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1sista2another · Feb 5, 2010, 08:57 PM

This is kind of crazy. Im biracial, grew up in a black community, live as a black woman. My relationship of 15 yrs started to fall apart about 4 yrs ago, he started seeing a white girl, I say girl because she's young enough to by my daughter. As we struggled through the last 4 yrs he continued to see her on/off. She had his child about 6 months ago. I chose to stay because although we're not married we still have a family to think about (3 teens). So we've been trying to accept this new change and find middle ground. My inner turmoil is that I've never felt like a racist especially growing up biracial and not until this baby was born did I question it? But Im struggling VERY hard to accept this white child, yes blue eyes and all. Im embarrassed as a black woman so much so that I do not go into my neighborhood anymore, not even to visit my own mother. I want to move forward in our family but I keep stopping myself due to embarrassment about this child. Part of me is pissed off and grossed out when I think about him & this white girl and part of me feels its not the child's fault her parents were idiots no matter what color! Looking for some real advice or suggestions!!

MandyMarieLove · Feb 5, 2010, 09:13 PM

Hey Hun, first off.. I want to say I am sorry for everything that you had to go through.. that's not at all fair to you! Even if you're not married, you were still in a relationship, and he's a douche.. lol. :]

Anyway, I sense that you are only feeling this way, seeming as you were never to be known to feel racist before.. you're feeling this way because she was your boyfriends, child "of affair", lol. You look at her and are reminded of what he did to you.. You're embarrassed to take he into your neighborhood, or for you yourself to go into your neighborhood because of being ashamed.. As I do kudos you for staying for the kids.. I would have to say, I wouldn't have. It's just causing you more grief, but then again, lol. I'm not a parent, so I know you feel entirely different..

I hope things get better for you, I just want to tell you should try not to show your feeling for her, toward her.. Cause even if you don't, I know she can feel the tension you have between the two of you, and like you said it's NOT her fault, or your for that matter. Just treat her like one of your own, and take her in as much as you can.. She's not on of the idiots that jumped in bed.. she's just the result of their idiocy! But that doesn't make her a bad person, :DD

Jake2008 · Feb 5, 2010, 11:25 PM

I think the blue-eyed white baby may as well be a neon sign that your husband obviously cheated on you.

Maybe it has nothing to do with the baby's skin colour or racism at all.

When you look at your other children, you see you and your boyfriend, and this new baby sticks out like a sore thumb. It is a very obvious reminder of what has gone on, and what you will now face when he has visitation.

You sound like a good person to me, and a great mom who is already surviving the teen years, and in a relationship that you want to keep, for their sake. Many may disagree, but I think you are very generous to allow him the honour of being a father and partner in keeping the family together.

As to the baby. In time, this won't be an issue. The very practical things will take place of these doubtful, confused feelings, and will be replaced with the day to day living and coping that we all face.

It will get easier as time goes on and the baby is integrated and comfortable with his/her half siblings, who will also play a big part in this child's development.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I can understand why you feel the way you do, but my guess is, the baby will be loved the same as the others, regardless of the circumstances of his/her beginnings.

1sista2another · Feb 6, 2010, 08:47 AM

Thanks so much... as I sit in the other room this morning sipping my coffee and he enjoys his first legal visit with the child on the other side of the wall. It's a very uncomfortable thing. But Im going to trust the situation and just play it by ear and hopefully your right and things will just get back to normal in time...

talaniman · Feb 6, 2010, 11:35 AM

Wow, you have a big heart, and a generous nature and I think you will adjust to this child, and show the love that all children need.

I feel like this is still to new, and fresh in your mind, and heart, at this time, but I feel that you will overcome this with the same caring class that you have overcome your other issues.

I don't think you're a racist, they have hatred in there heart through ignorance, I think your just hurt, and disappointed. Now go see your mom, she misses you!