[UTaustinash]

SO... my boyfriend of a year and half broke up with me last Sunday. We are both in college and I go to school 3 hours away from him. We spend the summers and break together though and he comes down every other weekend and I go up. Anyway, this past weekend he said he didn't want to come down because he just wanted to spend time with his family and not be in the car for 6 hours. I was really selfish and we got into an argument because I wanted him to come. Anyway, we got over it (or forgot about it) and that weekend he stayed home and I stayed at school. He went out with the guys Saturday night and I didn't call or anything because I wanted him to have a good time. At about 3 am I called and said I was going to bed. He said OK, that he just got home, and that he was tired so he'd call me tomorrow. So, when I woke up Sunday there were 5 missed calls from him. I called him and he said, "we need to talk. I had a really good time with the guys last night and I don't think we should be together anymore."

He told me that he hasn't been happy for the past two months and that we've been arguing a lot. We had been arguing, but it was because school was stressful and everything else. But, whenever we saw each other, we didn't fight. We were so happy. I begged him to reconsider. He said he's already made up his mind.

The thing is, we have been friends for seven years, and been together for 2 years. He pursued for so long before I decided to be with him because I didn't want to ruin the friendship. He told me "If I had to think about the one right now no one else comes to mind." He told me he loved me before we were even together. The thing is, he honestly is the sweetest guy ever and he really isn't the type to just say things like that. He's really shy, I'm really outgoing, and we've always been different together because I bring him out of his shell. It's been like that since we've met.

Anyway, when he broke up with me he said he didn't want this relationship anymore. He said it didn't feel right anymore and that he just wanted to be alone. I begged him to think about it because he means so much to me. He said he already made his decision.

I really feel like he is the one. It's a feeling I can't describe and something I just can't let go. He has always told me I'm his soul mate, that I'm the one, how he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me, how he can't go a day without talking to me because it makes him so miserable. He broke up with me once in February because he said he didn't know if he wanted a relationship anymore, but after I begged him to think about it, he called me after 3 days saying he was miserable and wanted me back. We got back together and he promised he would never break up with me. He gave me a promise ring at 6 months. We were each others firsts.

I called him Monday after the break up and we talked but nothing changed. I didn't call Tuesday or Wed. but I called THursday and told him I'd be home Friday so we should talk. He agreed. We went and played tennis on Friday then talked, but nothing changed. He said he wants to be alone, he doesn't want to have to answer to anybody, and he doesn't want to work at this anymore. I told him I loved him and I know he's the one and he said he doesn't think so anymore. I don't know how feelings change like that. Feeling that you've had for over 2 years, then in 2 months they're gone. I told him I loved him, he said "I know" I asked if we would ever get together again, he said "I don't see us ever getting back together" I asked about talking to him, and he said we can't talk because things will just go back to how they were and he doesn't want that.

2 days before he broke up with me though, he kept talking about how he couldn't wait to come next weekend and take me out and be sweet to me. Then on Sunday he said he was going to break up with me during the week but he knew I had tests. That's bs because if you really were planning that, you wouldn't be talking about next weekend. He said he had been trying to convince himself he still felt that way. I think had he not went out with the guys, he wouldn't have done it because all his friends are recently single. Anyway, after the talk on Friday, I called him Saturday and said he could come get some pants I had, and he brought me my stuff. We talked again, and again I pleaded with him to think about it. He said "I don't see things changing" He said, "I don't know what's going to happen but I don't see us getting back together anytime in the near future."

I know lately he's been really stressed out with switching jobs, finals, trying to get an internship and all that plus the arguing. Also, He works, goes to school, and sees me so he never had time for his friends and family. I told him I was so sorry for all of that and I want to give him more space. I really do. I want him to hang out with his friends and stuff. He just never told me he wanted to. He said it was too late. He said he doesn't want to work on it anymore.

I just don't understand. I don't see how someone goes from being friends with someone for 7 years, being with them for 2, then just NEVER speaking to them again. I don't get it. Everyone tells me just to give him time and space. They say don't call him or contact him at all. THey say let him know what it's like. But what if he NEVER calls me again? I can't do that. He's been such an important part of my life. I want him back. And don't get me wrong, I could move on even though it would suck, but I don't want to because everything is telling me he's the one for me. I just don't see why he's so against working it out. I asked if we could just take a break, he said "no because breaks mean we'll get back together and I don't want to get back together with you." These are not things he would normally say. I want him back. I know I can't make him want to be with me, but I just really don't get how you can go from you are my soul mate and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you to I'm done.

