[cantunravelme]

Ok so here’s the deal, I have a soon to be ex-husband as soon as we can get this ball rolling, and the most amazing guy in my life for about a year now. The odd part about it is we have known of each other for seven years just lost touch because I was well I was a jerk and now we work together. Not a problem yea I know but it gets more complicated than that, he lives with another, but we have the worlds perfect relationship when we are together and that seems to be only on the weekend and when we sneak 20 minutes here and there during the week. So here’s what is going on….. Everything happened because he called me up one day and said he needed someone to talk to and I would be the only person to understand where he was coming from. I agreed and we decided to go to a neutral location, we went to the mall, walked around and talked for somewhere close to two maybe three hours. I got to know him very well that night and since then things haven’t been the same. Like I said we knew of each other for seven years just didn’t know anything about the other one. He and I started to talk just about every night on the phone, computer, text, so on and so forth. Things started to get complicated at the apartment that they were living in and since my husband and I had separated at that point they began to hang out at my house after work and we would all have dinner together or better yet I would cook and we all would eat…. They say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! We all started doing things together and it was fine because we all were just friends, until it all changed and he and I started to have feelings for the other one. We both fought the feelings but lost that battle, we both had thought about what it would be like to kiss the other among other things, so we did it we kissed and it was like fireworks going off on the fourth of July.
Since that night things have become way more out of hand than either of us has ever imagined could take over. I am completely in love with him and he hangs on my every word. We honestly have the perfect relationship except for the fact that he still lives with the girl he was/is with. We spend every weekend together we go out and do things, just the other night we went out to dinner and a movie then went back home and hung out together for hours but it felt like minutes, before we knew it, it was almost 2 am and he had to get back home before she figured something was up. I really don’t know he tells me he loves and a girl just knows when someone loves them because you can feel it in every part of your body, you can see it when they look at you and touch you, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being played for a fool when it comes to this. I would be called the other woman yet he tells me that he wants to marry me and we would have the perfect life if we were. Somehow I don’t see anything ever coming of it and that I am going to end up having to just walk away from the one person that knows me better than I know myself. I hurt all the time over this and he does too and makes me question why in the world if what he says he wants is true why he can’t do what we both know should be done.
He has told me that his grandmother see’s that he loves me and that I love him and its different with us then with anyone he has ever been with, his friends see it mine see it why is it that this is so hard. Is it really that this is just some kind of game to him? Am I really just a fool for falling for him when we all know this is going to end badly and I am the one who’s going to have to walk away? HELP!! We have both been married and both are 26 this is not how it is supposed to be games are not what either of us needs or wants but it feels like it’s a game!

[Sissielala]

Listen to Dr. Laura on the AM radio station she has good advise and you can also call her and ask a question.

[Gemini54]

Oooooh. How would you feel if you were his partner? The one that come to have meals with you? The one that still lives with him? The one that thinks she's in a relationship with him?

I don't know if you're being played for a fool, but you are acting like a fool. He's with someone else for crissake! Why are you doing this?

If you're the perfect woman, why hasn't he left her? Why hasn't he told her he's met the woman of his dreams and floated off into the sunset with you?

What you are both doing sounds so selfish to me. You're hurting? What about his partner? - you know, the one that comes round to dinner?

If this is what he really wants he needs to act with integrity - not like love sick fool. He needs to be totally honest with his partner and finish things with her before doing anything with you.

Tell him to put his money where his mouth is - he either wants a relationship with you, or one with his long-suffering partner.

Too many people are going to get hurt here unless you get real.

[Fr_Chuck]

So you knew him before, while married, is he part of the reason for hubby becoming an ex.

And he is with someone, so when he is going to leave this person, when you think of them together, does it bother you ?

And if you are so important, why has he not told her.

You will be fun time, maybe good sex and he will go home to her to snuggle the night.

[jaime90]

I think both of you need to get your heads on straight.

He is still in a relationship with a girl, and from your post he must be going behind this poor woman's back, kissing you and doing God only knows what else. On top of that, you're still married, and have some things to take care of with your husband. It is sad, and disrespectful to be with another man behind your husbands back if he didn't give you permission to (ie. A break) even if you are in the process of a divorce. What are the reasons for the divorce anyway?

Your relationship is not perfect- clearly, or else you wouldn't be in this mess, asking us what to do. Not only is NOT perfect, it's really screwed up- if you or him are hiding a relationship from your current significant others (even if you are trying to leave them) you are both cheating liars, and the "perfect" relationship with one another cannot at all justify that.

You've mentioned how much you "love" each other, and how you feel- you go on romantic dates, etc. You say that you can tell someone loves you when they touch you and when they look at you: You have a wrong view of what love is.

Would your relationship survive if this man couldn't touch or see you? Is love just fuzzy feelings to you? Love is a choice, and it should be taken seriously. Love is commitment- neither of you could stay committed to your past spouses/partners, and you aren't looking at this long-term, since you don't want to marry the guy. How is this love? Would you die for this man? Would your love endure ALL things unconditionally?

Seriously, it would be a good idea to back off, and re-think a few things. And, please, divorce your husband before you decide to begin another relationship.

[jfo]

I agree, why is this guy still with her. Sounds like he may not leave her, if he loves you so much than he would do anything to be with you, even leaving her. He's having his cake and eating it too.

[Jake2008]

In your post, much of what you have already figured out will happen, probably will. You will be leaving, and regretting this affair.

When that happens, and you muster the courage to do the right thing, I hope you realize that what you had was a situation that you could have had control over. Lust and infatuation uncontrolled, is only temporary, because eventually, you realize that what you are feeling, is only really serving the selfish needs of another, at anothers expense.

Take with you a little fortitude that you won't be so disrespectful as to diminsh the woman who's man you slept with, even when you knew it would never work out. That delegates her to being an insignificant human being that does not deserve an ounce of consideration or compassion. If you meet a man like him again, remember that as long as he has a significant other, he is being as deceiptful and manipulative to her, as he will be to you as well.

And remember, if the relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.