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natz2kool · Nov 29, 2009, 12:35 AM

Am 35 years and my boyfriend is 45 he is married and divorced with 2 children he says he is not ready to get married and have children from me as yet. Am worried cause am getting old and I have already spent 15 years with him. Asking him about his intensions gets us into arguments and end up with no solution. Please help me solve it cause my family is getting irritated with him. I love him and I don't want to loose him and am not ready to start another friendship with someone else.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 29, 2009, 01:33 AM

I am confused. Is he married or not? Has he been actually with you the whole 15 years? Whether you are married with a piece of paper or not. If you have been with him that long, how can you really question his intentions? Why is your family getting irritated with him. It should have nothing to do with them. You love him, who said anything about losing him? After 15 years and your questioning it because of your family?

amicon · Nov 29, 2009, 05:14 AM

I'm confused as well,do you mean he was married and is now divorced?
Could you give us some more details,please?

ChildOfGod_1 · Nov 29, 2009, 07:17 AM

He's 45 and looks like he has still got comitment phobia just like most men! And 15 years is tooo long. Its about time he said something to you!

Do talk to him... don't let it end in arguments... Please be strong, courageous, and ask him in a calm way about what he intends to with you!

If he keeps saying that he needs more and more time, I think it is better to leave him, as your man is not a keeper.

redhed35 · Nov 29, 2009, 07:47 AM

If you have been in a relationship for 15 years,you are in a committed relationship... thats what a marriage is.. you him love and can't see yourself with someone else,and if he has been with and only you for 15 years.. does that not tell you he is committed as well..

Why do you feel that getting married will make a difference to your relationship?

What have your family got to do with it? You're a grown women!

He has said he is not ready or perhaps he does not want to get officially married again... the way I see it is you have two choices... stay and accept the situation... or go,and find someone who wants the same things your do.

sully123 · Nov 29, 2009, 11:31 AM

I would say if he doesn't want to get married, and has no intentions to do so, then either except the relationship the way it is, or move on. If you are looking to get married, I don't think he is the right person. Fifteen years is a long time with someone and no commitment.

Jake2008 · Nov 29, 2009, 10:37 PM

15 years is a long time to wait to marry a man who can't make up his mind. If he doesn't want to marry you, why can't he just say so, without this turning into arguments.

That you are 35, and wanting children, is not unreasonable from a man you've been with for 15 years. Again, why can't he either commit or say no. You need to know where he stands.

While some may think that a marriage is just a piece of paper, if it means more to you, and it is what you want, it would be worthwhile not wasting any more time with this man, if he is unlikely to marry you, and have a family with you.

Sometimes love is just not enough.

sully123 · Nov 30, 2009, 04:03 AM

I completely understand how she feels! He can walk out anytime without a commitment or a ring. It's just harder if your married to walk out and a lot more expensive. If he doesn't want to commit to her and get married, then why waste her time. She can find someone who will get married and have a family with her.