[wenspa69]

I don't understand why my boyfriend doesn't like having sex more like me. I told him I have a high sex drive and its good to have it all the time. And if I don't get it I tend to get irritable or moody and then he says, that makes me not want it. Sex is not everything and that it gets boring after a while if we do it a lot he says. I tell myself ! I am not ugly or anything, and I never had a problem like this before. I don't know what to do, I do love him but is there something wrong with me??

[CarrotTalker]

There is nothing wrong with you.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about the frequency of sex?

Did you use to have more sex earlier in the relationship, or has it always been a similar frequency?

[Enigma1999]

Hello Wenspa,

He is not saying that there is anything wrong with you...

Everyone has different sex drives! It could be a number of reasons, for example, he could be stressed out. Do you ever sit and talk to him about HIM?

He is right about one thing, sex isn't everything, and doesn't make a relationship!

Don't get me wrong, I love sex and having sex quite a bit! However, if I were being pressured, then I wouldn't want it either, after all, where is the romance?

Maybe you should try a diiferent way of going about it. Make him a nice romantic dinner, with some music in the backround. A nice back rub, slowly seduce him... He might want romance, to be made love to instead of it being so robotic.

Does that make sense?

[Fr_Chuck]

I guess the question is what is "all the time" and how often does he want it,

[Sean Crane]

Have you talked to your boyfriend about the frequency of sex?

I told him I have a high sex drive and its good to have it all the time. And if I dont get it I tend to get irritable or moody and then he says, that makes me not want it.

Did you use to have more sex earlier in the relationship, or has it always been a similar frequency?

and I never had a problem like this before.

Hey Carrot, did you even read her post?

[Gemini54]

Well, perhaps the thing here is to do some talking instead of demanding.

No-one likes being pressured for sex, and you getting irritable and moody are highly unlikely to put him in the mood, eh?

I think a change of attitude may be required on your part - sex is not something that you have a right to on demand. It's an intimate form of communication, and most people like to feel that they're participating because they choose to, not because their partner demands it.

A bit more sensitivity and caring on your part may change the dynamic and you'll get more of what you'd like. Remember though, relationships are always about compromise.

[kp2171]

Nothing wrong with you.

Sex is not everything, but physical intimacy is one of the five main ways that people connect... other ways being quality time, acts of service (doing things for you), words of assurance (you look great today, or you are so funny), and gifts.

So... you told him you have a high drive and he said that pretty much intimidates him to the point of inaction.

Sometimes two "good people" can be mismatched in a fundamental way.

Sex isn't all there is to a relationship... but please don't discount how important it can be to a relationship either...

If he is just completely off the page from you the most you can do is try to help him find some middle ground... but I'm afraid that you are looking for someone who is more self driven... that you need to be chased more without begging for it... and you just cannot make him be that man if he isn't.

[simoneaugie]

Being nice and talking is sometimes really difficult when you're irritable and moody. I've found that some men can be put off by the sex grumps. That's why I married my guy. He sees the irritability and moodiness as a "sex call." We call it the taming of the shrew.

I think that if a guy is put off by the fact that his woman is horny, he doesn't know much about human nature.

[Larken85]

I think he is not liking the activities while you two have sex. Perhaps your eagerness for sex is too aggressive for him. Some men like a woman to be subserviant in bed (not I but some). In some men's minds they are the masters of their own bed rooms. Plus some men don't want to be approached for sex at all, that is their job. Personally I would love it if my girlfriend would just tackle me and rip my clothes off totally out of the blue without any coaxing. That would be sexy. But some men think that during sex they need to be center stage. Oh and FYI, because he is the one telling you you aren't going to have sex at times he is the one that has you whipped. You want it so bad you probably beg for it and or feel horrible when you don't get it. He might like that so I would stop showing that to him. Talk to him for sure, but don't let him think that you need his sex. It couldn't hurt to let him know that other guys would be glad to get sex that much... (respectfully)

Maybe he is ashamed of his size, or performance. Maybe he thinks he has to live up to your expectations and feels far to pressured. Maybe he has intimcy issues or erectile disfunction or lack of sexual desire. Is he currently takeing any medication that could cause sexual side effects?

Maybe he just has a low sex drive, which depending on his age may be understandible or may not. Regardless I am sure it is nothing that is wrong with you, more likley it is he who has a problem that you should address asap.

While sex is not everything in a relationship, it is a MAJOR thing in most if not all relationships. It is very important for two lovers to make love as often as possible or at least at fairly close intervals. It keeps you connected in body, mind, and soul.

For the record though, What is wrong with this guy? I mean I for one love sex more than anything on this planet. Sex is great and I honestly cannot get enough. But that's just me and I'm only 24 so maybe that's why lol.

Hope you figure it out. Good luck

[CarrotTalker]

Hey Carrot, did you even read her post?

Hey, I can't be perfect all the time :D

[Cat1864]

As a matter of fact it couldn't hurt to let him know that other guys would be glad to get sex that much... (respectfully)

I have to disagree with this advice. It doesn't matter what people outside the relationship would or wouldn't be glad to get. What matters is, IF you are committed to this relationship, finding a compromise that works for both of you.

Remember that any relationship takes communication and compromise. You both have to willing to work together on all aspects of the relationship to make it stronger. Playing control or mind games create problems not solve them.