[NJCUTIE77]

Hi.. I am going to explain my entire situation to you all... hopefully it makes sense... But for some background info.. my boyfriend is a bipolar and also has OCD.. so I have a feeling this all plays a major role in ALL OF THIS! Maybe be long, but please read on:

I've been a wreck these past few days... I'm just very confused about what's going on... To make a long story short... Bryan (my boyfriend)moved into this house with this jerky guy.. He's a 40 year old man who has a beer pong table in the house, parties like 5 nights a week to cover bands, hangs out with all 20 year olds, in a band.. and addiced to myspace... Just a weird guy if you ask me.. . Anyway, the guy got along great with me until one night we went out and there was this girl there I was talking to... These other girls showed up and I asked the one girl if she knew them and she said yeah, that her boyfriend supposedly hooked up with one... And I said that I heard about that... THAT WAS IT I SAID... Well the girl went back and said something to her boyfriend... twisting words around and the 40 year old roommate got mad... So, after that incident he was rude to me every time I went over there... Then all of a sudden I started getting text messages sent to my phone by an unknown number... and they would say things like, "your boyfriend is cheating" among other things... Well, I told bryan and he confronted the people in the house about it... And the guy got pissed off... And then after that, there has been a lot of arguing there and such... And the guy starts bad mouthing me saying things like, "she doesn't want you here so she's doing it to her self"... Stupid stuff and that he's going to sue me for deformation of character (LOL) because I tell people he's sending them lol... Stupid guy... So, this past weekend, bryan was supposedly late with the utility bill and the guy called him at work ing about it... Then told him he was irresponsible and should leave. Well... he got very very pissed off about it because now he has to find a storage place and find a new place to live... This all happened on Sunday... And the conversation we had was fine until that issue came up... So, I told him that I felt terrible about it and that maybe I should leave because I felt like I was ruining his life... Even though none of this is my fault... But I feel so bad about it... He was like, "what is that going to accomplish".. And I was just like I don' tknow... So he said he wanted to call me later... And I haven't heard from him in 3 days... And stupid me.. I sent him flowers at his work today... I have never done that with a guy in my life... But I don't want this to end over this stupid crap... Now to what recently happenned:

So, on Saturday we met with each other around like 7:30... I pretty much laid everything out on the line.. Some of the things that he said were like, "did you give those girls a bad look and not realize bc I know sometimes you can come off as intimidating", "did that guy really say that to you"... (remember I told you about the instance with the friend with the guitar and I asked him to play something and got that snide remark), "can we agree that sometimes you say things (because I am frank) and people take it the wrong way"... it was almost as though he was indirectly blaming me for things. I laid everything out on the table and explained to him, "why would I have straightened everything out with that guy, why would I have told you to take the bigger room, why would I have bought you stuff for your place, why would I have tried to smooth things over with jay, if I really wanted you out of there"... Most of the time he was extremely quiet... and he was sniffling the whole time... He could barely look at me and when he did, he had such sadness on his face... his eyes were full... So, then we sat in silence for a little while... I was really bad crying... and he said, "I think we need a break"... "I need to sort through things... everything is a mess... I have to find a place to live, I have no idea what's going on, they want me out of that house asap, etc...etc.. and I just need the time to just deal with all of this because it's a big deal"... So, I didn't argue with the break... I did say to him though, "i hope you find a place and i could be part of it" and he said, "i hope you will be too"... then I took my stuff and started walking out... His mother gave me a key chain that says, "I love Bryan"... I took it off and gave it to him along with the sticker that said, "i love you" on my phone... and he got upset saying, "see... there has to be compromise.. you get upset and walk out... that's not what I meant"... So, I sat back down and was like, "well what does 'take a break' mean.. I never did this before" and he was like, "neither have i"... and he proceeded to say that I just need a month or something to sort through things blah blah.. I said, "well what do we do... do you want me to date other people because I do not want to do that". He shook his head... then I said, "do you want me to wait" and he shook his head yes... so I said I would think about that... And he proceeded to say that he knows that sometimes a break will make things better and stronger or something... who knows... but he said, "i will call you"... So, then I told him that I didn't bring his stuff with me and I was like, "i could drop it off at your house or hold on to it" and he was just like, "hold on to it".. he owes me money from when he was sick and he had like $500... but I told him to give me the full amount in Cash. So, on that I walked to my car.. He came up behind me and hugged me and was crying a lot.. like tears coming down... the hug was very tight.. and he just kept saying, "I will call you, you will be ok, I will call you"... and I let go and was getting in my car and he went to hug me again... that was it... then I was pretty hysterical... But, I just don't understand any of this at all... It is all so sudden... and I really think that a lot of this has to do with the illness because I know that bryan doesn't think the same way you or I do... So, I don't know... but I am crushed... I really want things to work... but this month for myself I am just going to stay mellow and think about things that I want... If it works, I think we need to put everything out there and I would need to have to have a serious talk with him about all of this... Sometimes I have a good feeling about it, but others I feel like he will never call and want to work.. He knows how much I love him... and frankly, I think if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be where he is... and I hope he realizes all that stuff... All I could really do now is just wait and hope... So, that is the story... I am kind of just numb about everything... No, I'm not OK and I probably won't be for a while.. but I do know that when he calls I am not going to show a hint of sadness to him... His sister said that he thinks about a future with me... that maybe this was a blessing in disguise meaning that something worse would have happened with the roommate later on... how could he let a two and a half relationship go over this... he probably doesn't even feel badly about it.. Please help!:confused: :(

