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fearxfear · Nov 27, 2009, 08:59 AM

Moved to its own thread

hey I'm new this site and I've been reading allot of the sticky. I find allot of this information helpful. I ve been in NC for about 2.5 weeks and we broke up almost a month now. She contacted me right when we broke up and then a week later I contacted her and then a week later she contacted me. I found I was going nuts reading into everything.Then I found this site and been trying to follow these rules. I feel I'm going to lose this person as a friend and we'll soon be just strangers. I really wish I could wish her happy thanks giving. I feel like everyone need someone to lean on and she going to find some other person to do that but me. =/

xadmin · Nov 27, 2009, 09:23 AM

Yes I have the same fear too for going NC, that she will lean on somebody else for emotional support and soon would forget me

talaniman · Nov 27, 2009, 09:24 AM

Your post was moved to its own thread so you can get better feedback, so welcome Fear.

First some questions. How old are you both, and how long have you been going together?

Have you agreed to be friends?

Why did you break up?

fearxfear · Nov 27, 2009, 09:45 AM

Hey talaniman and hello everyone,

I've been reading allot of the threads and serious its been a great help.

I'm 25 and my ex is 22. We dated about a year and we saw each other every weekend and we were doing well I thought. Then we went on vacation and when we got back about a week later she broke up with me.Her reasoning was that she wanted to be single. She went to a Halloween party with her girls and the next day she called with the quote " we need to talk". She said she was confused and she needed space. I was quick to react and said we should go our separate ways then. I try to keep busy with all my chores and errands. She later that day called me and said she wanted to hear my voice. My first thought that it was a fluke and a moment of weakness. So I try to keep calm and talk about everything but the relationship. Finally I asked what was going on and she said she wanted to stay single. I said fine and told her we shouldn't talk. As one week went by I started breaking down and I contacted her and try the same approach of talking about everything but the relationship. At the end of conversation I mention if she was certain with her decision and she said yes. I left the conversation open ended and figured this was it. About a week later she started to message me and ask how I been and she did this for three days. I try to be nice and answer everything politely and friendly but deep down it was killing me. Finally the forth time she contacted me I called her and told her to stop contacting me for I;m still emotionally tied into this relationship. A week goes by and I hear nothing from her and she contacted me again asking for me to respond to her but I ignored it and now its been about a week and its been a dead silence. Now I;m starting to have all these crazy thoughts of everything. Seem like these thought are normal because everyone story seem the same but I can't seem to cope with them that well. I sleep every night and wake every morning thinking and hoping ill gte text or a call. I feel she has def moved on and that the book for me with her is a done deal. So how do pple move on from this... I mean I know time is the answer but it feel very bleek. I have all these emotion that I can't comprehend to understand or sort. I feel that other person is going to be her emotional support and she fall into another relationship . The breakup so far is clean so I assume were civil and for the breakup. I think there another guy but that's my mind making things up, I have no concrete information.

xadmin · Nov 27, 2009, 09:48 AM

Just think of the worse. Think that she has somebody else already and certainly she has moved on because she risked losing you. I am sorry for your loss, but you need to heal now.

Devorameira · Nov 27, 2009, 09:49 AM

Sounds like it's completely over, so why don't you just move on and forget her? It's really hard to be "just friends" after you've been involved in a close relationship.

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Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

fearxfear · Nov 27, 2009, 09:52 AM

I totally agree.. I don't know my mind knows the answer and I've read so many story on here but yet my heart doesn't want to listen... when will I be normal again . =/

xadmin · Nov 27, 2009, 09:58 AM

Well, just move on and forget her is very hard to do. It's easier said than done. I know I am guilty of that. I think it, but I have trouble doing it myself. But it's the only way that things will get better really and it is so hard to do.

fearxfear · Nov 27, 2009, 10:00 AM

I can't even compare... I'm really struggling with it... but NC is the answer I assume... even if you want to wish them a happy thanks giving? How do u fight the feeling of being a distant memory,

amicon · Nov 27, 2009, 10:09 AM

Forgetting and moving on is tough and it takes some time and patience.
NC helps as no contact whatsoever helps clear the mind and does away with false hope.
Find a routine to get you through the day,stay as busy as you can and come back here when you need to.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2009, 12:28 PM

