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leif_erikson · Apr 11, 2010, 02:48 PM

I'm 2 years and 7 months older than my girlfriend. Is that too much? We've been friends for a year and we're getting more serious each day. I'm 20 years old and she's still 17. (going onto 18 in 2 months) Is that socially acceptable nowadays? I don't really care much about how society would view us for this but I'd like to know what others think of this. We're also interracial (and a rare kind; black male/asian female) and I'm afraid that the age aspect of it all only makes it worse. My gf's parents are okay with this. How does the rest of society view this kind of thing? Can you also explain why their reasons are so for whatever views that you answer.

talaniman · Apr 11, 2010, 02:57 PM

What state are you in? In the U.S. there are no rules for interracial dating and its up to the parents in what they feel is appropriate, for their minor child. As far as age goes, dating is not illegal per say, but its up to the parents.

All the states have their own rules that govern sexual conduct with a minor. At 17, many states recognize that as an age of consent, but others do not, depending on your own age.

hheath541 · Apr 11, 2010, 03:02 PM

I see nothing wrong with it, as long as you wait until she's 18 for sexual activities. Race is a non-issue. The age will be a non-issue in a couple months.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 11, 2010, 03:57 PM

Of course in some places if you had sex before she was 18, it may be illegal. But I don't even see anything unusual with the interracial, ( of course I am in Atlanta and it is very common here)

But not a bad age difference

ScottGem · Apr 11, 2010, 04:21 PM

In 1967, The US Supreme court in Loving v Virginia declared miscegenation laws unconstitutional. So, the interracial aspect of this is no longer illegal. There are no laws governing dating as has been mentioned.

A 2+ year difference is not a big deal, but the fact that she is still a minor does make a difference. You don't say how long you have been with her, but a 20 yr old going after a 17 yr old, is not socially acceptable. However, if you have been together for a few years, that can mitigate the issue.

leif_erikson · Apr 11, 2010, 09:06 PM

I know of the legality of it all. The age of consent is 16 where we are. We've both known that from the start. We've been just friends for 11 months. (although it's evolving now to more serious stuff) Truthfully and honestly, we don't plan on having sex until marriage (4 or 5 years away) so there is no illegal sex going on.

I was asking mainly about the social aspect of it. Do people in general look down on this kind of thing? Just because it's perfectly legal doesn't mean that people approve of it. For example, a guy over 50 going for a woman in her 20s is perfectly legal but people still frown upon it. Well, ScottJem pointed out that my situation isn't that big of a deal so I'm relieved.

jimseekinadvice · Apr 11, 2010, 09:16 PM

If you want to go with what's socially acceptable... minimum age seems to be half your age +7 haha.

justcurious55 · Apr 11, 2010, 09:24 PM

Leif, there's always going to be people that accept interracial couples, and those that don't. There will always probably be at least one person that looks at you two kind of funny. But really, what's a funny look here or there if you two and your families are happy? My own family has so many different races mixed in my cousins and I are starting to go "uhh...well..." when people ask us! For us, interracial couples are just as common as same race couples.

ScottGem · Apr 12, 2010, 04:01 AM

So you have been seeing each other for 11 months. So you started up with her when she was 16 and you were 19. If you had asked, 11 months ago, whether you at 19, should start up a relationship with a 16 year old, I would have told you no. I would have said to wait until she turns 18. There is always something questionable about an adult starting a relationship with a minor.

Other than that, I don't see a problem here.

Larken85 · Apr 12, 2010, 04:51 AM

I don't see a problem at all. I think interracial relationships are great. (I've always said that if you really want to make the perfect breed of human you need to mix all of the races. It would cut out all racism too. Theorecially speaking of course) And you are right, this is a rare one and I think if you made it that far your children would be beautiful.

Anyway back to the relationship. I would say that if your partents had no issue with it and neither do hers (not that in two months their permission will have to be asked) then there is no problem at all. 17 and 20 are not that far apart. 3 years is fine in my book at your ages. I would (if I were her) go around telling people you meet that she is 18, it would sound better and in two months she is anyway so its not like its really even a lie. She is basically 18. But yeah, I say the same for sexual contact, spare yourself a lot of trouble and wait until she is actually 18.

slapshot_oi · Apr 12, 2010, 05:15 AM

Originally Posted by leif_erikson

. . . Is that socially acceptable nowadays? I don't really care much about how society would view us for this but I'd like to know what others think of this. . . [w]ell, ScottJem pointed out that my situation isn't that big of a deal so I'm relieved.

Well, clearly you do care what everyone else thinks.

People don't like the 50 year old who marries the 20 year old for other reasons; resentment and jealousy. Your situation is different, I really don't think you'll find much opposition.