[catherine88]

3 posts merged,

I have been going out with this guy now for over 2 years and we have been engaged now for just over a year, but over the last year I have felt so clingy to him as if I'm almost obsessed with him and it really is doing my head in! And its just getting worse and still is at the moment, I feel very insecure and feel very needy of him as if I have to be with him all the time, and if I don't I just get very unhappy. I also think that I get jelous whenever he goes out to see his mates instead of wanting to see me, and also very selfish like I want him to myself all the time. But I hate feeling this way and just wish that I wouldn't analyise things too much because I often think he's not bothered about seeing me sometimes when he goes to see his mates instead of wanting to see me,I keep thinking very negatively. I just wish I could get on with my life at the same time by wanting to spend time with my friends and family and also doing other activities and being as happy as when I am with him. I have spoke to him about this and he says I should just try to change the way I think, but I have tried and I still just keep thinking these horrible negative thoughts. Also I tend to call him and text him a lot and if he doesn't text back I start thinking he's not bothered! Its so hard to understand, does anyone know what I'm going through or can anyone help me? Because I feel as though I am going mad!

[ascetic0]

My ex-girlfriend was like this for 6 years. It ruined our relationship because we became so dependent on each other that we turned emotionally abusive because of the rut we had put ourselves in.

She came to her senses but left me and is now out with her friends all the time. Try to build your life on your own... not around him. We all need a relationship with someone who's on our side and not in our way. You have to try and break the clingyness the best you can because it could tear you (and him) apart.

[tconniff]

There is a lot to be said about internal dialogue (what you say and the words you use in your head). Maybe what you need to do is write out a list of negative words that you use and then think of a list of positive words. Look at the list each day and start to use the positive list instead. Things like you are loved by your family and friends, you are a good and decent person who can survive whether you are married or single. If you work on yourself esteem you will feel better about yourself which means your partner would feel better too. Side note jealousy doesn't solve or help anything put that at the top of your negative list

[411Help]

You need to learn to be independent.

The way your acting now will RUIN your relationship. You need to realize your not his whole life, you're a PART of it. It needs to be like that vice versa.

[talaniman]

Its one thing to have the thoughts, its quite another to act on them. I agree, start changing the way you talk to yourself, stay positive, and put into action things to do without him, that you enjoy.

If you need help with this process, don't be afraid to get it.

[zeeniee]

Hi Catherine 88,

You need to make a better balance, where you can do want you want to do alone, where your man can do what he wants to do alone and where you both can spend time doing things together.

Make a list and perhaps you can go for a nice beer with your man and make some good suggestions? This way you can open up a nice communication with positive thoughts and realistic goals, which I am sure he would appreciate v much?

[liz28]

Right down your making his your life instead of having your own and that's not healthy.

Instead of being mad when he goes out with his friends why don't you make plans with your. He shouldn't be your only happiness because there should be other things that make you happy. A ma shouldn't validate who you are and it's good that you realize your issues now you have to work out ways to change them for this relationship to last.

Don't lose yourself in a man. Being jealous and have insecurities can be a deal breaker for a relationship. If your fiancé never stepped out of this relationship or gave you any reason to worry, then don't. Don't wish for something bad to happen and start going out more with friends and family and having a life outside of this relationship.

[kctiger]

You were an individual before you two started dating, so I am not sure where that ended, or why. What happened in the last year that has made you so clingy?

It is important, as Zeenie has mentioned, to keep a balance in a relationship, and not depending upon someone else for your happiness. I am also going to tell you that this is VERY hard to break. You have made it a habit, and, like any habit, it takes time to break. You have become addicted to your fiancé, which can be understandable, but very, very dangerous. These types of issues normally get worked out before a couple becomes engaged.

Don't forget that you are a great person too, and remember the things you like to do with your friends, and do them. This is about sharing your life, and who you are, not completely giving it up for the sake of your soon to be husband. You are going to have to find out who you are, and that means not being so desperate for attention from your fiancé.

Good luck.

[Mac Lovin]

Too be honest Catherine I have the same problem only difference is that I'm a male and get very insecure and hate been without my girlfriend...

[buja]

Catherine, I understand what you are going through and can tell you that it is vital to start making the steps to get yourself back. KCtiger speaks the truth. I am going through an almost identical situation at the present time and it is difficult. Remember that the other person loved you when you were independent so be more independent. I have found that taking steps to make myself happy has already started to help. It is not going to be easy and there will be tough times but the work is worth it for a healthy relationship.

[talaniman]

Hi Catherine, the others a very correct, taking responsibility for your own happiness, by balancing your life with things you enjoy doing, and accomplishing, without your soon to be husband, is a great idea. Having your own friends, and activities, is a must.

