[mmmbopdoodle]

MY boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 months now. In the beginning, everything was good, we fell for each other quickly and have been so happy together. Well into out 2nd month of our relationship, we started arguing constantly simply because I had to move an hour away to be with family. While arguing one night, he had been drinking and decided to throw the ex-card in my face. He told me he loved his ex, and she was there for him whenever he needed her. This made me feel crappy because I had to move (temporarily, I'm back in town now) and couldn't be there for him as much as I wanted to. All the arguing we did made it harder for him to communicate with me about his problems. He told me she was his first love and he was always going to love her. It all boiled down to "if she tried hard enough she knows she can have me back" and "we both know we could have each other back if we really wanted"... We broke up immediately. Over the next couple of days, he says he worded some statements wrong and he was just drunk and angry. It still lingers in the back of my head. It hurt so bad. I felt like a rebound. He agreed not to talk to her, only until I worked through my own issues. Now I've been back in town for about a month now, we got back together and worked through some things. Everything was going great. I was putting the past in the past and leaving it there, then out of nowhere I got burned again. He went out to drink with his friends and the friend he was with invited the ex over. When she was leaving my boyfriend gave her a "friendly" hug and "kiss" on the cheek? She called the next day and I put her on speakerphone and while standing in the room with my boyfriend I listened to their conversation back and forth. She had to tell me not my boyfriend. He said he planned on telling me but we were having such a good day and I had other things on my mind, he didn't want to be a buzzkill. I got upset and asked him to leave, we broke up and he kept calling apologizing and telling me he didn't want to lose me. He loved me so much that there wasn't any room for anyone else in there and she didn't have any place with him anymore. He has asked me to quit smoking, quit hanging out with my guy friends and quit talking to my obsessive ex and I agreed and kept my word. All I asked was that he not speak to her until I work through some things and he couldn't put forth an equal amount of effort. I love him with everything I got, we plan to get married in a couple of years. But the thought of her still haunts me. I can't be with him wondering if he's still thinking about her. What should I do about my own insecurities?

[guttedone]

Well I only read the first few lines and have read enough!!

Basically your situation is simple and here is what you do -

You finish with your boyfriend he has no respect for you and by his own admissions he still loves his ex, this basically means you relationship is dead in the water!! What you need to realise is that you live only once and you really don't need this sort of in your life, I would never dream of treating or saying anything like that to someone that I was supposed to love and respect - RESPECT being the key word here!!

Get this waste of space out of your life and find a guy that will treat you right and love you and make you happy!! Lets be honest you aren't happy and that 'i still love my ex' admission is something that you will never get over trust me, don't waste your life and move on!!

Peace

[bigbird213]

Kick him to the curb.

It sounds to me like you might have been a rebound as well. He doesn't know what he wants and is WAY to hung up on his ex to continue a meaningful relationship. You are better off without him.

EDIT: Just for the record, 3 months in is WAY too soon to be arguing. You should still be infatuated with each other.

[damaged]

The reason why you are arguing 3 months into the relationship is because he is not over his ex.. He said it himself... Why are you still with this guy?. I know your a smart girl.. please put your brain 2 function and leave him... for your own good.. if you stay you will be misserable, and if one day his ex decides 2 get back he'll leave you.. this guy is not for you, let him go and you WILL find someone who's not in love with his ex, someone who will appreciate you.. Ur waisting your time here... For your own good let him go!

[Ash123]

As much as I hate to say it.....you need to try something new.

This is an immature and painful relationship.

Commitment makes him feel uneasy, so why fight it. Every time you run, he will chase because you are now technically unavailable... then, when you are back he needs to feel free.

He wants you to change. You want him to change... maybe neither of you should change - and just be alone - as yourselves - for a while.

[emopunk7]

It's time to say, "So long and goodnight"! (My Chemical Romance)

[mmmbopdoodle]

Is it too much to ask him to block her number? So we can move forward?

She also has been calling me asking my permission for him to go to a family reunion with her? He's not a piece of property

[liz28]

S he knows that he has feelings for her and knows he hange up over her, and if any oppurtunit she can have him. Why would she wants him to go with her to her family reunion, don't she have someone? I guess not and she knows she got him around her finger.

When some people are drunk it sometimes gives them the courage to say and/or do things that they wouldn't when their sober. It oblivious he still love her and if you moved that should not have been a problem.

It seems that you make all the changes you have to make him happy and he can't do the same? If he told you what he did while he was drunk can you even think what he was telling her we they were together at his friend house.

It easiler said then done, but leave him and let him have her or whoever else he want. What is he going tell you the next time he drinks? He not ready to move on and give himself completely to you so you shouldn't give yourself completely to him Be careful who you give/open your heart too.
You tried and it didn't work so move on, remember it takes two to make it work not one.You already communicated how you feel regarding this issue what more can you, sit around and hope.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

is it too much to ask him to block her number? so we can move forward?

she also has been calling me asking my permission for him to go to a family reunion with her? he's not a piece of property

Yes! And you can say to her 'he's all yours!'.

