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chelseajo08 · Nov 28, 2009, 07:12 PM

My boyfriend decided to tell me the other night that he sometimes isn't physically attracted to me because I need to "lose some weight and tone up."
I was extremely hurt by this.
I weight 128 lbs and am 5'4"... I have naturally wide hips, and a smaller upper body. I do have a little extra in the love handle area, and I agree it wouldn't kill me to tone up... but what I really want to know is if I should be OK with him caring so much.
Sometimes he looks at me funny when I eat, and I tell him it hurts me that he feels that way.
He says he just thinks if a couple loves one another, they should try to always look good for each other because physical attraction is important. He said he always works on his body to look good for me... but the thing is it's not so important to me. I feel that if 2 people truly love each other then a little extra weight shouldn't be a big deal.
He admits he is shallow, but still claims he loves me.
Everyone I ask says he's crazy and that I needed the 5 extra pounds I gained.
I just want more of a feedback on how I should deal with this.
:confused:

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2009, 07:14 PM

He is shallow and he does not love you, a person who loves you would love you regardless if you were 300 lbs.

The only weight I would lose is the weight of a un=caring boyfreind.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2009, 07:19 PM

Please stop asking the same question over and over, I have deleted all of your other posts

chelseajo08 · Nov 28, 2009, 07:24 PM

Sorry... New... Didn't know which section to post in. I didn't know it showed up all on one page.

summer7 · Nov 30, 2009, 12:43 AM

Hi,
I understand both sides here. Guys can get away with murder with us. They can gain weight, lose hair, grown an extra ear and we'll still love them and think they look great. Guys happen to be very visual, though. Your guy is telling you he loves you but he is also reminding you of what gets him (really happy ;)). I checked your height and weight on a chart and you seem to be normal weight for your height (medium frame I'm assuming). Now, if you feel that you are normal weight then he's being unreasonable then you should have a heart to heart with him. Five pounds isn't a big deal.

It's true that if someone really loves you, he should love you no matter what and still be attracted to you physically. Not all guys are like this unfortunately or all women for that matter.

I also want to see his side of this. Here's kind of an example. For me it is very important to be with a guy who is very neat, clean and cares about his appearance. I wouldn't care about a few extra pounds though. A great personality, wit, brains and humor are what really make me go nuts. But they have to look neat. I take pride in my appearance and I appreciate a partner who cares about his. If my guy started to forget to shower, wore dirty clothes and looked sloppy, I'd still love him, but I wouldn't be physically attracted to him. He would then say, "If you loved me, you'd love me no matter what." It's true, but a lot of us have a little something that would be a non-negotiable in the attraction department.

So there it is. I hope this made some sense. We looked at both sides. Again, if you feel he's being obsessive about your weight then you need to have a talk. I remember a woman at my gym saying that her husband forbade her to be fat during her pregnancy. You hope your guy isn't like that!! Better find out now.

reidsmomma · Jul 11, 2012, 09:02 AM

I think that in a relationship it is important to never stop trying to attract your other half, its important to make them want you. If the weight you gained bothers him, and he wasn't trying to be mean when he asked you to shed a few pounds, it's a sign of love, and a request that you shouldn't ignore. Although it hurt your feelings that he asked you, it may be hurting his feelings that he HAD to ask at all. I kow that my feelings are hurt that my spouse doesn't care enough to keep me attracted to him. The fact that he asked you is huge, I know many couples that just break up because one of them has let themselves go. The fact that he asked you means he wants to keep you. NOw on the other hand if he is making fun of you tell him to buzzer off and find some one who is comfortable with you the way you are.

I am not saying that shallow is a good thing by any means, but sexual attraction is important. And its not fair when one person lets them self go while the other is still trying to stay in shape. I am just speaking on behalf of the other side of the fence. My boyfriend has gained an incredible amount of weight and I can hardly stand having sex any more with his belly flopping ontop of me and his breasts in my face, its enough to make me sick, yet I still love him like crazy. I find it very unfair and I am still trying to find a nice way to tell him that I need him to drop a few pounds.

But I guess there is no nice way to tell some one that their weight is effecting you personally.

mmresd · Jul 11, 2012, 10:16 AM

If you want to look for better for yourself, then that is great especially to your health, if you feel you are fine and he doesn't like it, then tough cookie, he can always leave the door is open. However, a guy that accepts he is shallow is a double no-no and I would recommend leaving him, a shallow guy will also prefer someone that simply looks better than you, why put yourself in that position?