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N323DL · Jan 20, 2010, 01:28 PM

So my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, having sex most of that time. She has never had an orgasm with me. In fact, she tells me she's never had an orgasm in her life. We average sex about 1-2 times a week and lately, I'm bored with it. We always do the same rotation of positions, I finish, she doesn't and we're done. In the beginning, I would spend 30 minutes per session giving her oral stimulation and used my hands and all. Nothing ever worked. She would eventually tell me to stop. Sometimes she also says it tickles more than feels good. I'm sure the pressure of working towards orgasm isn't helping her either. I ask her to play with herself, either in front of me or even by herself to figure out what makes her orgasm, and she won't. I feel bad because she doesn't enjoy sex but part of me feels its her own fault for not putting any effort in it. I guess I shouldn't be blaming anyone but I'm just frustrated and bored. I can't enjoy sex anymore when I know she's just doing it for me.

neverme · Jan 20, 2010, 01:36 PM

First of all, just because she doesn't orgasm doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy sex!!

Sex is not just a dash for the finish line, it's supposed to be a show of love. Maybe if you took the emphasis off finishing and put it on mutual respect and love, both of you would have a more fulfilling time.

88sunflower · Jan 20, 2010, 01:42 PM

Women just don't always orgasm. I have been with my husband since 1991. Just this past year is the first time he has made me orgasm orally with no help from me. Its not a big deal to either of us. If I don't then I don't. If I want to and he isn't doing it I help him out.

Maybe she is ashamed to open up about it. Don't give up or make her feel less or ashamed.

Synnen · Jan 20, 2010, 01:56 PM

You have a point: she SHOULD be figuring her own body out.

BUT!

Sex isn't about the destination--it's about the journey. Stop looking at orgasm as the "finish". Start looking at the playing, teasing, fun stuff as the IMPORTANT part of sex.

Get books about sex--read them together in bed. Make it a FUN thing, not a "how-to" thing.

Let's put it this way: Is decorating your Christmas tree ONLY about having a perfect tree? Or is it about the "together" time doing it, about the memories of the ornaments, about the fun of throwing tinsel at each other?

What about going on a date? Is the "fun" of the date the meal you eat when you're out, or the movie you see? I think it's more about being with the other person and enjoying it TOGETHER.

So... Get a silly sex book. Get a serious one, like "She Comes First". Get a cheesy romance novel and read it out loud together. Get the "Kama Sutra" and have fun acting out the scenes in it.

Sex shouldn't be so SERIOUS.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 22, 2010, 02:20 AM

I'm sure she's frustrated. And she can no doubt sense your frustration. This could lead to feelings of inadequacy and stage fright, and that can make it so she's not mentally with you while you have sex. Make sure you are both relaxed, don't make her feel pressure. Also... some women have overly sensitive clits that make it so that oral is more ticklish than pleasurable. So I would advise not spending 30 minutes down there. Tease her with a minute or two. And don't go directly for the with the tip of your tongue. Go buy a cock ring. Without one, I could come once. But with one, multiple times. TMI? Hehe.