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jleigh55 · Jan 18, 2010, 07:37 PM

All right so my boyfriend just turned 21, we've been together for 2 and half years.. And his brother is a year older than him, and goes to strip clubs all the time with his work or buddies, and his wife is TOTALLY fine with it, and like one time a song came on the radio and he goes to his wife now but girlfriend at the time, "oh i watched a girl get naked to this song haha".. and she just laughed it off. But when I heard him say that I just thought that was really dissrespectful. Now that my boyfriend just turned 21, his brother keeps joking about taking him, and my boyfriend just keeps saying "ur gay" or "yeah yeah ha ha"... and he's always told me he has no interest in going but I think he does.. like I understand that every guy is curious.. and HONESTLY my whole issue is NOT that I'm jealous or w.e.. I just honestly don't agree with them.. like when you have a girlfriend at home that does things just fine, why do you need to go look at some random girl shaking her boobs in his face or get a lap dance where some random girl is grinding on my man... I mean I feel no need to go see some random guy shake his di*k on me or grind on me... being that intamite takes time for me, and to think my boyfriend can just go have some girl he doesn't know strip for him, its kind of dissrespectful... I don't know.. I'm trying to put it out of my head and just be okay with it for one time.. and I always thought if he HAD to go once that he could go with his brother.. but now I think since its his birthday, he'd take him there and buy him all these drinks and buy him a lap dance... ughh.. please help

Fr_Chuck · Jan 18, 2010, 07:54 PM

First in proper clubs there is no "touching" just getting close and looking. Men are much more visual than women,

Personaly can't see any real issue in him going once and I bet he will go with or without your approval, he may end up lying to you about it, since you are having a fit, which only makes it worst.

If he was making a habit out of it, or it was betting to be an adiction, but first I can't believe he has not already gone with his brother, but assuming he hasnot most likely he will at least once

These are not hookers, he is not going to have sex with them,

So when he goes anywhere, what is going to happen, I suggest you talk with him and try to work this out

jleigh55 · Jan 18, 2010, 08:46 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

First in proper clubs there is no "touching" just getting close and looking. Men are much more visual than women,

Personaly can't see any real issue in him going once and I bet he will go with or without your approval, he may end up lying to you about it, since you are having a fit, which only makes it worst.

If he was making a habit out of it, or it was betting to be an adiction, but first I can't beleive he has not already gone with his brother, but assuming he hasnot most likely he will at least once

These are not hookers, he is not going to have sex with them,

So when he goes anywhere, what is going to happen, I suggest you talk with him and try to work this out

Okay first, I get what your saying.. but who said I was having a fit? I haven't even talked to him about it.. and he just turned 21 today.. and honestly whether your touching or not, idc its still wrong in my eyes.. or I don't agree with it I should say..

emopunk7 · Jan 18, 2010, 09:08 PM

Yeah I don't agree with it either but everyone goes... even I who hates being there has gone at least 4 times just because friends or a party and I couldn't care less about them like your boyfriend. I don't plan on going to one again but I'm sure it will happen. I even went when I had a girlfriend. You just let him go and you will feel better about yourself trusting him and it can save future drama... trust me! Just let it go and deal with it because its not like he is planning it. If he loves you, nothing can change him and I'm sure he loves you! So relax and go hang out with friends while he is out and don't let it get to you! You will be fine. No controlling equals a great long relationship!

Alty · Jan 18, 2010, 09:15 PM

This is not a big deal, it really isn't.

Like Chuck said, men are much more visual then women. This isn't cheating, this isn't even porn (in my opinion), it's just a bunch of guys going to a club and watching girls (that get paid extremely well) strip. He's coming home to you afterwards.

Why not make a night out of it, go with him. Either that or go with your friends to a strip club while he goes with his friends. Just have fun with it and realize that it's really not a big deal.

I would talk to him about it, tell him how you feel, but be prepared to offer a better argument then;

.I just honestly don't agree with them

Because that argument doesn't hold, it just sounds like insecurity and jealously to me.

Romefalls19 · Jan 19, 2010, 07:49 AM

He has already stated he didn't want to go, I'm not seeing the problem there. I'm 23, never been to a strip club in my life, but I'm sure my bachelor party will have at least one stop at one because my friends are like that. Just because your boyfriend goes to it doesn't mean he's going to a massive orgy where everyone does the strippers. The security at those places are TIGHT, I mean you're lucky if you can raise your hand while getting a dance.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, it sounds much more like you are insecure than standing behind your moral values. All the arguments you made are about him doing something to the stripper or vice versa.

inertia · Jan 19, 2010, 09:09 AM

I think girls reading twilight does more harm to a relationship than a strip club.

jleigh55 · Jan 19, 2010, 07:23 PM

Originally Posted by inertia

I think girls reading twilight does more harm to a relationship than a strip club.

