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ashey23ole · Feb 12, 2010, 03:13 PM

Its nothing serious, Im just curious when you know a guy is interested in you.

My story goes a little something like this... he is a couple months younger than me and I just met him a couple weeks ago... turns out we lived across the hall from each other on campus and never realized it until recently. I could tell right upon meeting him that he is very shy- I am quite opposite but I still found him sweet and quite attractive.

Since then... he texts me before he goes out at night... or when we walk to class together... but never just randomly..

One time he slept over but we only kissed, I don't want to be a clingy girl so I didn't text him for a couple of days after that, and I didn't hear from him either.

the next time we went out together with friends, he went back to his friends place and I was thinking it was because he wasn't interested and in a drunken stupor, I was a . The next morning I apologized and figured id give him some space given the fact I might have turned him off to me.

but he texts me last night asking what my plans were, we meet up at the bar, we plan to hang out together afterwards but I came home earlier and passed out and missed his calls.

Its not like he gets wasted, but he does only try to get physical after drinking, or maybe that's just an excuse... I remember the morning after he slept over he didn't kiss me at all.

I don't know whether its just going to be a casual thing or if he might like me. Totally sweet guy- unlike any other type of guys I've liked before. I don't want to mess this up, so I'm trying to let him iniate everything so I'm not too... pushy?

I know he just broke up with his ex in October, and that left him bitter still... but I figure 4 months later isn't really a rebound right?

sorry my thoughts are disorganized... I've been single for a couple years and really treated poorly by exs in the past and he is the first genuinely sweet guy I've been attracted to and see potential in...

although I'm graduating in a couple of months... but still

any advice and what some signs will be if he's interested in dating perhaps?

THANKS

I wish · Feb 13, 2010, 07:05 AM

You've already kissed, so why clarify your status with him?

At this point, he's either interested in a relationship with you or he just wants friends with benefits. Either way, it's better to avoid confusion by confronting him about it.

ashey23ole · Feb 13, 2010, 10:18 AM

How do you recommend doing that?

I wish · Feb 13, 2010, 10:20 AM

Talk to her face-to-face. Be honest. Let him know how you feel (i.e. that you want to have a romantic relationship) and see how she feels.

What happened to this guy? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...an-418501.html

redhed35 · Feb 13, 2010, 10:27 AM

You could try an activity that does not involve drinking,something that you have to be team mates in,maybe getting a few people involved.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket,healing after a breakup takes time,4 months may not be long enough for him to consider dating or another relationship just yet.

Glove And Gavel · Feb 13, 2010, 11:03 AM

Hi Ashley
I know you don't want to be pushy, but you need to be direct with him. It is important that you have all your questions answered before you make any further decisions.

Originally Posted by ashey23ole

how do you reccomend doing that?

Tell him how you feel. Tell him everything you've told us (he's really sweet, you don't want to be clingy) and anything else you can think of. See where it goes from there.
Warning: avoid an alcoholic context.

jaime90 · Feb 13, 2010, 12:02 PM

Once again, I didn't even have to read the entire post.
The only way to know when a guy is interested is to ask him what his intentions are. Don't beat around the bush so to speak, or try to figure it out by what he's doing, or you'll drive yourself crazy. The mature thing to do is to confrong him about it, sit down and talk.

ashey23ole · Feb 13, 2010, 02:53 PM

thanks everyone for your input, I wish: I have had NC with that prick since he offed me and disclosed his girlfriend is pregnant... what a horrible mistake I made.

As far as this current situation is concerned, I feel if I directly ask him how he feels, he might think its too soon to know or may make our friendship awkward if he doesn't have mutual feelings..

and although I understand I should avoid alcohol situation, I feel like that's the only time he opens up because he's shy... grrr... being shy = mysterious yet closed off.

thanks for advice, I loveee the feedback

talaniman · Feb 14, 2010, 11:08 AM

If you have to have a guy drunk before you can talk in a mature way, you don't need him, no matter how great he is.

