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kctiger · Feb 11, 2009, 11:27 AM

I don't think you are ready yet... this guy also seems way too attached, way too fast. When you are on a date, I have a general rule for all of us guys (besides the normal rules):

1. DO NOT bring up marriage... PERIOD.

Seriously, it is supposed to be fun getting to know someone, not a rush to get attached. He needs to slow down, and you should probably wait a bit longer to date as well. It is fine that you aren't comfortable yet, just take your time. Dating is not about rushing into a relationship, it is about getting to know someone, then decide if you think a relationship would work. His intentions are a bit pre-mature.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 11, 2009, 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I don't think you are ready yet...this guy also seems way too attached, way too fast. When you are on a date, I have a general rule for all of us guys (besides the normal rules):

1. DO NOT bring up marriage...PERIOD.

Seriously, it is supposed to be fun getting to know someone, not a rush to get attached. He needs to slow down, and you should probably wait a bit longer to date as well. It is fine that you aren't comfortable yet, just take your time. Dating is not about rushing into a relationship, it is about getting to know someone, then decide if you think a relationship would work. His intentions are a bit pre-mature.

I agree I'm still not over the ex. So far this guy seems nice. The reason as to why he is speaking about marriage is because of religious reasons. He says he is looking for a wife. I think its his way of telling me his intentions are good. This is normal for muslim men to speak like this. Abit forward I know.

If I do go and meet him do you think it will affect me in any way. Like stop my process of recovering from my break up? Some people say meeting new people is a good idea, whilst others say its rebounding

kctiger · Feb 11, 2009, 12:56 PM

No, I do not think it will be bad for you. It can actually be good practice just to socialize with the opposite sex, you know? If anything, who knows, maybe he could end up being a good friend. It never hurts to get your name out there. Rebounding happens if you get into a relationship with him, only looking to latch onto the comfort zone you once had with your ex. Going on a date is NOT rebounding.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 11, 2009, 01:11 PM

Your right maybe he could be a good friend. I do think he is expecting more. I don't want to hurt his feelings. This guy knows my heart is still sore, so hopefully he won't put pressure on me.

Is this normal to feel this way about the opposite sex afer a break up? It really upset me him saying sweet words to me.

kctiger · Feb 11, 2009, 01:13 PM

Yes, totally normal. I wanted NOTHING to do with other women for awhile, as I was cynical and jaded about them. It will pass. It takes time to get over, but right now, it is absolutely normal, and you aren't doing anything wrong, you are just looking out for yourself, and your heart.

talaniman · Feb 12, 2009, 06:11 PM

Can't you be honest and tell him your not looking for a husband? If honesty doesn't work, then leaving him alone will.

Romefalls19 · Feb 13, 2009, 06:57 AM

Honesty is the best policy, you aren't over your past so you can't try to plan the future.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 14, 2009, 09:55 AM

Just a quick question people. Does anyone else really struggle with cutting contact for good?

The only contact I have with my ex is online, no calls or text. I'm struggling to cut it off completely, and keep finding myself readding him to talk.

My will power seems to be weak, any suggestions to how to stop this annoying habit??

Happy valentines day!

aszmhodeus · Feb 14, 2009, 11:04 AM

Hi,

I`m also having such problems lately, especially today on valentines day. I have been in no contact for 5-6 weeks. Today I wanted so much to SMS or Call her (like I kept writing and then clicked cancel).

The only way to fight this is to slap you one and say (No I`m not doing this! I have to be strong). Or just try to consume your time as much as you can. Try not to message him anymore on online text messages (it doesn`t help at all), perhaps try to be in invisible mode. Get out with friends, read a book, play a game...

Take care >.<

UnluckyDucky · Feb 14, 2009, 11:12 AM

The easiest way is to remove or block what is causing your weakness. You can also force yourself to do another activity every time you think about trying to contact your ex. Another way would be to contact one of your friends or posting on here whenever you're feeling weak - sometimes just letting out the feeling can help you deal with it easier.

I know its hard. I've been there. I still had my ex's number programmed into my cell phone for awhile, but I realized whenever I was scrolling through my contact list I would see her name it would bring me down. I finally deleted it and haven't looked back since.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 14, 2009, 11:24 AM

This is the problem, when I do remove or block him I aways remove it and start talking again. Its like I'm addicted to this guy, and he doesn't even know it!

This is the only form of contact I have with him and its my downfall.

oldenoughtoknow · Feb 14, 2009, 11:50 AM

How long since you guys split? I've been treated so bad but still I replied to a few texts from my ex today. So I know how you're feeling its hard but you got to realise in the end it is best for you

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 14, 2009, 12:09 PM

We have been split up since the end of November. My ex doesn't text or phone me, in fact since we split up he hasn't botherd at all. It still hurts like mad, and I go through so many emotions.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 14, 2009, 12:41 PM

Well I took some of your advice. I met up with him for a drink. We will be friends and he knows this. I think I would like to be friends with him but I think he still wants more.

I said to him today.. what do you want from me? He said he wants to be friend because that is what I want. I know this man would like more from me, which is something that I cannot give. Is it best to leave him alone? Or stay friends. I don't want to lead him on in anyway.

cancunchic · Feb 14, 2009, 02:39 PM

In my opinion... You are not emotionally available.

It is funny how when he are not interested in the opposite sex... they are drawn to us.. however if we are looking for a relationship.. no one seems to be interested. Funny how that works.. People always want what they cannot have.

I would follow your heart and be true to yourself and if you think you are not ready then do not feel obligated to meet him. He will ultimately respect that you are upfront with him and not leading him on. Be prepared, he will probably try harder since men are hunters but stick to your guns! I wish you the best in moving on! :-)

jeepgrl015 · Feb 14, 2009, 03:08 PM

Since my break up I hate getting attention from other men, especially when they attempt to be more than friends. Is this normal?

This man makes me feel upset about the past. Does this mean I'm not ready to see another man, even as friends? Should I meet up with him?

I have to say that I am in the same boat with you. My boyfriend of 5yrs broke up with me in August and since then I have met a lot of men who say, "you can be my partner in crime" and "I want to have a long term relationship", they'll say romantic ideas and say how they like to cuddle and all I can think is how pissed off their making me and how stupid their ideas are. I don't know why I feel like this, but for ME this is a sign that I SHOULD NOT be dating right now. So, I am focusing on finishing up my school and my career. I need to love me first and hopefully someday, Ill be able to appreciate what men tell me.

Hope this helps and good luck!

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 14, 2009, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by cancunchic

In my opinion...You are not emotionally available.

It is funny how when he are not interested in the opposite sex...they are drawn to us..however if we are looking for a relationship..no one seems to be interested. Funny how that works..People always want what they cannot have.

I would follow your heart and be true to yourself and if you think you are not ready then do not feel obligated to meet him. He will ultimately respect that you are upfront with him and not leading him on. Be prepared, he will probably try harder since men are hunters but stick to your guns! I wish you the best in moving on! :-)

That is true, I've had more offers now than ever! Thanks for the advice.

talaniman · Feb 15, 2009, 10:36 AM

Commit to STRICT NO CONTACT OF ANY FASHION, or stay miserable and be mad at yourself.

When you get those urges, get up and find something else to do.

De4rest · Feb 15, 2009, 02:21 PM

Just block him and delete him from your contact. Then, you won't have the urges to contact him anymore.

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 16, 2009, 04:58 AM

I wish that worked, I keep unblocking and deleting to talk! Like I said my will power is weak