He is not worth your time.

[liz28]

Whatever you decide don't be mad at her because he allowing this to happen. He gave her the ball and she running with it while your left looking at the sidelines. She probulary laughing at you with her friends about how foolish you are and doing it to make you mad so your can agrue while he goes back to her and whine. She has it all planned out, believe me. Listen to everyone and leave before he leaves you.

[JBeaucaire]

He gave you list of demands and you did them. Does that make him controlling? Maybe, but it mainly means you're malleable. That's not the norm, and you have no reason to expect the same in return. None.

You can't put demands on a b/f and just get hurt when they aren't approved. It's crazy.

You are dating to discover who they are, not make list of things that need to change. Of course you can talk about the things you aren't liking, you simply can't require they change.

Your choices are to live with the things you don't like (while pointing them out calmly, occasionally), or move on. THAT'S WHAT DATING IS FOR.

[talaniman]

What should I do about my own insecurities?

I feel very strongly if you get rid of the drunk, two timer in your life, you will not be so insecure, or sad, or disrespected. A three for one trade you might say.
You have already put too much in this relationship, and what do you have to show for your investment.

Misery and pain, drama, and confusion.

[mmmbopdoodle]

My boyfriend and I have had some problems concerning his ex. There have been a couple of incidents, one of which he thought he could give her a "friendly kiss-on-the-cheek" and a tight hug after i asked him no to talk to her, then she had to tell me he kissed her and hugged her or whatever. He was trying to hide it but he says he was "waiting for the right time" to tell me. He told me nearly 2 months ago that he still loved her and she was his first love, blah, blah. We've broken up a couple times b/c of her. I was pregnant recently and had a miscarriage. There's a lot going on. I'm trying to be happy with him and not stress over his ex. But things he said about her in the past and the way he talked about her keeps running through my head. I keep replaying situations in my head and overanalyzing everything and questions come to my head. I make myself mad over it. There's something that i can't quite put my finger on that bothers me so much. He tells me he's not going to mess up anymore. He said he's quit talking to her. He is with me as much as possible. He said he doesn't want to lose me and she's not worth losing me over. He wants to marry me and we're trying to get pregnant again. I'm happy with him but i still think about her and previous incidents constantly. I asked him today if he loved her and he said "he thought he did but i have his whole heart". He's perfect for me in my eyes, he's not perfect at all and he's messed up but this relationship isn't going to end over one young lady. He's not the type to cheat at all. That's not what i'm scared of. I just don't know whats going on with me. I think too much. I'm hurting. I make myself mad. I think about her and him everyday. I just wish I could let go of it, but something isn't letting me. He says i'm so good to him, and i know he really does love me, but if he did then why'd he have to do the things he did? Am i making a big deal out of nothing? How do i let go of the past?

[mrchef1110]

First thing is first. Stop trying to get pregnant off a guy you don't know how the future will turn out with.

He has made it clear that he is in a transitional period in his life as he still thinks he loves his first girlfriend. He may be the man for you but in the short run getting pregnant will not make things better or more secure. Let some time pass and let the relationship between you two develop more as, in my eyes, he still needs to earn your trust.

If you can't let it go, then that's probably the best indication that this situation is probably not the best for you. I don't think your making a big deal out of nothing, in fact I think it is a very big deal that he is not over his first ex and that impinges on your relationship. You say that he isn't going to talk to her any more but on previous occasions he has already betrayed that trust in my eyes.

You should probably step back for a second take a deep breath and reevaluate this relationship as it might not be the end all be all for you or it might, but that's for you to decide.

[cant breathe]

You say you think about the two of them every day and no matter how hard you try you can't let go of it so... TRUST YOUR INSINCTS If you feel there is something not quite right you are probably correct.

[mmmbopdoodle]

But I am unable to act on my instincts? I'm doubting myself because there are serious emotions involved here.

[mrchef1110]

Exactly why you need to step back from your situation and re-evaluate what is going on here and if it is the best thing for you in the long run.

[mmmbopdoodle]

I've tried. I asked for time away just so I could get my head back together and he got so upset. He sayd we don't need a break and if we took one he'd lose me, or grow apart from me. He just doesn't think a break is what we need.

[mmmbopdoodle]

Idk how to persuade him that it's only so I can get myself together. He thinks it's the most awful thing to do.

[mrchef1110]

Then he doesn't care about your feelings as it does take two to make a relationship. He might feel like you don't need a break but from what you are writing it certainly sounds like you do.

Him not letting you sort out your feelings is very selfish and immature on his part. He is using threats to keep you with him. Does that seem like what a good trusting relationship is built on?

What does he say you need? Is he pressuring you into having a baby?