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mommy02 · Dec 16, 2009, 10:24 AM

My 6 yr old son is in Kinder and has had 2 referrals to the office for making threats to other kids. I took some very special toys away the first time and really talked to him about how scary his words were and how it made the child feel. He also had to sit out at play time for 3 days. The second time my husband and I talked and we normally don't spank but thought this was something we needed to do so my husbanc spanked him and he laughed so then he got the belt and spanked him with that and he did cry. I also told him if he threatens anyone again that the school would call the police and he would have to go away for a awhile. I know that sounds bad but I don't know how to get him to understand that you can't say these things. He told one girl that he was going to set her hair on fire and another girl that he was going to smash her head in with a hammer. The school is giving him in school suspension for the last threat. He told a boy he was going to blow his house up. I don't know what else to do. I try to talk to him and he tells me he was angry when he said those things.
I need to know what I can do to help him show his anger in another way. Help with any sugestions.
My son is not violent, he doesn't yell at me, he has been in day care since he was born and non of this has ever happened before. I am very concerned and need help.

twinkiedooter · Dec 16, 2009, 10:36 AM

What kind of movies or TV shows does he watch? Are his friends at home watching violent stuff that he can see when he visits their homes? Does anyone play violent video games in his presence?

You need to question him and find out just where he has learned this threatening behavior from. This is quite serious as it can escalate in a hurry and result in him actually acting out any of these violent threats. Setting fire to another child's hair, blowing up someone's home, and hitting someone in the head with a hammer are not tame threats by any stretch of the imagination for a normal 6 year old child.

You need to get to the bottom of this immediately and nip it in the bud. Go and question the parents of the children your son hangs around after school or on weekends and see just what sort of an atmosphere is going on in their homes.

If none of the above works, I would suggest that you have the child seen by a Child Psychologist immediately regardless of the financial cost. Because if this is not addressed now, your son sounds like he is headed towards being a candidate for long prison sentences due to violence and/or murder.

rockie100 · Dec 16, 2009, 10:43 AM

You might want to talk to your family physician about getting a referral to a child physiologist. You could learn other ways to correct him, through proven studies, from them as well.

Also, if he has a favorite uncle, or family friend that he looks up to. Why not involve them as a middle person for your son to talk to. They could give him guidance that he would respect.
Take Care

Gemini54 · Dec 17, 2009, 12:37 AM

Please stop the spanking immediately. I don't know what the problem is with your son, but clearly spanking and talking to him sternly are not working. Physical punishment will just embed the behavior rather than stopping it.

It sounds as if there may be something at kinder that is triggering this behavior. Why does he get angry with these children? Is it likely they are bullying him? Ask him to act out for you what's happening before he gets angry.

Also, how does he respond when he's angry at home? You say he does not behave like this at home, so perhaps he deals with his anger in a different way when he's at home and he can transfer this response to his anger in the kinder setting.

Remember he's only 6. He hasn't behaved like this before, and he has only said things verbally, so I think it's a bit much to say that he's destined to become an axe murderer.

I do agree that dealing with it now and helping him with more appropriate responses is the best strategy. Perhaps the kinder can suggest a child psychologist and they can help him respond differently to whatever is happening in the kinder setting.

mommy02 · Dec 21, 2009, 09:33 AM

Thank you for all the sugestions. I am so appreciative. I did talk to him about where he gets these things. He has two older twin cousins and they were letting him play this game called Hallo. It is very graffic. He should not even been in the room with this game. I blame myself for not monitoring him more. He also sometime watches CSI with my husband and I.
I am watching very closely what he is watching and what he is playing with now. I pretty much follow him around now. We are on Christmas break now so I am really talking to him how to express his anger in a good way. I want to take all his play guns away, army toys, anything that has to do with fighting. I had got him this army dress up and a little gun to go with it for christmas and I want to take it back. My husband doesn't think we should go that far. He really just thinks this is a phase and if we get more strickter he will straighten up.
He is really a good kid. I don't think he means what he says and he doesn't really understand the seriousness of it. That is what I want him to understand.

MsMewiththat · Dec 21, 2009, 02:26 PM

I think it is great that you are receptive to the change. It's important to pull back on some of what he is exposed to. Particularly since he is unable to filter it and realize the consequences to the dangerous things he is referring to. He will get to an age where he can understand it and then it will be OK to allow the toy guns and the army play toys. Trying sharing with him the other side of what he is saying. When you say I will bash your head in etc etc... let him know what the result is to those actions.