[JK191]

Well hello, I'm JK191, I've been coming to this site and reading some of the threads but never actually registered or posted. I'm afraid I can't have much insight to offer as I'm quite new to the sexual experience.

Anyway, the background info that you guys usually need to make a better judgement and assessment:

-I'm 18, my girlfriend is 19.
-We've been dating for about 11 months now.
-Sexually active between ourselves for 6 of them.

-We were both virgins to each other but had made-out and engaged in oral sex with 1 previous Girlfriend/boyfriend each.

Ok, so the trouble I'm coming upon is that I have a bit of trouble helping her achieve climax.

We do not engage in sex often, it averages out to about once every 2 weeks since we're both busy with university and some other activities.

I have no problem talking about sex with her and doing so did help make the whole experience a lot more pleasurable for her. She says that I've been learning from what she explains and that it did make it overall better.

We do spend quite a long time on foreplay, sometimes up to 40 minutes. I'll usually go down on her prior to intercourse for a good 15-25 minutes (I enjoy doing it very much so, and she's happy that she doesn't have to ask or so she says anyway :) ). I can last quite a lot during sex should I want to, I'll at least take 15 minutes.

Things is, I don't know what seems to be the problem.

I think its me that's screwing up but I don't know at what exactly.

She does say she can reach orgasm when masturbating, but she can't seem to get there with me. It makes me a bit sad that I can't help her climax when she helps me about every time.

I'd appreciate any input and would be happy to answer any questions so as to help you have a better view.

PS: If my english is lacking in some way, I apologize. It's my second language that I learnt on my own.

PPS: Thank you for your replies in advance!

[LJDK]

Tell her to rub her while you are having sex. Or you can do it if she is not open to that thought yet.

Tip : Don't stop... girls are not like men, if you stop for whatever reason and then go on, she has to start all over again.

[Synnen]

Can she bring herself to orgasm WITH you?

In other words, can she masturbate herself to orgasm while you have intercourse?

[JK191]

I'm afraid not.

[JK191]

Sorry for double posting but I figure a little more detail would be appreciated.

She has said she feels a bit uncomfortable touching herself when she's with me.

[Synnen]

Then she's not mentally into it enough to orgasm.

The biggest sex organ is the brain--ESPECIALLY with women. If she's not 100% comfortable with you in the bedroom, she's not going to have an orgasm with you.

Aside from that--if she can't SHOW you what feels good to her, how the heck can either of you expect to have it work? It's not like there's a button you push, or anything. Most women need to be comfortable, relaxed, and trust their partner completely in order to orgasm... and she may THINK she does with you, but if she can't show you how she touches herself, then she's not 100% comfortable with you in the bedroom.

[Cat1864]

Can she climax during oral sex?

You might also try small changes in positioning (both of you). A slight angle change can make a lot of difference. Talk with her about being honest about what positions and angles feel best.

I have noticed some women seem to think that masurbating for their partner or stimulating themselves during intercourse is 'kinky' or 'dirty' (or that is what they think their partner will think) or implies that their partner isn't 'enough'. Letting go of those thoughts is a part of becoming more comfortable with your partner.

[JK191]

I'm not sure Cat1864.

I believe she was pretty close twice or so with a mixture of vaginal and clitoral stimulation.

I can't be sure though, I'll ask her soon.

Synnen: Hmm thank you, I'll try suggesting this to her to at least find out if she can.

LJDK: She does from time to time, she doesn't particularly like it.

[neverme]

Really they couldn't be more correct!

Your girlfriend is not letting herself go. This is not an easy thing to do either, especially when it's your first time.

A suggestion though, if she does not feel comfortable masturbating in front of you, why not suggest you both try it together. First of all it is great to get some eh... hands on tips, it is a major turn on (I find anyway) and she may not feel so shy if she feels you are both trying new things together!

Also try to remind her that nothing is 'dirty' as long as it is between two consenting adults.

[Alty]

Touching yourself in front of a lover takes a lot of trust for most women. She may feel embarrassed, that you'll view her differently, that you'll think she's dirty.

The best way for me to orgasm during sex is with direct clitoral stimulation, be it from my husband or from myself.

Having said that, it took me a while to be comfortable enough to touch myself during sex. I was so worried about what the guy might think that I ended up over thinking it and never being able to fully let go with my former partners.
Thankfully I had that all worked out by the time I met my husband.

You're both new to sex. Right now, the best thing you can do is talk to each other, explore, figure out what works best for both of you. Like most things, practice makes perfect.

Now for the mom part of me. Please make sure you always use protection. A baby really spoils the mood for sex. ;)

[Gemini54]

Sounds to me like you're both still pretty new to the experience of sex in a relation.

It can take time for a woman to learn about her own body, learn about what she likes, and feel comfortable enough with her partner to climax. I remember it took me about a year with my first partner, if that's any consolation.

What I would say is, enjoy the sex that you're having. Don't make her orgasm the objective. Enjoy the journey, don't focus too much on the destination. Explore, share, and play with each other.

Yes, it would be great if she could come - but don't take it personally if she doesn't!

[mafiaangel180]

You guys are pretty new to it all, give yourselves a break. Besides, women get better with age as they get to know their own bodies and whatnot. I would recommend a cock ring. Those things are ah-mazing!!