[talaniman]

Am....I know I couldn't be more messed up then I already am but I found out I have Cancer.

More the reason to get your act together and give your son the help he needs.

[valinors_sorrow]

I'm sorry but using cancer as some sort of sympathy plea or an implied excuse for your lack of personal responsibility is just plain tasteless and gives every patient who has cancer and all the survivors of cancer an implied bad name. Either the cancer was there all along, and if you thought it was a legitimate part of the problem, it should have been mentioned up front with the rest of it or you just found out about it and it had no bearing on the problem being discussed here at all. Or it isn't even true. In any regard, it reads as a manipulative tactic in my book and it made me feel jerked around and disappointed. I don't think you are capable of receiving help for your problems at this juncture. If and when you are prepared to quit playing games, take responsibility and follow through with some actions, I'll be happy to help. In the meantime I wish you well and quietly unsubscribe to this thread as there is simply nothing to be gained from further discussion.

[thedogghater]

Frist don't let him sit in his room all the time.nothing good is going to come out of that.
You must be frim with him and let him know you are the father,the head of the house.
You may also want to take him for a drug test.its better to be safe then sorry later.
Make him do work around the house.my father once took my door down so I could not shut myself in my room.I was doing it because I could get away with it.sometimes you have to use tough love.he must know that you want do nothing harsh in fear of being by yourself and he's doing as he please.if you don't stop the way he acts soon it might be to late later.

I wish you the best.

[ap6589]

DRUG TEST. I'm 17 years old right now. I did the same stuff your son is doing and my parents didn't know what to do. Then they found out I was on drugs. If he is then you might want to consider rehab. It helped me. I had a lot of things happens with death of parents and friends and being abandoned and I turned to drugs and alcohol. You need to find out if he is. Send me a message if you have any questions...

[ap6589]

Kids are smarter than their parents when it comes to hiding things. My parents searched my room many times when I was on drugs and never foung anything. Im telling you for his sake just drug test him. I might be wrong but it won't hurt. I'm really messed up from drugs and you don't want that with your son. Just test him. It won't hurt. Most insurences pay for full screening test which is all illegal drugs, rx drugs and alcohol. It takes less than a minute just to pee in a cup. It won't hurt anything. But you need to know 100 percent.

[babydoll365]

This is something that most teens go through,even girls. Just let him have some alone time for a while but if you start to see signs of serious depression, than you might want to try some counseling or something. Maybe have someone that he really gets along with talk to him as a friend and see what's going on. Other than that. Don't push him in doing anything. It could just be someone at school he is having a problem with or other personal things he's thinking about. Give it some time. If you force more rules, it'll make the situation worse. Hope this goes OK.

[JChev06]

My parents went through the same thing with me when I was younger. My attitude and grades in school fell way off. I was pretty much a jerk for a couple years. The thing that got me more angry was my parents always asking me what was wrong. I was at a point where I thought I didn't need my parents. I'm not saying your son is behaving like I did, but a lot of the people I know had the same kind of attitude through high school. For us we had a good time hanging out w/ friends and having that "know it all" frame of mind. My best advice would be to just give him space. Also try not questioning and lecturing him a lot, that will probably push him further away. I have a good feeling this will pass, it just might not happen as soon as you want.

[Suicidal Addiction]

I was the same way when I was a kid and people tried everything to get me to talk but I was so depressed not only was I being bullied at school but I was just so empty inside and all I wanted was to be by myself... maybe he just wants some alone time you know to clear his head it might take some time but he'll come around


Love Rian

[laura hamilton]

Look being 18 I totally understand where he is coming from I was the same! You reach an age where you think you know what's best for you. He probably thinks that it is his life and he can do what he wants!

He really will grow out of it. As for the sex thing he has to learn from his own mistakes. Having Sex in your house was not a wise move and secretly he probably feels bad for doing it. You just need to be there for him tell him that you are there if he needs you. Set out some rules but you have to Compromise to. He is at the age where everything is changing you do need to be understanding even though its hard. The worst! Thing you could do is send him to Boarding school he will hate you for it. Trust me my parents told me they were going to do that and it made me hate them. I just wanted them to take a step back and let me make my mistakes they did and now I've learnt. I went on to achieve amazing grades in everything and am off to University this year, I also now have a great relationship with my parents!

[dana4694]

Well I've tried using the advice some people gave me to help me deal with my son.
But hes like talking to a wall.
I tried taking away his things from him when he did something bad but it all backfired and now he wont talk to me and spends most of his time in his in his room with his music turned up full blast.
He is also falling behind in school work and he hardly eats.
I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.
What should I do????