Is he just never going to call me again? Is it really best for me not to call him? I want him in my life. I was going to be done with school in 6 months and then it wouldn't be long distance anymore. It would've been so much better. I told him I was committed to changing things and giving him more time for himself, but he wouldn't even consider it. I'm hurt. I don't get how it changed. I can't comprehend never speaking to him again. What do I do? I'm about to be home for Christmas break too and I can't help but think had we made it that far our relationship would have been recharged because we would be together. I know there are too many what-ifs, but I want another chance with him. I don't know if he's going to miss me. Sorry this is so long, but WHAT DO I DO>>>

[Wildcat21]

War and Peace!

Long distance Relationships rarely work - and eve nworse in college - too opportunities if you know what I mean.

I would NEVER wish a LDR on anyone - they are just too hard!! Too hard. Especially college kids.

DON'T call him - not contact - no needy - no insecure. GO OUT AND HAVE FUN!!

DON'T EVER CHANGE FOR HIM!! ONLY FOR YOURSELF!

[Geoffersonairplane]

Seriously, leave him alone.

I know you are hurting, I know only too well. But you put way too much pressure on him by asking him to reconsider his decision + he sounds like the stubborn type who don't like to be easily dissuaded.

Give him some space, work on yourself.

The cat is right, Long Distance Relationships rarely work and this is a good example of that.

Begging him won't work!

In fact, nothing will, you need to move on now. I'm not saying it's impossible that he will come back, I am just saying that you need to move forward from this for now.. You will have some pain for a good while but you will get through it.

[Jodied]

OKay #1 obivously, he wants other girls you are in college give him a chance to go out with the guys get laid and relize I really do want a realationship where I don't always end up 100 bucks for supper and someone that's knows me and cares about me and since you've been friends for so long just go back to that , surely theirs a chance he will fall back in love with you again there is a chance he may not> GOOD LUCK PARTY> AND GET LAID

[BIM]

I feel you have done all that you can. You cannot change someone's mind for them--if he needs to move on, you need to let him. :o

It sucks -- it really does. When you have felt he is the one and you did not see this coming -- it hurts more.

You need to concentrate on yourself and school.

Good Luck.

[UTaustinash]

I just don't know how you never talk to someone ever again. Will he never call me ever again or will giving him time make a difference?

[Skell]

Giving him time and space may make a difference.

But pushing and pleading won't. I guarantee you that!

You can't force someone to be with you.
Leave him alone, back off and focus on yourself.

It is your best hope.

And if he forgets you that easy then it wasn't meant to be and he wasn't worth it after all!

[s_cianci]

It sounds as though he's pretty firm in his decision. I can't necessarily answer the how or the why but, as others have told you, you've got to cease all contact with him and move on with your life. Obsessing about him isn't healthy and won't do anything to change the situation. Get busy doing the things that interest you and build your life without focusing on him. It's possible that he may eventually have a change of heart but don't bank on it. You've got to make him miss you and wonder what you're up to. You don't need him and can be just as happy without him as with him and he's got to realize that.

[UTaustinash]

THanks a lot for all of the advice. I know if I really have to I can move on and be happy. I don't doubt that, it's just I don't want to. At least not yet. He is/was my best friend and life was better because I could share it with him. He's just very stubborn. I just hope that giving him every amount of space possible will at least make him realize he misses me in his life because he and I were always different. It's hard... I'm still trying to live my life. People say it gets easier day by day, but I wonder if that's true for him too? I wonder if he thinks leading the independent crazy wild life will make him happy, but eventually it won't be all it's cracked up to be, because he's really not the "party type." Seriously. I'm not going to wait around for him, but I can't help but wonder if I really give him what he says he want if he'll try to come back, whether I still want him or not.

[talaniman]

THanks a lot for all of the advice. I know if I really have to I can move on and be happy. I don't doubt that, it's just I don't want to. At least not yet. He is/was my best friend and life was better because I could share it with him. He's just very stubborn. I just hope that giving him every amount of space possible will at least make him realize he misses me in his life because he and I were always different. It's hard...I'm still trying to live my life. People say it gets easier day by day, but I wonder if that's true for him too? I wonder if he thinks leading the independent crazy wild life will make him happy, but eventually it won't be all it's cracked up to be, because he's really not the "party type." Seriously. I'm not going to wait around for him, but I can't help but wonder if I really give him what he says he want if he'll try to come back, whether I still want him or not.

