[ineedsomeboots]

I have been in a relationship for over 18 months with a man who lives next door to my mom.He was a mutual friend of me and my sister and an ex husband of a former family friend.They were divorced ages before we got together.We were friends at first and I enjoyed his company after being alone for 8 years following a violent and abusive relationship with the father of my children. He was OK at first and we got on like a house on fire. However, his ex wife never seemed to let go and constantly rang txtd etc throughout the relationship telling him he shouldn't be with me etc etc. She finished the marriage as she turned into a lesbian so I couldn't understand her jealousy.He met her behind my back, lied about even going out with me. He came up to see me and was always about when I got paid, but I never saw him when he had his. Last christmas he came to dinner with his daughter and they didn't even bring a card, they brought a bottle of wine then took it back home with them, which I just put down as being a bit odd. He never wanted to go out or anything. A few times publicly he totally ignored me saying it was because I was with my neices and nephew and he didn't speak as he knew they did not like him.He went from not bothering at all during the day to being in my face 24 7 but expected to sit and eat at my house and not contribute anything.When ever I asked him to help out with the shopping bill he said well he would start and go home for food and that he didn't think, but carried on asking to borrow all my things and not returning them, money, cds, food etc.After asking where the relationship was going he said, he loved me and wanted t b with me, and he would move in as soon as his daughter and her boyfriend and her baby got a home of their own.In the meantime he was still meeting his wife saying it was his daughter meeting her, he was meeting his daughter.But if they're all together they are all meeting I said.I just wanted to know what was going on. I went out once to a family do of his, his relatives made it clear that they wernt too keen on her.Which I didn't get into a slagging match because I do not do slagging off, and made it clear to them I was not into ing.My mother did not approve of the relationship as she said he was just a leach and a bad influence on my children as he was lazy. My sister was shocked about how he treated me and refused to speak to him after he ignored me once.I had stupidly got involved with him so carried on with the relationship. However, latest is, his daughter got a house and he had arranged to wind his house up and move in with me.Then his wife was on at him wanting to move back in to his house.I asked him in what way and he said he didn't know and that there was no way she was moving in and even asked me if my daughter would double up with his (not very well behaved) younger daughter.I said to him that when he had said he would move in with me it was like a passing comment and I thought it was just pillow talk and hed said it 6 months before and I had not even got my head round it.He then sulked for about a week until I lost my cool and had to go into a different room as my son was there and I did not want to have a scene in front of him.The boyfriend however, flipped and said Im out of here and grabbed his xbox which hed brought up to play with my son on and banged about.He then stood at the door and said do you want me to go. I just said well your ready go home, Im not having you kicking off like that in front of my kids you scared my son. Since then he's rang twice the nx two days like everything was normal.The third not at all till I asked him what was what, and it would be better if he was coming up to visit to not come when my children were about. I said it was finished but he kept saying it wasn't.I am dreading him coming round.Anybody been in this situation? How am I going to get it into his head that enough is enough?:mad: :mad: :( :eek: Yes I do still care about him but I am sick of the hassle with his ex wife. I don't need it.Sorry about the long boring story.

[ordinaryguy]

Yeah, you do need some boots! Get walkin' and don't look back. This guy has played you for way too long.

[talaniman]

18 months is way to long to take crap from someone. I had a sick feeling after the first few lines and it got worse the more I read. YES I read the whole damn thing. You should have listened to your mother and sister. My faith in mankind will be destroyed completely if he moves in or you continue any longer with this LOSER!

[ineedsomeboots]

Thanks for the reply, I have told him he has to come and get his stuff that he's left here. He said oh we will take it slow for a bit.I said there was no point as he is just too selfish to have a relationship as if it isn't going his way he goes off.My 10 yr old said he was scared he would hit me so there is no way he's going to be around.I left their father 9 yr ago because he was violent so I arnt going to put my kids through that again.No I don't think he would hit me personally but my son thinking he would when he went off on one is enough.Thing is he knew id been through a violent relationship and I said to him I love my kids more than to put them through that.From being totally calm and quiet to kicking off over something stupid, because I asked him if he was going to sleep, in the afternoon when his eyes were shut. I am relieved but upset because I cared so much.I think more of my children. Funny thing is he rang short time ago to come up, on his way to meet his ex. LOL. Says it all doesn't it, he hasn't been anywhere near since he went off on one.Thanks for the advice.

[talaniman]

I am so glad, and I'm sure that your son agrees, that you have made this decision. I hope all mothers think of their children first before they bring these kinds of men in their lives. Their well being comes before any relationship in my eyes. I wish you luck and happiness and stick around, you have a lot to offer some confused young ladies here.