I think he needs a rude awaking that life brings you ups and downs but you deal with and go on.. Explain to him that it hurts your heart and soul to see him this way. And get him out of that room. Maybe go to the school eat lunch with him.. Let him see that you care.. Take some pizza for him and his friends to school for lunch.. You walk in with that Pizza and the kids see you.. You will definitely boost his confindence in you and with his friends. Then he will start to talk to you again because his friends will tell him.. Man your dad is cool when is he coming again with the pizza. This will also make him new friends.. Then after you boost his confidence with his friends.. You can start taking his friends places (don't hang out with them) just spend the time to get his friends and him where they need to go.Because the way to teenagers hearts at school is their stomach.. And a lot of parents work or don't take the time to do that for their kids.Try it I guarantee it will work. It has worked with all my kids.

[ignatz2000]

1.get a safe or a safety deposit box to put stuff in so he can't get it back.
2.put a password on the computer so he can't get on.
3.I would recommend having a PI follow your son around to see what he is doing in his free time
4.if he drives take away the car keys.
5.his room isn't the only place he could hide drugs. Look around the entire house.
6.definitely make him see a counselor.
7.he could be depressed. Has he tried committing suicide?

[wanna smile]

HELLO he is a teenager! And they do love to have the music up as loud as possible! I have 2 teenage sons and a teenage daughter and I can understand you being concerned but try to be more involved with him in his interests and his music as hard as that can be! Is he rude to u? Is he talking to you at all? Does he stay out late? Does he have friends ova? Does he have a girlfriend? Try try try so hard to get on his level and understand that these are the teen years and are never a walk in the park! I hope that this is all it is and there's no more to it! Maybe you should seek some advice on tough love (dealing with teens) but what ever you do don't let him slip away you love him and you guys need help you have had a sad time stick together. Please keep us all posted and GOOD LUCK>>>>

[sexybeasty]

Man I have a completely different take on this than most. First, he is in rebellion. That is tough. What you have done so far hasn't worked.

Maybe try sitting him down and asking if he knows why he is angry at you. Possibly with a professional counselor as you are, thankfully, still in charge as he is only 16.

I heard a sermon once when a man had a daughter that continually came home way after curfew and was usually drunk. The father had argument after argument with her, and no change. One day, while in prayer for the daughter's situation, he felt God saying, "Why don't you love her?" He replied, "God, I DO love her," This was responded to with "Why NOT love her?" Then the father got it.

He waited for his wayward daughter when she returned home with a cup of coffee to sober her up, a warm hug and the words,"I adore you, sweetheart," He would then tuck her into bed and say prayers for her aloud. This he did, time after time. As time went by, the daughter began to change. She started to respect the curfew and she changed friends and stopped getting drunk. She was blessed by her father's loving actions and therefore was blessing her father right back.

Always, love finds a way. Blessings to you and yours. Keep in prayer... never cease.

[Mizz_Me]

I am not saying this in a mean way at all! Stop trying to be his friend and be his father. Use your authority and take away the luxuries.

[cromptondot]

Maybe he needs to get a job,maybe something outside,physical,then maybe he would have more to do than think of himself,and the physical activity would maybe give him a new direction,if he is just sitting in his room,listening to music,he needs more to stimulate his mind.

[sammyantha2581]

He could possibly be depressed or it might just be his age.
I did the same thing to my mom. I'm also 16. I did it partly because I was depressed and partly because I wanted her to notice me because she was never home. I know stupid way of getting attention but I didn't want to do something drastic. I admit it

Try talking to him as a parent or a friend. Ask him if he would voluntarily go into therapy, if not don't push just say OK and let it pass.


But also try talking to his teachers/guidance counselors [as other people have said] to see how he's doing and what his school behaviors are.


Hope some of this helps!:D

[malic]

I'm sorry about all that's going on, but there is something that parents just don't seem to get and I know this because I'm a 17 yearold male. When your around the age of 13+ you change a lot all the time. I know because not only have I changed many times in the past years but so have many of my friends and exfriends. I spend most of my time in my room because I'm IMing or texting to friends. FRIENDS are our number one right now not parents. We want to go out and have our own life.

About his school work. Stop caring... really no joke, just stop. It doesn't hurt you, the only thing those bad grades will affect are him. This does work. My mom did it to me and because I didn't have the extra pressure from her I did better in school on my own.

Looking through his room is only going to make things worse. If you do that and he finds out there will be no trust and he will act out even more cause he'll think you don't care about giving him his rights as a human being. And also most of the things he doesn't want you to find, you won't. Why? Because kids talk and when someone's parent finds something in someone's room all the kids go hide their crap some place else, that or he just keeps it with him.

And why does every parent think their child isn't eating any more? Just because you don't see him do something doesn't mean he doesn't do it. That goes for more than just food. And its true he might be starting to eat "less" but that's just because we have better things to do.

kids do stuipd sh*t all the time. Its true. You can't stop it, its just something we all go through.

To tell you the truth there isn't a whole lot you can do that will make things easier right now. Let him know you love him and that will never change. No matter what time the cops drop him off, or how drunk he is when he comes home after the party, or any of that. This is a hard time for a lot of teens. Trying to find who they are and who they want to be.

If there's anything else and you want a 17 yearold boys opinion you can pm me or e-mail.