[Tylerbouchard]

Ok. So let me let you in on the scoop. I am in college and fell in love with this girl. She was perfect, more like we were perfect. Everyone saw us as the happy couple who will eventually get married. When we first started dating she was all broken over her ex. I had to help her heal and realize that all men are not like there ex. After all the crying and emotionalness we really became in love. We did everything together. I never went a day without seeing her. Life was amazing. About 2 weeks ago she told me that she wanted to go on a break. I was scared because nothing was going wrong. She said that she was falling out of love with me. I tried to talk her out of it but she was not having it. That was on Wednesday night. She was supposed to go home Thursday for tryouts. Saturday I got a call and she told me that she wanted to break up. I could not handle it because there was no excuse. Later in the weed I soon found out the answer. The Thursday night that she said she was going home she did not. She stayed over at this guys place and stayed in his bed. She had lied and cheated on me. She was trying to keep this all behind my back and not tell me the reason. When I confronted her she told me everything. She had fallen in love with this other guy in 3 days. I can not see that possible. I had given her everything, when she wanted more attention I gave it to her. When she wanted more time with me I made time to spend with her. My goal was to make her happy and she was. I have tried to avoid contact with her but it is so damn hard. I love her so much and want her back. I have talked to all of her friends and they say that she has made a horrible mistake and that she will soon realize what she has lost. I can not get over her. I refrain from hitting the guy because that will not make me happier. I am not a violent person. It all happened all of a sudden and I just don't know what to do. She had told me that I was the one and we had plans for when we were going to get married and what we were going to do with our lives. I asked her the other day if she told him He was the one. You know what she said, she said that that is irrelevant which I know means she did. I cannot figure out why I want her back but I really do. She is my everything and I know that she is the one. Please help someone. I am in desperate need. I don't know what to do.

[LetsGoPens87]

Man... I am in the Same boat as you minus my ex cheating on me (as far as I know). Amazing relationship for 2 1/2 years, talked about marrying one another, growing old together, and we even signed a lease together for when I graduate this week. Then one week she says things are changing, we are drifting apart, and she was falling out of love with me. It sucks really bad, but I told her I don't want to talk to her until after finals week is over because I cannot keep thinking about her and study normally at the same time.

Although I do not have any advice for you besides using the NC rule, I just want you to know that you are not alone. Please keep us updated after you receive some good advice from the great people here.

[talaniman]

That has to be heart breaking, as I know you didn't see it coming. In any case where you take in a wounded, hurt person, and nurse them back to health, with all the TLC you have, they always leave when they mend, simply because they no longer need the doctor.

You got blindsided for sure, and this has been on her mind all along, she just didn't tell you, but worse played along so you thought things were going great.

Sorry for your loss guy, but accept she isn't the one, and put your life back together. It will be quite a while to get over her lies, and her cheating, but you did nothing wrong, but put your heart, hopes, and faith in the wrong hands.

You will recover, and be smarter for it, and in a while, you'll get your life back, and be happy, and even find another good human to share it with.

[Tylerbouchard]

Thank you but then why is everyone telling me that she will come back and that she has made a mistake. I still love her and can not see her like this. It drives me insane. I am actually going crazy right now. Not being able to see her, talk to her, hold her. My life is screwed up right now. And I just want her back.

[LetsGoPens87]

Thank you but then why is everyone telling me that she will come back and that she has made a mistake. I still love her and can not see her like this. It drives me insane. I am actually going crazy right now. Not being able to see her, talk to her, hold her. My life is screwed up right now. And i just want her back.

Dude I know it sucks because you shared those intimate thoughts together, just as I did, but leave her alone. She cheated on you! Obviously she isn't as wonderful as you thought.

What I would do is stop talking to her altogether for a good amount of time. If she truly still thinks you are the one for her she will contact you and let you know. Please don't waste your time and sit around for her, that will only make you feel worse.

[Tylerbouchard]

But I can't just let her do that to herself. I want her like so bad. I can't even explain.

[willshire]

I guess 'tis the season for heart-break. Similar situation for me except for minus the cheating (I hope) as well, seemingly happened right out of the blue... well, in hindsight, there were tell-tale hints of it coming, but that's like working a test backwards when you already know the answer. We feel your pain, and you'll get on, we always do. Even though I fail at NC, you know and I know, it's the only way to go.

[Jake2008]

I think one of the cruelest things to do to another, is to drop an enormous emotional bomb. Whether it be a breakup, an affair, a hidden past etc.

When it happens to you, you are in shock. You hear the words, and nature does not allow you to absorb the meaning, because you are unable to absorb it. You are stunned.

Slowly, bit by bit, it sinks in, and so too does the reaction. As more and more meaning and reality sets in, the worse it feels, and the more devastating it becomes all the way around. Everything in your normal world collapses, physically and emotionally.

As time passes, it is no longer 'new' news; the shock has worn off, you have begun to accept what has happened, at least the meaning of the words, and how it has affected your life.

Time goes on. And along with that, starts the healing, once you have worked through the initial pain, and gone through the process of accepting your life has changed. But it isn't over.

You may not think so, but you will pick up the pieces of your life, and time will heal the hurt, and lessen the grief you are feeling now. Bit by bit. It will not happen overnight, and it will be a rough road for a while.

Because her friends are saying that she's making a mistake, and imply that it is not over with you, because she will return, is really adding insult to injury. You can't live your life on a third party promise; it may never happen.