Waitt.. where did this come from? And honestly I'm sorry but that makes no sense.. how can reading a romance novel harm your relationship... thats rediculos... lets compare.. reading a romance novel.. to.. watching a girl get naked for you?. umm I see a pretty big difference. If anybody says that's not being insecure if you let a FICTIONAL may I add, romance story about vampires and werevolves hurt your relationship... thats just stupid.. the only reason I can think of a way is the guy getting jealous of the guys in the book.. fictional characters... not a real life person.. lol..

jleigh55 · Jan 19, 2010, 07:27 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

He has already stated he didn't want to go, I'm not seeing the problem there. I'm 23, never been to a strip club in my life, but I'm sure my bachelor party will have at least one stop at one because my friends are like that. Just because your boyfriend goes to it doesn't mean he's going to a massive orgy where everyone does the strippers. The security at those places are TIGHT, I mean you're lucky if you can raise your hand while getting a dance.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, it sounds much more like you are insecure than standing behind your moral values. All the arguments you made are about him doing something to the stripper or vice versa.

And also... this is definitely not being insecure or jealous.. me and my boyfriend talk about other people we think are attractive all the time.. no big deal.. like I honestly think he's never going to see a girl he's attracted to again just cause he's with me.. (that was a sarcastc joke)... so it really is just me standing behind my moral values.. I don't agree with them.. bottom line.. so how can I come up with "a better argument" if I feel there is no other reason.. I just don agree with them.. even if I wasn't in a relationship.

J_9 · Jan 19, 2010, 07:33 PM

I'm going to tell you from a strip club point of view... yes I used to work in one.

The guys are there to have fun. This is where they can get away from the wives and girlfriends and just be guys.

Have you ever seen the Little Rascals clubhouse? No Girls Allowed? Well, it's the same thing really because wives and girlfriends don't want to go.

The men aren't there to pick up girls, they can't touch the girls, the girls can't touch them (if it's reputable).

Why not go with him the first time? It can actually be a real turn on.

friend4u178 · Jan 19, 2010, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by jleigh55

...so it really is just me standing behind my moral values..i don't agree with them..bottom line..

So because you "just don't agree with them" your BF has to suffer and not indulge in a bit of harmless fun with his buddies?? Sorry but seems a bit lame to me.

Originally Posted by jleigh55

..so how can i come up with "a better argument" if i feel there is no other reason..i just don agree with them..even if i wasn't in a relationship.

You see this is exactly it , you want a better argument?? I suggest you just get over it , particularly as you "Trust" him , or so you say :rolleyes:

Sorry to be harsh but just because "you don't like them" isn't a real good reason in my opinion.

Alty · Jan 19, 2010, 07:55 PM

Sorry to be harsh but just because "you don't like them" isn't a real good reason in my opinion.

I agree 100% but I still have to spread the rep.

To the OP. Do you and your boyfriend have sex? If so, do you get naked in order to have sex or is it a "cloth with a hole in it" kind of thing?

It's just a naked body. What do you have against that?

You say it's because of your morals. What morals are you referring to? If you're having sex and your not married, that's a "moral" issue as well. You're okay with that, right?

This isn't a moral issue, this is an issue of being insecure and jealous. If you're completely honest with yourself you'll realize that I'm right.

roxypox · Jan 19, 2010, 08:32 PM

1.I think you need to rethink why you don't like it...

2. he says he doesn't want to go so there should really be a problem.. right?

Either way.. you do need a better argument. So if you figure out why your insecure... obs sorry don't like it. Well it might just help you to construct a better argument.

I think this should be about you needing to help you and not you needing to stop him.

jleigh55 · Jan 20, 2010, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by roxypox

1.I think you need to rethink why you don't like it...

2. he says he doesn't want to go so there should really be a problem.. right?

Either way.. you do need a better argument. So if you figure out why your insecure... obs sorry don't like it. well it might just help you to construct a better argument.

I think this should be about you needing to help you and not you needing to stop him.

Okay seriously can you people NOT read?? I am obviously not insecure if we can sit there and talk about other people we think are good looking to each other with no problems and past relationships and like that... have you ever just not agreed with something?? Damn you people can't read or see past your own moral views.. just because your okay with it doesn't mean other people can't be!