[Saintas]

Don't worry , he loves you , give him space right now .I think he will call you soon.

[NJCUTIE77]

I really don't know what is going to happen... dealing with Bryan has been quite an experience... I do know that I love him lots and he was my best friend.. and not only did I lose the relationship thus far, but I lost my best friend... I also think throughout the relationship with everything now that I think about it... I think Bryan was insecure in a lot of ways... I was the stable one and the one in control... I had a good job and a good growing up life.. meaning I was financially well off... and I think that bothered him... he always brought up money and always thought that I expected him to buy me fancy things and stuff like that, which I never did, but once again that was part of his illness and insecurity... YOU TELL ME... What girl do you really know would put up with everything I did.. I supported him through a very bad mania and depression. Never left his side... The only answer I could think of is someone who is weak and insecure themselves... and although I am none of those... maybe a bit insecure at the time... but definitely not weak... I guess I was just a good person that believed in bryan and he would somehow realize that... because when I was discussing this last night, this one girl said her cousin has OCD and bipolar and it is very very hard for him to hold relationships... either the girls left, or he would have drastic moods and wasn't able to handle things kind of like bryan. Remember too that I was bryans first REAL relationship.. he had another before me for like 6 months and the girl was a nut... she had mental issues as well... but all the other girls bryan slept with and dated never committed to him and those lasted 2 months at the most.

[Saintas]

You are confused now and he is confused .But why to you think he cry and huge you? He loves you and I really think he want little time to cool of > You love him too, have patience , trust and faith and give him little time . Support him giving space . He is insecure and you are more stronger . It was a nonsense mess created and you both were catch in and now you both must to have a time alone to cool of.

[NJCUTIE77]

Good Lord, I hope you are right!!

[Saintas]

I don't want to to give you eventually false hope but my instinct tell me so and I believe you two have too much for each other from what I've read here.

[LUNAGODDESS]

The first mistake you made was to tell a girl “...And I said that I heard about that...” Sweety, in an era of who is not a harlot or whom is a harlot... the uses of the words “I heard” in your case was uses to give the impression that a negative statement was made about one of her female friends/associates. Some people strive for drama. If, you do not like drama keep away from making the questionable responses. Guess what... you now the jerk... according to them. I do not believe you are though. For many make the same mistake. In the future keep the conversations between you and the one you are communicating with, if, you plan on having sex in the future.

Your 40 year old roommate is immature. He is experiencing his youth over again. He needs young women that are limited in experiences and expect nothing for they know nothing ( in some cases especially not he women on this board).

Example “...THAT WAS IT I SAID... Well the girl went back and said something to her boyfriend...twisting words around and the 40 year old roommate got mad...”

You are this man’s roommate and his first response should have been in support of you. The words that should have exited his mouth were “that does not sound like him ...could you be mistaken” instead he found you to be the enemy thus preventing him (the 40 year old ) from having a freaky moment(withone of the women that were at his gathering).

“...about it be now he has to find a storage place and find a new place to live... This all happened on Sunday... And the conversation we had was fine until that issue came up... So, I told him that I felt terrible about it and that maybe I should leave because I felt like I was ruining his life...”

Never should you have told this guy that you have ruined his life. This guy now have ammunition to use against you... that statement was a wrong move... Dude! Never say you are sorry if, you have not done a thing. It is better to live in peace with yourself... by expressing an honest statement. A small lie will grow into a big one for you will have to cover that lie for the rest of your life or until you cannot take it anymore mentally.

What you are going through is growing pains. You seem to be a warm and caring, capable human being, do not give that up to fit in. As for your friends take this one friend at a time... call or write one of your friends and ask that person out for coffee and the coffee is on your dime. It will take time so be patient. Direct the conversation towards forgive and forget. Yeah, this is going to be a battle... if you love for this person the battle is worth the challenge.