This will help change your thinking, and help you to love yourself. Go do something good for yourself, as when you love yourself and are happy with who you are, then you can have something to share with you partner. Go get busy.

[Str8stack71]

SELF CONTROL!. if you can master self control, then many situations, like this one, in life will not get out of hand.

[child4ever]

It may be the way you are thinking. You def don't need to continue because that kind of stuff will run them off. Think about this, if you guys are going to spend the rest of your lives together you don't need to spend every minute of every day together. You will have plenty of time. Go out with your friends and try to just leave your phone somewhere so you can't text or call him. I can almost garuntee if you leave him alone when he is with his friends, it will make you more desirable. Then he will start textin you! Also if you have gotten so comfortable with him that you don't even want to go out with your friends, that sounds like a confidence issue. Confidence is always very important, so get dress up and go some where looking fine.

[starbuck8]

If you keep on doing this, you are not even going to make it to the alter my dear! If you are constantly wanting his attention, you are without a doubt going to drive him straight in the other direction. He won't be around at all! Is that what you want? Then you will be coming here and asking us how to get him back, but the damage will have already been done.

You need to keep your mind busy! Plan your day around you, and not him. Don't give yourself time to sit and think about what he is doing and where he is! Go to the Gym or do some phyical activity that will release your anxiety. It will make you feel better about yourself. Don't think about it, just do it! Go out with your friends, take up a new hobby, join a group or club, volunteer for something you believe in to help other people! Focus your attention on something else, or you WILL lose him. No man wants a needy, clingy woman that has no life outside of him. It's too much responsibility, and it gets really old, really fast!

The more you do for yourself, the better you will feel, and the more he will be attracted to the more independent you!

[talaniman]

3 posts merged, there is no need to post the same question over, and over

[catherine88]

Threads merged again!!

Hi guys, I have been going out with this guy who is 24, for nearly 3 years now and have been engaged for over a year, and he is a very sensitive person and has been all his life. And get angry very easily. He is the kind of guy who doesn't really open up about his feelings when he is feeling down or depressed. Anyway whenever we have a small argument or something he goes very sensitive and ends up bringing our relationship into it and says really nasty things that hurt me so much, stuff like he doesn't love me or care about me much anymore, and that he doesn't think our relationship is going to work. And he seems as though he gets very confused. And in our whole relationship altogether this has happened so many times. And recently in the past month it has happened 3 times. We break up because of this, then after a day or a long horrible hour of it of me being really upset he always says that he was just being sensitive and angry and didn't mean any of it, and starts saying that he does love me so much and stuff then we hug and make up, but then also sometimes he says that I should just leave him and that I shouldn't be with him because he says that he is always going to be like this and doesn't want to keep on hurting me. I just don't know what to do! I love him so much and I just can't let go, because deep down I no how much he does love me, its just that when were on bad terms like when he goes sensitive he thinks all negatively about the whole relationship and forgets about the positive side of it, but I guess just because he goes sensitive, but I just don't know what to do because it hurts me so much when this happens, but would hurt me way more if we broke up for good. I just can't believe how he can treat me like that. But then I keep reminding myself he's just being sensitive. I have told him maybe he should get some professional help or maybe even just talk to one of his mates about it? Because I no whenever I have a problem it helps a lot when I talk to a mate, because I know he has a real problem here and hereally needs to sort it out especially for the sake or our relationship, please tell me what I should do?

Your post are either being deleted as duplicates, or merged into one. Why start new questions, and confuse us like that??

[tickle]

I can see that if you continue with this fellow and marry him your life is going to be one heck of a roller coaster ride because as you describe it, it is an emotional roller coaster ride right now. Every time he get sensitive you are going to beat yourself up over it and wonder why. I don't know why you want to make your life completely miserable this way.

It doesn't sound like he has your best interests or feelings in mind when he gets nasty like that.

He has to sort it out through counselling to find out why he turns on someone that cares for him. One doesn't treat people they care about this way.

[ardahk]

Amen - they really really don't.

Its exactly for that reason that you don't treat him that way either...

[neverme]

This man is not sensitive. Sensitivity not only means sensitive to THEIR problems, it means being sensitive to OTHERS problems. He uses the word 'sensitive' to cover the fact that he really doesn't care how his feelings make others feel.

He's feeling sorry for himself,. I'm so sensitive, I'm never going to change, leave me... come on. If he really believed all of this he'd be a man and stand up and pack his bags himself!

This situation doesn't just happen, he does it. You should remember this when you're the one sitting there crying and he's busy being 'sensitive'. This is emotional abuse.

Tell him that if he doesn't sort it out, your gone. Period.

[talaniman]

Well you are insecure, and he is sensitive, but nasty. The word INCOMPATIBLE, comes to mind.