[CravenMorhead]

Well, gee, it's nice to be judged. Anyway, thanks for all the advice, everyone.

You got what you paid for. Free advice. Take it as you will.

[Dingo475]

Thanks for your advice. I know how it looks, when described, so I thought I'd try and clear this up:

I met her mother the second time I stayed over at her house. We're on very good terms and I'm more than comfortable to sit down with her when I'm visiting my girlfriend and have a chat. She knows we have sex. The last time I visited her, I met her dad, he was a stellar guy. My parents haven't had the chance to meet her yet, but the plan is for them to meet her in the summer. She has met my brother because he once drove me up here, and they get on like a house on fire. I'm not sure I know where this assumption about our relationship being a sordid little secret came in. Like I said, we do spend time sitting by this one river that flows from her house to the centre of town and walk by it; It just seems to be crowded coffeehouses and places like that which makes things awkward.

I've met her friends too, on the few occasions that we were around town; they seem like all right folks, but I can see why she'd get tired of them after a while.

It doesn't seem that hard to imagine to me that a naturally shy person, who opens up to only one particular person, would find it difficult to be as open when they're out in crowded places? I know I'm going to have to talk to her and see what her view is on getting over this hitch though, so thank you again for your advice. As for the sexual side of things, I now know that it's going to take patience for us to really connect sexually, and that's what I'll try to do.

[Gemini54]

Hi Dingo, I think that there may be way too much over analysis of the situation on your part. May I be frank? I just don't think she's that into you.

I suspect that because you're both young and you're so eager, she may not even know how to respond or how to tell you what she wants or feels.

You say she's been comfortable with sex in the past - do you mean in the past with you? You say she won't kiss you, and feels uncomfortable being in public with you. You say she won't open up and discuss how she feels.

I have to ask - why do you persist? There doesn't seem to be much fun or pleasure in this relationship and it sounds as if you're constantly hitting your head against a brick wall.

Be realistic - you can try and 'help' her all you want, but it sounds as if she ain't responding... sometimes the spark just isn't there.

By all means keep trying - you sound like someone that doesn't give up easily - but perhaps the answer is simpler that you thought?

[Dingo475]

Could well be the case, Gemini. Yes, I meant in the past with me.

It's just strange because there are so many things, phsyical and emotional that just seem to suggest that she does really like me and being with me, just that they don't seem to match up on the physical side of things. The little things, you know?

I'll be talking to her about this, and be brutally honest with myself based on what her reactions are. She does kiss me, just that it always seems to be whenever I'm leaving. The length of how long I'm staying with her doesn't matter; in the beginning, I almost have to ask to kiss her, but by the end, she honestly seems more into it than me, just that she has to stop after a few seconds.

It's been nice to get some brutally honest advice, and it has helped me think about the way I'm going to approach this.

[Gemini54]

Could well be the case, Gemini. Yes, I meant in the past with me.

It's just strange because there are so many things, phsyical and emotional that just seem to suggest that she does really like me and being with me, just that they don't seem to match up on the physical side of things. The little things, you know?

I'll be talking to her about this, and be brutally honest with myself based on what her reactions are. She does kiss me, just that it always seems to be whenever I'm leaving. The length of how long I'm staying with her doesn't matter; in the beginning, I almost have to ask to kiss her, but by the end, she honestly seems more into it than me, just that she has to stop after a few seconds.

It's been nice to get some brutally honest advice, and it has helped me think about the way I'm going to approach this.

Why don't you back off completely and see what happens... don't ask for anything - kisses, whatever... see what her response is.

If you're wanting to explore your sexuality - she may not be the one to do it with!

[Dingo475]

I've tried; she does ask for kisses, but usually pecks on the lips. Even if I back off, she does just cuddle up to me and start saying quite sweet things and eventually puckering up.

And yeah, I'm starting to realise that now. It's just a shame. I really really like being with her.

Thanks again.

[JudyKayTee]

Are you sure your infatuation with her isn't connected with having sex for the first time - it's a heady experience and under any other circumstance you could very well be totally fed up with her.

[jcptoots]

Again, you are probably overthinking things. Being a teenager can be very difficult, and 18 is still very young. I was probably close to 30 by the time I thought I had a grasp on how the opposite sex thinks. I still have days when I don't have a clue what my husband is thinking. I like to have a lot of friends, he says he only needs me. I like to talk for hours, he doesn't. I'm very outgoing, he isn't. We just seem to make it work. He likes amusement parks, I don't.
I don't think any two people could have everything in common. He really loves to go camping. I really, really hate it. I try to go once a year to make him happy and he takes his brother the rest of the time. If you really like going out than you should work out a compromise.
I don't know what to think about the sex in the mother's house thing. I would have never done it and I know for sure that mine won't be doing it in my house. I can't imagine any parent agreeing to that.
I want to say, in the kindest possible way, that you could be suffocating the girl. You may be trying too hard to make things perfect when she is just wanting things to progress naturally.

[Dingo475]

JudyKayTee, I have thought of that, but I don't think it was that, as my feelings for her only really developed in the last few months. Losing my virginity was a pretty awkward affair. It's a good observation though, and I have thought about it, but it doesn't seem to ring true.

I'm not expecting everything to be "perfect". I know that people are different, and that no matter how comfortable people are with spending time with each other, there are going to be incompatibilities. Haha, we're quite similar on the camping front; she doesn't like the idea, I love it. She's a lot more susceptible to stress and I'm relatively more laid back. It's a nice balance.

I've tried not to force things forward too much; she was the one who initiated sex, when I was feeling unsure. I think, in hindsight, it may have been a too soon to do so when we can't even seem to really communicate openly about things. So I think I'll try and get us to work on that. Thanks a lot; every one of you has really helped.

On a side note, I really don't get the shock over teenagers having sex in their house; most teenagers live with their parents. Some of these teenagers have sexual partners; naturally, when their parents are away for an extended period, they're going to have their partner come over. It doesn't seem particularly scandalous to me.

[JudyKayTee]

On a side note, I really don't get the shock over teenagers having sex in their house; most teenagers live with their parents. Some of these teenagers have sexual partners; naturally, when their parents are away for an extended period of time, they're going to have their partner come over. It doesn't seem particularly scandalous to me.

Come back and post in 20 years when your kids are having sex in your house, behind your back, breaking your trust with them. You are looking at this with 18 year old eyes - which makes sense because you ARE 18.

Maybe her mother allows her to have sex in the house during the mother's absence. I have no problem with that because the daughter isn't sneaking around. I don't know what type of protection she uses and how aware her mother is.

If the mother doesn't know and trusts her, then I have a problem.

If you are determined to have sex it's going to happen somewhere and the house is probably the safest place. If she gets pregnant the mother is (again, probably) going to scream, "In my house when I was gone?"

[Dingo475]

Fair enough. The mother knows, we're both protected. I can see why you'd be concerned.