Again you are just fine... I am gratiful to read that the world do hold people like you... continue

[NJCUTIE77]

LunaGoddess... no offense, but I think you need to read my post a little more thoroughly... This isn't my roommate... it was my boyfriends... The girl I was speaking about in your first paragraph... she told me that HER boyfriend apparently hooked up with this other girl that was there at the time and I told her I heard about it... that was it... nothing more... no impressions.. no nothing... She already knew about it from someone else...

I think you need to read my post... My boyfriend lived in the house.. HIS roommate was the 40 year olds.. not mine... and at the time when this happened, my boyfriend was supporting me...

About the "feeling like it's my fault thing"... Well, I said that because this whole thing just circulated around me... He knows that it's not my fault.. and you have to understand that my boyfriend is mentally ill... and unfortunately his roommate was feeding information to him and his OCD makes him think repeatative thoughts... even though he knows they are wrong, they still play on his mind constantly which causes him to question things.. Anyone who has this illness as severe as my boyfriend Bryan has these thoughts and people will this illness are not able to cope with stress and noncontrolable issues which is what I think he thought this was...

I am not trying to be harsh and please understand that my mood as well is just bitter about this whole thing and confused... but I just don't understand how something like this could have happened with something so stupid.. and therefore think that his illness has something to do with it... This was a two and a half year relationship... I am just hoping he realizes how much I love him and care about him... and that he will eventually call me.. however, I know by that time my feelings may have changed about the situation and right now I need to concentrate on me... But for what it's worth, He was very mentally ill and I, as a stable human being accepted his illness and him.. which all the other girls have fled.

[LUNAGODDESS]

After reading your response... I missed understood... I was probably thinking you could be talking about yourself and have no courage to say you are... my fault for over thinking... that happens sometimes.(smile) Now, then comes this response. Why are you into some-one's else's' business? Let your boyfriend (hope I got it right) handle his own business. He does not need another mommy. He has one! Do not tell me you are just the concern girl friend. Please don't. Keep out of toxic relationships and keep from hanging around with those that encourage toxic fumes to encircle you or it will consume you.

[NJCUTIE77]

Oh Believe me... this whole time all this mess was going on in that house with my boyfriend and the roommate saying all this stuff about me and this whole entire situation with the text messages and arguing, I was sitting home recovering from surgery... I never spoke to the roommate or anyone for that matter.. My boyfriend was handling things with him and was on my side at the time until this... I told him at one point that I won't go to that house anymore because I did not want to put myself into a wrong situation with very immature people... and he started to look for something else willingly... it wasn't until when the guy called him to about the utility bill and then told him to get out and brought up everything about me again did my boyfriend not call me for 5 days and then tell me he needs a break... The only explanation I can come up with is it's his illness doing this to him.. he can't handle the stress and if he can't handle something like this over and two and a half year relationship, then good luck with him handling another girl... Everytime we have come to a stress issue he has said I need space, but we usually fixed it... this one dealt with his living situation and the guy saying things that he over processess information... If you know about OCD and bipolar it's easier to understand... It was all so sudden and weird... and this entire situation circled around me.I went to see my therapist yesterday and she's 100% it's the illness that is making him do this... the thoughts... she said that it doesn't sound definite and if it was, he wouldn't have given you a time line and cried and wanted me to wait.. but now she said that it's up to you to think about everything and if this is how you want the remainder of your life to be... so sad... and I don't think I do, but I love him and accepted him for what he was.. all his other relationships failed.

[Saintas]

Any chance that his doormat to anonymously text you BF like happened to you, or tell him something(bad) about you

[LUNAGODDESS]

Honey, I am on my second relationship. The second one has lasted more than 25+ years. And I know what you are going though. I know you love him and you feel more like you are his only friend. But, Honey... give him the space. Please give him the space. Your professional is right it is up to you. You will not be a bad person, if, you leave now. Let him gather the information necessary for his recovery and you... just be there to take him to his therapy. Honey, you are not a bad person if, you decided to cover yourself from the toxic fumes. Be concern and be supportive but keep out of his business... oh, got a question does he act like he is needy? Did he ask you to involve yourself in his battles? Another question did your boy friend receive a 30 day notice? Remind him of that problem.. since you continue to feel that you need to be in his business... look how you reeled me in...

[NJCUTIE77]

Umm.. my boyfriend wasn't receiving any texts about me... this guy just would feed his head with bad thoughts about me... and that's when the OCD takes over...