If you can't talk and listen in a mature way, forget having a relationship, shy or not.

Somebody better start talking when sober, and if you have questions... ask.

Jake2008 · Feb 14, 2010, 12:33 PM

It sounds like he's sweet, thoughtful, and considerate from what you have said.

What do you expect him to do to show you he is interested. Maybe he is just being respectful and taking things slowly so you don't think all he wants is to hop in the sack.

Used to be sex was reserved for a committed relationship, and you are far from that at this point.

Why not accept that he is obviously interested, and without hammering on him for an answer, make the initiative to develop a friendship first. Ask him out for coffee, go to a movie, make him a nice dinner, watch movies together.

Try not to judge him because he moves slower than most perhaps, but, still manages to keep it in his pants.

dynocompe · Feb 14, 2010, 02:25 PM

I disagree, a lot of shy guys, they won't initiate much because they are that SHY! I would suggest getting to know him more, ask him to hang out, and see if he opens up abit before making any judgements! These types of guys actually like it when the girl initiate everything, so I would definitely try and get to know him better, more in person that just texting. I would not wait on him if he is that shy. His birthday around June? Lol

ashey23ole · Feb 22, 2010, 12:28 AM

Yeah his birthday isn't in June but he is shy, and I do iniate a lot because of that. One day we just lied in my bed for hours just talking, --thinking I had a frienship foundation established I was happy to see it might be getting more serious... and then I don't hear from in 3 days... IDK?? I'm so impatient lol

I wish · Feb 22, 2010, 09:13 AM

If you're doing most of the initiating, then it doesn't sound like he's very interested, even if he's a shy guy.

And even if he's really that shy, is that really the type of guy you want to be with? Someone who doesn't even look for you for days. Not even a quick message or a quick call.

He might be busy, but it doesn't seem like you're much of a priority.

ashey23ole · Feb 22, 2010, 02:54 PM

That too. He texted me this morning to see if I was going to class to walk with him... but that just may be a friend gesture... not "im interested"

talaniman · Feb 22, 2010, 03:14 PM

My gosh what do you want? The shy guy initiated something for a change. That's not enough to build on?

ashey23ole · Feb 22, 2010, 10:25 PM

what I want is a distinction between "just friends" and "im interested in more" without having to force that conversation. I know my options are either to wait it out or ask... but I don't to be that girl who just can't take a hint... I think we get along famously for only knowing each other for so short.

tomorrow night we are going out to the bars, most liekly in the same group... lets see what a buzz does to his expression of feelings

talaniman · Feb 23, 2010, 07:37 AM

I think your getting frustrated by how slow he moves, and your just expecting too much, to fast, especially since one, or both of you is scared to talk in any meaningful way.

Now you are thinking that some alcohol therapy is going to help. BAD IDEA!

If you can't relax, and have some fun, without such high expectations for this guy, then you are not ready for anything with him, let alone a healthy relationship.

I don't think trying to force things is the way to go, but relax, and wait, and see what develops over time, is a good plan.

ashey23ole · Feb 25, 2010, 01:10 AM

Well said. I recognize how impatient I'm being. And that's why my past relationships fail. I implusively rush into things. I'm going to be patient and see whatt happens...

Thanks for all the insight.

He actually came over today to hang out, but I had class. He's making improvement

Glove And Gavel · Feb 25, 2010, 07:47 PM

That's good! It's important to recognize your own strengths and weaknesses. You seem to realize impulses and patience are your weaknesses. You need to make conscious efforts to regulate your behaviour under those conditions.That post is a great start! Focus on the positive stuff, and do not rush. Take it slow.

ashey23ole · Feb 25, 2010, 09:54 PM

:) thanks glove and gavel.

I hung out with him today too. And although I recognize I am impatient, I realize what is bother me more is the fact that I can't read him... so EVEN if I knew he liked me, I could work on my patience... but not even knowing if its "just friends" or more is why I'm so bothered...

Ughhh