Your hurt badly, we can all see the hole in your soul. He is gone and not coming back, so you deserve a very good cry.

[BIM]

YES Tal--a good cry is needed and there will probably be a lot of crying ahead. It is all part of healing--even though it sucks.

[UTaustinash]

So... my boyfriend of 2 years and friends for 8 dumped me 2 weeks ago. He was always talking about marrying me, how I'm his soulmate blablah and he really isn't the guy just to say those things. (I promise) He said he wanted to be alone, blah blah, and he didn't want a relationship. Well, 3 days ago I found out he was making out with some high school girl! And she's not even cute. (And I promise I'm not being a hater). What is this about how he wants to be alone, then he can't even wait 2 weeks before another girl? He's hanging out with a really bad crowd, and now apparently he likes high school girls. (He's about to graduate college). He's never been the player type, he's always been really shy. It seems like he's trying to be like the other guys. What's the deal with this?

[talaniman]

He has changed. He is obviously not the shy guy you have known. He probably feels he has missed out on something and is trying to get it back. He will learn the hard way. Please under no circumstances wait for him to change back. Give him what he wants, and be glad he broke up before he cheated(?). In the meantime carry on with your life and leave him alone, that's what he wants. If he comes back don't be there as you can be happy without him. Take the opportunity to look around with fresh eyes and see what you can enjoy without him. It may be hard, but must be done.

[Geoffersonairplane]

He is young and is going through changes and has decided he (as tal points out) is missing out on something.

Sorry if this hurts but he probably wants to experiment a but and date other women. Tal is definitely right on this one, let him do what he wants and be glad it did not happen further down the road if you became married with kids.

Be glad also that he did the right thing by finishing with you and not cheating on you. That would be very hurtful.

I believe he has dealt with this in the right way. I know he gave you false hope of his eternal commitment to you, but men and women when they are at this age do not really know what they want. It is easy to become inspired by the concept of meeting a first love and for it to be the one true love that lasts forever. It does not always work out that way.

When he said he wanted to be alone was his way of letting you down without hurting you. He knew what he wanted to do but did not want to hurt you in the process.

Find a life without him, there are plenty of fish (including sharks) in the sea..

[Sentra]

I agree with Geffersonairplane and talaniman; as for him making out with some girl, it sounds like (to me) that she knows nothing about what the two of you had and was fed a line by some guy looking for a rebound. It IS great that it happened after the two of you broke up. Nothing says you can't move on, because obviously he has.

[Skell]

Yep,

Let him play with his high school girls and be glad he let you out before he cheated.

He will get burnt. Whatever it is that he has with this girl is nothing and I can see a lot of pain ahead for him.

If that's his way of dealing with a break up then you should be glad you aren't with him anymore. Sure it hurts but it looks as though you are seeing the real side of this person now!

[s_cianci]

Like you said, he could be finally feeling his oats and wants to play around. I agree that someone who's at the age to be graduating from college is playing with fire fooling around with someone who's high school age. But evidently he's not relationship material right now. Count your blessings that he let you go now before things went any further and you got burned even more.

[UTaustinash]

So it turns out... the new girl my ex is dating is not only 18, but also a stripper. Wow... I'm in college, I'm going to graduate soon, I have a lot going for me. And... he picks a stripper over me? One of my friends asked my ex if she was good looking and my ex said "not at all." Ok... so, why dump me, a pretty awesome girl who has been his best friend for 8 years and girlfriend for 2 years for an 18 year old, unattractive stripper? Um... can anyone give me reasons?

[imation]

He might be trying to make you jealous?
Or this unattractive stripper might be an awesome person underneath, is he too shallow to look past what the stripper looks like?
Try to find out more about the situation, get your friends talking to him, tlak to him yourself... find out the likelihood of him making you jealous
Hope I helped

[Thomas1970]

Quite simply, he may feel threatened. You're confident, educated, about to graduate soon. Perhaps he doesn't feel you need him as much anymore, and that scares him. He may well be suffering from low self-esteem.
This isn't to say, as Imation pointed out, that the exotic dancer isn't a wonderful person as well -- but eight years of history is certainly nothing to toss away lightly.
As comedian Richard Jeni once pointed out, men like strippers. They want the one thing every guy has... a dollar. :rolleyes: :)