Lunagoddess... I don't really understand what you are asking me... This whole mess started because of me.. the roommate for some reason didn't like me and then started sending me the messages... I did not do or say anything during this whole thing... my boyfriend would come and tell me what the roommate would say and this is all while I was at home recovering... Whatever 'battles' were going on, were going on between this guy and my boyfriend and last thing I knew he told my boyfriend to leave the house which is what then caused the 'break"... My boyfriend or ex whatever you want to call him isn't very needy... I mean he needs attention and likes attention from me, but not clingy.

[JGI]

Hi.. I am going to explain my entire situation to you all... hopefully it makes sense...But for some background info.. my boyfriend is a bipolar and also has OCD.. so I have a feeling this all plays a major role in ALL OF THIS! Maybe be long, but please read on:

I've been a wreck these past few days...I'm just very confused about what's going on... To make a long story short... Bryan (my boyfriend)moved into this house with this jerky guy.. He's a 40 year old man who has a beer pong table in the house, parties like 5 nights a week to cover bands, hangs out with all 20 year olds, in a band..and addiced to myspace... Just a weird guy if you ask me. .. Anyways, the guy got along great with me until one night we went out and there was this girl there I was talking to... These other girls showed up and I asked the one girl if she knew them and she said yeah, that her boyfriend supposedly hooked up with one... And I said that I heard about that... THAT WAS IT I SAID... Well the girl went back and said something to her boyfriend...twisting words around and the 40 year old roommate got mad...So, after that incident he was rude to me everytime I went over there... Then all of a sudden I started getting text messages sent to my phone by an unknown number...and they would say things like, "your boyfriend is cheating" among other things... Well, I told bryan and he confronted the people in the house about it... And the guy got pissed off... And then after that, there has been a lot of arguing there and such... And the guy starts bad mouthing me saying things like, "she doesn't want you here so she's doing it to her self"... Stupid stuff and that he's going to sue me for deformation of character (LOL) bc I tell people he's sending them lol.... Stupid guy....So, this past weekend, bryan was supposedly late with the utility bill and the guy called him at work ing about it... Then told him he was irresponsible and should leave. Well...he got very very pissed off about it bc now he has to find a storage place and find a new place to live... This all happenned on Sunday... And the conversation we had was fine until that issue came up... So, I told him that I felt terrible about it and that maybe I should leave because I felt like I was ruining his life... Even though none of this is my fault... But I feel so bad about it... He was like, "what is that going to accomplish".. And I was just like I don' tknow... So he said he wanted to call me later... And I haven't heard from him in 3 days... And stupid me.. I sent him flowers at his work today...I have never done that with a guy in my life... But I don't want this to end over this stupid crap...Now to what recently happenned:

So, on Saturday we met with each other around like 7:30... I pretty much laid everything out on the line.. Some of the things that he said were like, "did you give those girls a bad look and not realize bc I know sometimes you can come off as intimidating", "did that guy really say that to you"... (remember I told you about the instance with the friend with the guitar and I asked him to play something and got that snide remark), "can we agree that sometimes you say things (because I am frank) and people take it the wrong way"... it was almost as though he was indirectly blaming me for things. I laid everything out on the table and explained to him, "why would I have straightened everything out with that guy, why would I have told you to take the bigger room, why would I have bought you stuff for your place, why would I have tried to smooth things over with jay, if I really wanted you out of there".... Most of the time he was extremely quiet... and he was sniffling the whole time... He could barely look at me and when he did, he had such sadness on his face...his eyes were full.... So, then we sat in silence for a little while...I was really bad crying... and he said, "I think we need a break"... "I need to sort through things... everything is a mess... I have to find a place to live, I have no idea what's going on, they want me out of that house asap, etc...etc.. and I just need the time to just deal with all of this because it's a big deal"... So, I didn't argue with the break... I did say to him though, "i hope you find a place and i could be part of it" and he said, "i hope you will be too".... then I took my stuff and started walking out... His mother gave me a key chain that says, "I love Bryan"... i took it off and gave it to him along with the sticker that said, "i love you" on my phone... and he got upset saying, "see... there has to be compromise.. you get upset and walk out... that's not what I meant"... So, I sat back down and was like, "well what does 'take a break' mean.. I never did this before" and he was like, "neither have i"... and he proceeded to say that I just need a month or something to sort through things blah blah.. I said, "well what do we do... do you want me to date other people because I do not want to do that". He shook his head... then I said, "do you want me to wait" and he shook his head yes... so I said I would think about that... And he proceeded to say that he knows that sometimes a break will make things better and stronger or something... who knows... but he said, "i will call you"... So, then I told him that I didn't bring his stuff with me and I was like, "i could drop it off at your house or hold on to it" and he was just like, "hold on to it".. he owes me money from when he was sick and he had like $500... but I told him to give me the full amount in Cash. So, on that I walked to my car.. He came up behind me and hugged me and was crying a lot.. like tears coming down... the hug was very tight.. and he just kept saying, "I will call you, you will be ok, I will call you"... and I let go and was getting in my car and he went to hug me again.... that was it... then I was pretty hysterical... But, I just don't understand any of this at all....It is all so sudden... and I really think that a lot of this has to do with the illness because i know that bryan doesn't think the same way you or I do.... So, I don't know... but I am crushed... I really want things to work.... but this month for myself I am just going to stay mellow and think about things that I want.... If it works, I think we need to put everything out there and I would need to have to have a serious talk with him about all of this....Sometimes I have a good feeling about it, but others I feel like he will never call and want to work.. He knows how much I love him... and frankly, I think if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be where he is...and I hope he realizes all that stuff... All I could really do now is just wait and hope....So, that is the story... I am kind of just numb about everything... No, I'm not ok and I probably won't be for a while.. but I do know that when he calls I am not going to show a hint of sadness to him.... His sister said that he thinks about a future with me.... that maybe this was a blessing in disguise meaning that something worse would have happenned with the roommate later on... how could he let a two and a half relationship go over this... he probably doesn't even feel badly about it...? Please help!:confused: :(