Alty · Jan 20, 2010, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by jleigh55

okay seriously can you people NOT read?????????????? i am obviously not insecure if we can sit there and talk about other people we think are good looking to eachother with no problems and past relationships and like that...have you ever just not agreed with something??? damn you people can't read or see past your own moral views..just because your okay with it doesn't mean other people can't be!

The bottom line, it's not up to you whether he goes or not. It's his life, his choice.

Of course he should take your objection into consideration, but, if he's thought about it and come to the same conclusion we have (that it's harmless fun and you're over reacting) then he should feel free to go.

You can disagree all you want, but you can't forbid him from going just because you don't like strip clubs.

Your only option is to talk to him, tell him how you feel.

friend4u178 · Jan 20, 2010, 03:11 PM

Sorry we didn't tell you what you wanted to hear :rolleyes:

jleigh55 · Jan 20, 2010, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Sorry we didn't tell you what you wanted to hear :rolleyes:

Okay you can seriously screw yourself with the sarcasim... grow up... I posted this question asking for opinions, so there is no right or wrong answer! And second.. I didn't "want" to hear anything.. I just wanted advice and once again.. you people need to learn how to read cause tell me where I ever said I told him not to go?? I just said that i don't agree with them and asked your peoples help on what you thought of the situation and not for you all to sit here and make rude comments... screw this stupid website.. you people obviously don't know how to help people.. but rather insult them just because they don't think something is right that you have no problem with... you don't need to sit here and mock me out and make rude comments just because I don't like strip clubs... grow the up;)

neverme · Jan 20, 2010, 08:51 PM

You got opinions and advice and the posters all thought that it was out of insecurity that you had a problem with this, or at least that it was a contributing factor.

They can all read just fine, they just don't think you are admitting something to yourself. No one was rude, no one insulted you.

And I think it is you that needs to grow up. I agree with the other posters that there is nothing wrong with strip clubs, morally or otherwise if they are reputable. The girls are not there under duress, the patrons went there of their own will and everyone in there is legally allowed to be. Where's the problem?

But see the thing is, if you don't like the answers, don't read them. No one is making you come here and read them that is your choice. If you don't agree with or do not like what the others have said, disregard it. Simple.

Alty · Jan 20, 2010, 08:55 PM

Originally Posted by jleigh55

okay you can seriously screw yourself with the sarcasim...grow up...i posted this question asking for opinions, so there is no right or wrong answer! and second..i didnt "want" to hear anything..i just wanted advice and once again..you people need to learn how to read cause tell me where i ever said i told him not to go????? i just said that i don't agree with them and asked your peoples help on what you thought of the situation and not for you all to sit here and make rude comments...screw this stupid website..you people obviously don't know how to help people..but rather insult them just because they don't think something is right that you have no problem with...you don't need to sit here and mock me out and make rude comments just because i don't like strip clubs...grow the up;)

Oh no, you're not insecure at all (sarcasm).

We told you what we thought. It wasn't what you wanted to hear so now you're all pissy and pouty and upset. Get over it!

We weren't rude, we were honest. If you can't handle that, then go talk to your friends they'll tell you what you want to hear, not the truth.

Did you think that everyone would agree with you? Some people will, because of moral or religious issues with strip clubs, or, they're like you, insecure and jealous.

Before you say you're not, and you know you'll come back to post one last time, whenever someone screams that they're not insecure, tells people off because they claimed that you might be insecure, that shows me one thing... you're insecure! Me thinks you doth protest too much.

roxypox · Jan 20, 2010, 10:20 PM

Listen, I gave you my opinion.. that's all. I read you just fine.

What my post was about, is that IF he decides to go... (but from what I understand in your original post) he says he WON't do.. than you should construct a better argument for yourself

I also feel that there are levels of insecurity and I read your posts and Opinions as insecure. So even if you can talk about people who are hot and who's not.. well that is one level of security... but that is not to say that its ful security. Besides, sometimes (and no I'm not talking about you, just in general and its based on my general experience with these things, both personal and from friends of mine) that we harbor insecurities that we are unaware of...

If you didn't like my opinion or anyone else's, than HEY that's fine. You don't need to like them. You can even CHOOSE not to take it to heart, you can CHOOSE not to take it seriously, you can CHOOSE not to read any more or you can CHOOSE to ignore it...

No need to get pissy at anyone...

Yes, that was my 2 cents...

Signing off;

Roxy