautious, and see the truth.

She sounds unstable to me, and sometimes those that need rescuing (even from themselves) make us into protectors and somehow see them as victims of circumstance, rather than authors of their own problems.

We all make mistakes in love. But, most of us learn from them. When a person uses other people, or needs others to rescue them, or save them from repeating history (in her case with multiple boyfriends), they themselves have not changed.

To this girl, she goes from boyfriend to boyfriend, and likely juggles one or two at a time. She doesn't learn what went wrong or why after a breakup, but quickly replaces one boyfriend with another, looking for somebody else to solve her problems.

But, they are all like replacement bulbs, and they burn out quickly with her.

It is up to you to determine what kind of person she is and you can only do that by her behaviour and actions.

Might be better to find someone who you don't have that gut feeling about that they are not quite telling the truth, or have a track record of lying and cheating. That lifestyle of many boyfriends doesn't show, to me at least, that she has learned enough, or cared to learn more about herself, as to why she chooses that path. Obviously her needs are being met in some areas or she would have matured more by now, or turned her life around a bit and figured out what it is about her, that stops her from doing what she does.

Relationships are a lot of work, and a very personal investment of yourself. Think about the type of relationship you want and need, and weigh your options carefully with this one.

[smolen123]

This makes a lot of sense and ima try my best to stay broken up it won't be easy but ill try my hardest


So far its been today's and wee talking and speak like normal should I stop talking to her completely? I have felt the urge to try to get her back but I haven't

[Jake2008]

If you can reasonably ignore her, that's probably a good thing to do. It won't be possible by the sound of things to totally 100% avoid her, but, if you have to talk to her at all, keep it short and simple.

Stay strong smolen.

[Romefalls19]

Stop responding to her texts. She's playing you, anyone can see that. She has all the signs of it

[smolen123]

OK thank you I'm ready to see how this goes

[smolen123]

Threads merged and spell checked.


OK me and my ex have been broken up for about two weeks now.and we been trying to fix things.sometimes it goes really good between us like today we were texting all day flirting and having fun.then she said "i still love you and and have the same feelings for you" and I "said ok me two so are you ready to give it another go??" then it went kind of bad she started to change the subject several times. Then got very angry because I said that we are not kids we could talk about this in a mature way.I'm unsure why but that made her very upset and she said I'm moving on you better do the same then after a few text messages I decide to let her be so she could calm down.now I'm not sure how I should approach her:confused:

[CarrotTalker]

1) How old are you two?
2) How long have you been dating?
3) What are the reasons you broke up and the problems you are trying to fix?

It sounds like she didn't like the pressure when you asked if you guys could give it another go.

[Showme_urmove]

That's so easy man, She wants to see other people but put you on the side.
Sounds like, she only uses you for her to feel better. Meaning she will talk to you when she's lonely, or when she feels alone but when she's out with her friends then she will put you on the side. What will happen when she starts talking to other guys, what would you do, would you still wait for her and hope things don't go good between her and him.
She doesn't know her feelings for you, and if I were you I won't waist anymore time with that kind of person. She is selfish and only thinks about her own feeling.
If she really do care and love the relationship, then why isn't she with you? Why is she not your GF, why are you trying to fight to get her back? She doesn't care about the relationship and she also doesn't want to be alone, so she's keeping you on the side just in case if things don't go her way she has you as a safety net. That to me sounds like it's a game, and if you keep letting her she will keep playing that game with you. Go NC and give her what she wants and don't come back.

[smolen123]

Were 21 and 18we have been going out 5moths and basically she was mad that I deleted a picture of a naked man out of her phone.but it was old, sense before we went out. I already said sorry for it she,also she gave me permission to go threw her phone but got mad when I did. And she got mad about it 2months later.she said I invaded her space but I don't know how I did that if I had permission? I went threw it because I thought something was up because of the way she acted one night also because I'm very nosey and she knew that.and this last 2weeks this has been giving strang signs.that I'm unsure what to think of

It sounds like she didn't like the pressure when you asked if you guys could give it another go.

I told her to take her time and don't rush it.and that I'm willing to wait because I love her but don't keep me wait forever

[Sunagin]

This sounds almost exactly like me... and I'll tell you what everyone told me: let her go. I know EXACTLY how it feels to love someone so much but to feel like they don't love you in return. I've gone through my guys phone before and deleted things I didn't like, and had him get all mad at me blah blah blah, but you know what? I'm glad I did. I never would have found out otherwise.

I've been used as a safety net too. When my boyfriend left me, his relationship with this other (boring) chick didn't last, and we ended up getting back together, but it was never the same as it was in the beginning.

No amount of people saying "leave her" is going to change your mind, (trust me I've been there) you have to decide what's good for yourself. If you want to wait and see, I'm not going to judge you (because that would make me a total hypocite).

I wish you the best of luck. Trust yourself and your gut instincts.

[smolen123]

So is nc the best way to go? because I feel that's what people tell me is right, she's up to something

[Sunagin]

If you feel she's up to something... she probably is.

I thought my boyfriend was cheating on me with his ex... and when I dug around.. yeah.. he was :(

Give yourself some space and time to think things over. I'm finding that being distant is helping me see things clearer, maybe it will work for you.

Very little contact or NC

[Cat1864]

Please keep all questions about the same subject in the same thread. It helps people follow the story and give more accurate advice.

You barely know this girl. You know she has supposedly cheated on others in the past. Even if she were straight up with you and didn't get upset at you deleting something off her phone (looking is not permission to change anything) or act strange in any way, you would probably still be looking for signs and hints of something being wrong. Trust doesn't seem to be very strong in this relationship.

Let her go to live her life, you live yours. It's a long distance relationship so going NC should be easy if you really want to move on. Heal and then find someone you can trust.

[talaniman]

what should I think

You should think she has her own agenda and motives and will do to you what she has done to others.

or do

Leave her alone and stop trying to change or fix things. People are what they are.