Hi Carina,
I think you both just need to accept it and move on. Is something that happened so many years ago worth jeopardizing a good relationship over? The more uncomfortable you seem with it, the more uncomfortable he is going to be.
Such experiences in adolescent boys aren't completely uncommon. Experimentation is a natural part of growing up for many people. Often people will try something once, decide it is not for them and move on. Hopefully better for knowing themselves a bit more deeply.
I think a lot of what both you are feeling is societally conditioned. Though he may have felt pressured, you do not state any forthright coercion. Now that he is an adult, he may view the experience quite differently, and is likely far more concerned about how women are likely to view him. I have no doubt he is wholly straight. Though your reticence, however well disguised, may be enforcing his doubts about his "manliness." This is likely the only real confusion present.
This experience in no way makes him any less of a man. No more than I feel him being gay or bisexual would. Being a man is about being loving, responsible and mature. Pure and simple.
Relationships are nothing without trust. If he says he is straight, and has proven himself loyal to you, I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt.
I wish there were an easier answer, but if you can't accept it and move past it, it is likely eventually going to ruin a very good union.
I wish you both the best. Take care. :)
Originally Posted by
carina
Im not so much scared of having sex with him again im more scared i think im worried about oral sex with him because thats what him and this boy did. I dont want to do it any more because im scared its going to bring up memories for him, especially now that everything is kind of more in the open about it.
Many experiences often only become traumatic through repitition and reinforcement. I still think the best thing is to just move on. If you fall off the horse, you get right back on, so to speak. The longer you wait, the more difficult it can be. You don't want to give unfounded fear time to set in. Particular if things had been going well prior to this disclosure. I doubt that one such seemingly, largely consensual experience has yet caused that much trauma.
Thanks Carina, I appreciate it. I hope eveything continues to go well for the two of you. :)