[trudger67]

I am in my early forties, and my mother continually runs me to the ground to my family. I believe she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It was extremely difficult being raised by her and even though I do my best to keep myself safe from her, I have other family members passing on her comments.

[leeroynew]

Put her in an old peoples home.

[trudger67]

put her in an old peoples home.

:d

[Aurora_Bell]

I would tell your mother the truth, if she does have NPD, then your comments will be in vain, but at least you got it off your chest. Tell your other family members that you do not wish to hear her nasty comments passed down, and keep distancing yourself from your mother. You are a grown person and do not need anyone treating you poorly. If she can not understand what she is doing is hurting you, then you need to cut your ties with her. I know it's easier said then done, but your mental well being is what is most important. Do your other family members know about her Narcissistic behaviours?

[Mike_2_Help]

A lot of truth to what AB stated. If she does have a personality disorder, there will be a hallmark characteristic she demonstrates in that her problems don't arise from her but from others and they are to blame for for her problems (Ego-syntonic). As opposed to someone with a neurotic condition (mood disorders, anxiety disorders, etc,) who know, "I need to get some help" (Ego-dystonic).
Now, if she is NPD or possesses strong narcissistic traits she will be extremely critical of others. This is because her self-worth is so profoundly compromised. She will thus tend to portray herself as "above others" and hold others to the same unrealistic, super-human standards.
Truth be told, other than discussing this with her, you can not make her do anything. Even if you tried manipulation, she will defeat you because those with a disordered personality are professionals at manipulating others to see reality from their perspective. You may want to take a look at the reasons your self-worth is so affected by her comments. Try to realize that she is not necessarily bad but that her beliefs and perceptions are possibly colored by illness.

[trudger67]

[QUOTE=Aurora_Bell;2242183]I would tell your mother the truth...

I have tried to bring this up with the family and just shake my head at the denial everybody seems to live in. It's almost a sin to even suggest it. I am never going to be able to get any understanding and cutting my ties seems to be the only way. Thank you for your wise words.

[trudger67]

[QUOTE=Mike_2_Help;2242519]A lot of truth to what AB stated...

Cheers for that too. After years of being put down and criticised I have only recently learned of NPD. I always suspected there was a mental disorder yet had never heard of this before. And what you describe is exactly her. When someone suggested to me that she could have NPD they told me the symptoms and it came as a huge relief to finally know what the problem actually is. Even though it is an illness, and I know that she is never likely to change because she is unable, I know that I can change the way I respond to her. I am lacking compassion with her and am quite aware of the reasons - years of her abuse.

[Aurora_Bell]

Hey no problem! All the best and good luck!