Think about what would happen if it did happen to come true. You have changed because of what she has done, and your life has been turned upside down. Can you imagine your life with her being the same as it was, or do you think that it is more likely you could never trust her again.

Is it worthwile to wait and see what happens, or is it best to go through this agony, and come out the other end a stronger person.

Only you can decide what is best for you, and that decision will take some time to go through, and come up with some answers for yourself.

At this point, it is no longer about her, and it is no longer about you and her, as a couple. This is your life, and yes, you are devastated, but you will get through this, and you will survive.

I hope you will post again, and let us know how things are going.

[talaniman]

Originally Posted by Tylerbouchard
Thank you but then why is everyone telling me that she will come back and that she has made a mistake.

There just trying to help in there own way, knowing your still in shock, but that will subside.

[Tylerbouchard]

Thank you all so much. I just got off the phone with her because I needed closure. She said that I just was not the one anymore. Some new guy has taken my place. I could not stop looking in the corner of my room, where all her stuff was. So I went over there to give it all back. I could not deal with it anymore. She made me a blanket and I put it over her bed. We made dinosaurs together which I put on her desk. I saved every note she left me telling me how much she loved me. I put those all over her room. As a last hope of her return. I wanted her to face me to see what she has put me through but she cant. She was next door with the guy. She kept telling me to leave and I kept saying no. I was talking to her sweetmates and they just don't know what to tell me. The notes are in different places in drawers where she will open them later not today. I just hope she can think about the past. As of now she does not which makes me so upset. That was my last effort to get her back and if it does not work I think that she must not be the one for me. I have tried so hard to fight for her, and she has not done a thing. She does not want to remember how great our relationship was. I just want her to stop what she is doing and think. This is my last attempt. She needs to come to me in order for this to work.

[CanIBuyAClue]

Tyler, I understand that you think that you are fighting for her, but you can't fight for somebody and make them realize they want you back. It's impossible. After my ex broke up with me, I continued doing a bunch of nice things for her expecting her to realize that "oh hey, this guy is great afterall..." You know where that got me? To her saying that I was manipulating her. It's totally messed up, and I have no idea what goes through people's minds.

This girl has cheated on you! For me that is unacceptable. You need to stop talking to her all together. First of all, because you're never going to heal from the break-up. And secondly, she'll never realize what she lost if you're always there. I'm not saying to do NC to make her miss you, do it for yourself. I personally would tell her to hit the bricks if she did come crawling back. Just work on building a better life for yourself.

[bjohnrupp]

Hey Tyler- I went through the same thing as you with my ex- fiancé 4 months ago. I know how bad it hurts and I know you want nothing more than to get back with her.

However, the sooner you accept the relationship is over and that she has moved on the sooner you will be able to heal. She has been thinking about breaking up with you for a while and once her mind is made up its almost impossible to convince her to come back to you- you'll be wasting your time.

I'm sorry to say but I strongly believe she was seeing this other guy for a lot longer than 3 days. Possibly a month or so. Think back to the past month with her and I'm sure thres some red flags on where she was on certain nights.

Its going to take a long time to heal but eventually you'll be OK. Its been 4 months for me and I'm still in pain but the pain is a lot less than it was. Good luck to you man and were all here to help.

Take everyone's advice as the weeks go by- you'll be glad you did. Trust me. As for her just do the no contact and save your pride and dignity. She'll have a lot less respect for you if you keep trying to get her back. Would you really want a cheater anyway?

[Tylerbouchard]

Last night I got a text from her. She had told me that she had spun out twice on the highway and that she is sorry for what she has done. She said that she felt like God was trying to tell her something. I told her to go talk to her new boyfriend that it was over between us. I think I have her thinking finally.

[slapshot_oi]

When we first started dating she was all broken over her ex.

Well, that's the root-cause of the break-up, you were a rebound.

This girl is a mess, she went from one relationship, and quickly into another one and is now in a third relationship. She needs to slow down and stay single.

I told her to go talk to her new boyfriend that it was over between us.

Nice

[Tylerbouchard]

I am home now which is in DC and she is in Ohio. So there is no communication between us. Its only when she decides to talk but I usually don't let her. Last night was the first time. I still want her back but she needs to realize what she has done. Which she has not done yet.

[bjohnrupp]

I am home now which is in DC and she is in Ohio. So there is no communication between us. Its only when she decides to talk but i usually dont let her. Last night was the first time. I still want her back but she needs to realize what she has done. Which she has not done yet.

Hey man- good for you... you're strong and that was great sending her the text that said to go tell it to your new boyfriend. I wish I was that strong in the beginning but you live and you learn. Sounds like you're on the right path and are handling the situation really well. If she doesn't come back to you then you know it wasn't meant to be because you're doing the right thing by being cold/unavailable to her

[Tylerbouchard]

Thanks

[talaniman]

Well, that's the root-cause of the break-up, you were a rebound.

This girl is a mess, she went from one relationship, and quickly into another one and is now in a third relationship. She needs to slow down and stay single.

This says it all, and I don't think she is worth waiting for because, it may be a long time before she gets it.

I hope your doing your own thing and enjoying the heck out of it!

[bjohnrupp]

I just re read your thread and I have 2 questions... how long weere you two together? And how old are you and her?

[Tylerbouchard]

We have been dating for about a year and a half. I am 20 and she is 19.