I suggest you read "Sex, Love or Infatuation" by Dr. Ray E. Short and ask yourself the questions he asks about the relationship. Is it based mostly on friendship or is it mostly sexual? How many things about him attract you? Do your friends and relatives approve of him? Etc. If it looks like real love, then he probably feels the same way about you that you do about him, and you should eventually be fine. Use the time away to work on being your own best self. When a relationship is coming apart, treat the other person like a tether ball. If you try to grasp him, he'll usually go away, but if you push away gently, he will very often go away and then return with a stronger attachment to you.

Good luck!

[NJCUTIE77]

I don't really need to read a book to see what my feelings are... He is my best friend... we share a very close bond.. the sex is great.. but also meaningful.. it means something every time we would make love and he would look at me and tell me he loves me and then hold me for hours... We are together as a couple... it's definitely not infatuation especially after two years. I would not have gone through what I did if I just "liked" him or just liked the sex or something... My family really likes him and his family treated me like a second daughter... infact two days before this happened, his mother took me to see the Christmas show in NYC with the "girls"... And when I was recovering from surgery, his mom and sister came to help and spend the day... It was / is an intense relationship... and because of his condition, I think the 'break" was because of that mainly... all I could do is hope he misses me as much and realizes how many feelings he has.

[Saintas]

So, give him time to miss you , don't lose hope , there is a lot for you .

[NJCUTIE77]

You are a very positive person.. I wish I could feel that way! :)

[Saintas]

All we can do is to hope that love will conquered all and finally win .
I really hope this will be you case in the end .

[ordinaryguy]

Being romantically involved, or even close friends with a person who has bipolar or obsessive-compulive disorder is not for sissies. It takes a tremendous amount of self-control and maturity to do it. I've had two different friends who were bipolar, and eventually had to admit that it was more than I could do to maintain the friendship, so I've lost contact with both. If you truly love him, go for it, but have no illusions about the ride you're in for. Learn as much as you can about it and prepare yourself as best you can for the turmoil that is bound to come. I sincerely wish you well.

[NJCUTIE77]

Ordinary guy... Believe me.. I know this... Bryan has lost all his friends due to his illness.. and his two brothers can only be around him max 5 min when he's manic... they avoid him... He had 3 very close friends... they are all situated and married, but Bryan hasn't spoken to them... We had a huge surprise party when he turned 30 and only one of them showed... and he hasn't spoken to him since... The last time he was manic, he tried to see his friends and they called his sister and asked what was going on... that was a year ago and he hasn't heard from them at all... I was the only one who stood by him the whole time... he would call me a hundred times I day telling me about his "business ventures"... asking for money because he had none... and a bunch of other things... It was just a mess... and I loved him so I dealt with all of it... I accepted him. He has had other girlfriends... his longest was me... 2 1/2 years... his second to me was 6 months... all the other girls would date him for like a month or two and leave... If it wasn't for me, I don't think he would be where he is now... with a good therapist and on meds... even though I think he still has these moods because he doesn't always take them when he is supposed to and now that he feels better even denies a little that he's bipolar... I don't think this situation has anything to do with another girl or something... I think that this whole thing blew out of proportion and he simply can't handle things.. I know the ride that I could take with this guy... but there is just something that connects me so deeply with him... Do you think this bipolar/OCD stuff has to do with this situation?