Had to spread the rep,

Amicons' plan is solid, and works for most of us. It will take time though, and a lot of hard work, but all the people here that have done it, and gone through this process, and have healed, are glad they did. You will be too.

fearxfear · Nov 27, 2009, 04:44 PM

Yeah I try to stick with that... so frustrating... keep coming in my mind that she with another guy... and I get all this anger and sadness... does anyone else face these emotions too
?

bjohnrupp · Nov 27, 2009, 05:32 PM

Hey Fear- what you're feeling is very normal... we all feel the same thing after somebody we loved more than anything gets rid of us out of the blue.

Like you my ex fiancé was 22 and when girls are that young there always looking out for someone they think is "better". Mine did the same thing. Sounds like she met someone at the Halloween party and they hit it off and the next day she dumped you.

Its going to take time and eventually you will be OK. Its been 3 1/2 months for me and although I'm doing better it still stings a lot and I still get that ache in my chest.

Anger and sadness are the two emotions that you'll feel the most - just stay no contact and you'll be OK. If you break no contact you're back to square 1 so don't be a fool like me and just stay NC.

You have to figure she's moved on already and very likely with another guy so she doesn't deserve you responding to her ever again.

fearxfear · Nov 29, 2009, 06:16 PM

What do I do if my ex keep IMing every few days... I haven't responded... but should I ever respond?

88sunflower · Nov 29, 2009, 07:49 PM

I think you need to listen to what everyone is saying and stick with NC. Don't respond to anything she sends you. Block her number from your phone. Letting her contact you when she feels is only giving her control of the situation. She knows your hurting and its keeping you hanging on. How long are you going to hang on? Long enough for her to realize some other guy is better and then she does permanent NC? Don't play the game. She wanted to split so let her go. Be strong. Find yourself a new chapter and start fresh.

fearxfear · Nov 29, 2009, 08:16 PM

Thank you 88 sunflower... you definitely said it best~... Do you think that any time she contact me... she trying to get back ? Probably not right? All wish full thinking

talaniman · Nov 29, 2009, 08:46 PM

Its closer to the truth that she just wants to check on you, and see if she can bait you into the friend zone, so she won't feel so guilty about dumping you.

If you give in she gets to keep you in her life, available to her when she wants you, but with no hope or commitment to romance at all.

88sunflower · Nov 30, 2009, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by fearxfear

thank you 88 sunflower ... you definitely said it best~ ... Do you think that any time she contact me ... she trying to get back ? probably not right? all wish full thinking

I don't think she is trying to get back with you when she calls. I think she is more or less checking on you. Checking to see if you have moved on or whatever it may be. I would be willing to bet if you moved on today she wouldn't like it. She is hovering like this to keep you to herself while she really doesn't want you.

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its closer to the truth that she just wants to check on you, and see if she can bait you into the friend zone, so she wont feel so guilty about dumping you.

If you give in she gets to keep you in her life, available to her when she wants you, but with no hope or commitment to romance at all.

Spreading the rep tal.

She is slyly keeping him on the back burner for her needs.

fearxfear · Nov 30, 2009, 07:18 AM

Yeah... She called me like 5 times last night and finally she texted and was like "i always answer your call why can't you answer mine?" I knew it... was a trick to call back and I fell for it.
So I called and I was like what do you want... and she was like are you angry at me? I was like no I'm not angry and it doesn't matter were broken up so we can't be friends right now so please don't call me or contact me. Then she started asking why we can't be friends and I told her I have emotion tied up in this relationship. She was like I still care for you. Blah

Did I screw up NC for myself? I don't feel the sting as badly but it seem like it creeping up on me... does anyone have these kind of feelings? Yea I feel she trying to use me as backup.

88sunflower · Nov 30, 2009, 07:30 AM

No matter why she calls or what she says do the NC. Look what talking to her that one time did to you? Is it going to be worth it every time to suffer the pain over and over?

She is worried your mad at her? Good grief she broke your heart does she want you to shake her hand and say thank you. Who cares if your mad at her. She made a choice.

One day you will get over this, you will move on. Just put one foot in front of the other and repeat...
Don't turn around and loo back.