Check out some similar questions!

bouytis · Nov 22, 2009, 11:43 AM

Hello all so here is my situtation. My girlfriend decided that she needed a break about 7-8 weeks ago so I sadly agreed to this break. During this time we talked on about 1 a week and not for really that long. Now she has decided that she wanted to meet up recently and we discussed things and we both still love each other. So right now we are just taking things slow and talking more and seeing each other a couple of times a week but not getting back together just yet. Before the break we talked all the time and saw each other each day. Does anyone have any opions on if this is a good course of action to take after a break... what usually happens after a "break" and what is the best way to procced?

amicon · Nov 22, 2009, 12:08 PM

Taking it slow,communicating and not jumping right back into the relationship is what you should be doing so carry on as you are.
There are no hard and fast rules what happens after breaks,on occasion people get back together,but sometimes a break turns into a breakup.

Devorameira · Nov 22, 2009, 12:17 PM

I'd definitely take it slow and easy. A lot of people try to jump right back in... that's a big mistake. If you haven't taken the time to solve the problems that caused the split in the first place, you'll end up accomplishing nothing at all and will probably end up splitting up again down the road. Lots of luck!:)

talaniman · Nov 22, 2009, 04:00 PM

If your not working on what the real problem, and getting solutions then your wasting your time.

Why did she break up in the first place?

bouytis · Nov 23, 2009, 06:01 PM

The only reason was the she wanted a little inpedendency thought we were to dependent on each other. Otherwise we had a great relationship with no real problems.

zippit · Nov 23, 2009, 06:14 PM

Different relationships calls for different plans of action I don't believe couples together or married for years do well taking a break,couples in high school,college maybe?
Im just not a fan of it unless one of the two is going through something really heavy i.e. a death,a job loss where after a short time you can expect a huge change in circumstances that will effect the relationship,otherwise I choose to lean towards life is short don't waste time trying to take breaks hopeing for change when chances are its not going to happen.

katieokell · Nov 23, 2009, 06:37 PM

You need to sit down with her and figure out whether being in a relationship together is worth it for both of you. Sometimes relationships don't work out, even if both parties want it to happen.
Talk to each other honestly about how you're feeling, why you went on the break, and what your expectations of each other are now that you're trying to get back together.

I wish · Nov 23, 2009, 07:25 PM

Tal mentioned a good point. You're wasting your time by seeing each other casually, because you are just sweeping your problems under the rug.

You've also become her backup plan. Now that she's no longer committed to you, she can go out and experiment with other guys. If things don't work out, she can always come crying back to you.

Don't be someone else's safety net. Have more self-respect. If you're not going to fix your problems together, then go your separate ways.

There's no reason for you to put your life on hold for her. The amount of time that she spends stringing you along, while you play along with it, could be better spent meeting new people.

bouytis · Nov 23, 2009, 07:35 PM

Why do you assume she is just stringing me along?

I wish · Nov 23, 2009, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by bouytis

Why do you assume she is just stringing me along?

Because she's not facing the problems head on with you. She's shoving them under the rug.

Do you not see that it's unfair to you to ask you to hang around while she's no longer committed to you? = backup plan / safety net

If you're fine with that, then go ahead. But you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

bouytis · Nov 23, 2009, 08:12 PM

I don't feel like I'm being strung along... I know you might think I'm crazy but we've talked about some things and I'm sure she is being honest with me

talaniman · Nov 23, 2009, 09:13 PM

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, at least have the courage to revoke their relationship privileges.

This not only gives you room to think, but them too. Meaning you both keep your dignity, and self respect, but are unavailable for the misery, and pain brought on by confusion, and false hope.

I take a dim view of a relationship that has to be broken to fix it. Maybe I've seen too many that (or read them here) that don't get fixed just because one partner is unwilling to work to fix it.

She may be honest with you, but I doubt she changes her mind. Time will tell.

I don't believe in begging, being friends with the hope for more, being an emotional tampon for a confused mind, or chasing someone that doesn't want to be caught.

She dumped you, and should be the one chasing.

bouytis · Nov 23, 2009, 09:34 PM

Some relationships do work out after breaks even if not all why not hope for the best

talaniman · Nov 24, 2009, 07:10 AM

In love we seldom see reality. Decisions based on facts, and not just feelings, from clarity of thought, will show you the difference between hope, and false hope.

If your dumped and doing all the chasing who suffers the most from her not changing her mind and taking you back?

Not saying don't talk, but I am saying talk to get the sense that she is willing, or not to work with you. If you're the only one working to that end, forget it. Doesn't matter how honest she is.

If she isn't changing her mind, and holds her position, you need another plan, like disappearing from her life.

Read the many stories here about exes who break NC, after dumping their partners, but have no intention of renewing romance.

bouytis · Nov 24, 2009, 11:34 AM

We have talked and she is willing to work with me I think things are progressing well as far as I can tell

bouytis · Nov 28, 2009, 01:21 PM

I'm having trouble actually getting her to open up to me and tell me exactly what she's thinking about the relationship... she hasn't seemed to have thought about what she wants before we get back together or exactly what she's looking for... when I ask her she just says I don't know... does anyone have any helpful suggestions on how to get her to open up to me... besides just completely disappearing from her life

bjohnrupp · Nov 28, 2009, 01:45 PM

Hey Bouytis- I know you're hoping for the best and I don't blame you. My recommendation is to go no contact for the next week. At the end of the week text her or call her and tell her you need to know if you're getting back together or if its over for good. I did this with my ex and I'm glad I did.

You can't be sitting around waiting for her when its possible she may have already moved on. She could let this go on for weeks or even a month or two. WOuld you be OK with that?

paxe · Nov 28, 2009, 02:00 PM

You may even return to her but it will mostly not work out in the long term. It's very rare for couples to get back together and when they do they break up fast again.

My ex actually came back for 48 hours with me before she broke out again. It doesn't mean anything. She doesn't want to open up because she is having doubts and wants to experience other stuff. At the same time she is keeping you around as a fallback. Be very wary of this kind of situation and do start taking care of yourself from now.

bouytis · Nov 29, 2009, 07:59 PM

How do I get some of the control back in the relationship without going nc? Since we are talking now and things are going pretty good but I feel like she has all the power and this is somthin that I defiently don't want to contine... so how do you get some of the power back?

talaniman · Nov 30, 2009, 04:01 PM

By having input and standing up for yourself.

Why do you think she has the power? What makes you think things are going so good?