[a5ive]

I'm 20 and she's 19. We've been together for 3 years, started as friends and fell in love.

What started the whole weirdness was I'm transferring to a 4-year university; a really good one 500 miles away (Berkeley) and one that's almost as good but not quite that's 45 min commute (USC).

I want to go USC because of family tradition but my parents say they can't afford it. My girlfriend said I should just go to Berkeley and we'd make the long distance work. Deal.

I leave mid-January. Our problems began right before Thanksgiving. She started seeing her other best friend (a girl) a lot in that month, I didn't care we still hung out here and there and I just let her be. Problem started when I complained that when she was with me I couldn't have her full attn (she'd text the friend constantly about Lady GaGa and concerts?) and when she was with her she'd go phone silent on me.

I asked her what was up and she said sorry a few days later she said that being with me might be hard for her acting career, even though I've been supportive and tried to get her an agent with William Morris before they merged with Endeavor. Anyway that blew over the next day and we were fine. (5 days before Thanksgiving)

Then two days ago she texts me saying she's thinking about us and if she made the right decision. I went over last night to talk it through and she said that she loves me a lot but doesn't know if it is like it used to be. Someone had asked her if she was willing to die for me and that got her thinking about it more than she apparently already was.

So she broke up saying that she didn't want to keep hurting me until she made up her mind.

Now I've read all the other posts and I have given her space but I still can't wrap my head around her not loving me. She doesn't need to say "I love you" for me to know. Her actions, her tone, the look I got all gave it away. I can feel it from her, but she's doubting it.

Her friend (same one as above) told me that she personally doesn't think I'm right for my girlfriend atm until she gets her future settle because I'm husband material.

My gf's dad and friend both said they can see us getting back together in the future and possibly marriage. I'm not pushing for marriage but if the time comes I wouldn't avoid it.

I've given her space; and I'm leaving in 30-40 days. I'd come back two weekends a month (5-8 days a month). We've been apart longer when she worked on a movie out of state for a month and a half with us just calling or webcaming.

I'll post more info that I think is relevant as the time comes.

Thanks

[a5ive]

** Addition **

She also has treated me like her boyfriend long after I left her house.

She texted my closest friends to make sure I was OK and to make sure they take care of me.

Even when we hugged goodbye I felt her love.

[jimseekinadvice]

I understand how you feel buddy. The thing is, she still broke up with you and is probably hoping that you'll wait till she "makes up her mind". What will this lead to? You in limbo and over-analyzing any type of contact with her or her friends. I know how it feels to have the ex still care about you. However, it is not fair to let her have all the power in deciding whether you guys should be together. So what do you do? You cut her out, and try to move on till she gets her head on straight or till you find a better girlfriend fit for yourself. Its going to be a hard couple months, but u'll get through it and u'll come out stronger.

[talaniman]

Your both facing life changing choices and decisions, and have many things to consider as far as your futures go. I think she is right though, that you need to face them alone, so I wouldn't fight her on this at all.

[a5ive]

When we broke up she asked me what I was thinking and what not. I really didn't say much to her; I told her anything I said would be trying to persuade her to stay and I didn't want her back for another week under persuasion, but by her own will.

The dad was shocked it ended so early. Since then I haven't contacted her since except that same night I was talking to her dad on the phone and he said break the silence just tonight and text her good night, so I did and she responded night.

But besides that I haven't made contact.

Have I done anything wrong with what I just said? Should I have spoken more when we were breaking up?

[amicon]

No I don't think you did anything wrong,you were honest with her.
Stay as you are now,no contact and make sure you keep busy and do things that make you feel good.

[Jake2008]

I agree with the others, and also that she was probably more ready than you when she broke up, having put her thoughts together to make a decision.

It always hits so hard when you finally do get the truth out.

It is nice that you had such a good relationship with her father, but I don't think your relationship problems with his daughter should be in that domain anymore.

You haven't done anything wrong. But, considering the circumstances now, I would consider the relationship over. Don't put your life on hold for something that may never happen.

[a5ive]

So she sent me a email today.

She apologized if she hurt me and to tell me she still cares, doesn't want to lose me even if we're never together because I've been such a big part of her life, everything is reminding her of me, and she wants to see me at least once before I leave for school.

Our email conversation also kind of put the spot light on her friend and she kind of saw how her friend is being manipulative like me and everyone around my ex see. If that friend wasn't around I don't think I would really be having this problem right now anyway but I have to somehow deal with it.

Espionage would backfire for sure.

[amicon]

I wouldn't stay in the friendzone or on the backburner. For whatever reasons she broke up with you.
Time to start thinking about you and how you can move forward with your life.