[BARF]

Threads merged


"She's not worth it", "You can do better than her", "She doesn't deserve you".

Sigh.

[Sbhaxu]

It simply because we start by telling ourself that we can't leave without them while they keep on hurting us

[redhed35]

Is it wanting what we can't have?

I'm not sure.

What I do know,(ive read your other thread) is that keeping busy and setting new goals to strive for takes our mind of it..

If your constantly thinking about her and the past relationship it won't change..

You make a decision to change the way you think and view the situation.

[BARF]

Threads merged


Sorry if this is long. I just have a lot to get off my chest. It really hurts.

She's my ex actually. We are friends now but she has a new guy, whom I hate for that matter. I never liked him from the day I first saw him in school (he was a freshman when I was senior) and even more when I found out he was dating her when I left. Well the deal is I used to love her, more than I ever loved anyone, but I was just her toyboy whom she used to get over her ex.

Trying to get over her was the worst pain and sorrow I've had to go through in my life. Its been 8 months and nothing I do can get her out of my head. I'm afraid its going to last even longer. I keep telling myself I don't want to think about her, I have to get her out of my head but I end up always going back. Every image of her and her boyfriend is like a stab through the heart. Sometimes, though very rarely, I think killing myself would be the only way to end the pain. But then I know it's a stupid stupid thought and I'd never do it over a girl. Its just that I don't know any other way to ease this. I also feel like now might be a bad time to date other people cause myself esteem is really low and I've become slightly reserved and afraid girls would get bored of my personality.

I want to talk to people but there's no one who wants to listen. They just get sick of listening to me complain about her. I don't know... I really don't know what I'm going to do. There's only so much I can take.

[amicon]

Why torture yourself by staying friends? You need to get a life and a social life that doesn't include her. You need to heal from the breakup and not stay stuck in the past.
Make new friends,find new interests and get your life back.

[talaniman]

You should really read the stickies, there is a link in my signature, and ask all the questions you have. Venting here is good, but questions bring input from some very experienced people. You are not alone, by any means as we have all been where you are now.

Your threads were merged together to put the facts in one place, and not add to the confusion of some of the wacky people here, so you don't have to start a new question, just add your questions here.

[jmw0713]

You're not friends. Friends don't torture each other's feelings.

You need to separate yourself from her. No friends. No talking. You need a completely new beginning where she is not a part of that.

Tell her not to contact you.

Don't contact her.

Get rid of all off the things that remind you of her.

Find your friends who don't hang out with her and chill with them.

Do fun things.

Don't get into any relationships until you are in a better place mentally.

Meet new people and talk to other women (now) and date (when you are ready).

If you keep allowing her in and opening the wound, how will it ever heal?

[jimseekinadvice]

Your going to drive yourself mad by staying in contact. Cut her out till you heal completely. Only then can you truly be only friends. Being friends will not work as long as you still have those strong feelings for her. She probably doesn't even realize how much it hurts you when she's with her boyfriend. She thinks your okay with being "just friends". So until you tell her no more contact (since you still have feelings for her and you want to move on), your going to be unecessarily suffering for a long time. Do yourself a favor and avoid that road.

[BARF]

This friend of mine whom I thought I was close with, well I don't know what's up with her. I threw a party last year and invited her to it. Ever since then she's been acting all friendly but I realized its only when I start a conversation with her. I told her about a party that's my friend and I are throwing soon and she was like "i'll definitely be there". Then I find out that she's throwing a party that's tomorrow, and I wasn't invited. I just got a text from a mutual friend telling me that the theme is "blah blah blah".

What the hell?

[FadedMaster]

Be forward with your friend and ask them if there was a reason they didn't invite you. It's just possible that she was planning to invite you but hadn't gotten to it yet. Or it's also possible that your friend thought you already knew and assumed you "knew" you were invited.

One of my friends never invites me out, but he lets me know when he is going out every time. The reason is that, as he says, "[I] always have an open invitation."

So before you begin to think badly of this friend, make sure you talk to them first.

[BARF]

Despite her pretending to be nice to me, she b*tches behind my back and behaves like a real hypocrite. 'course I've gotten mad before but the anger doesn't seem to stick and then I'm all upset about her again. Its been a year and I know she's not worth the time and emotions, but I can never seem to get her out of my mind. Help?

[amicon]

I think this thread will be merged with your November 2009 one.

So long as you keep trying to be friends, you won't heal properly.

She doesn't seen like a friend at all,so go no contact and don't try for a friendship which isn't going to happen.

Leave her alone,go do your own thing and start moving on for real.

[neverme]

She is not acting like a friend and it is time to cut off this poisonous relationship and move on.

The healing can only start when you start to love yourself again. Having someone talk about you behind your back can only destroy yourself confidence.

My advice is to move, swiftly! away from this and discontinue the hurt you have endured for much too long.

Best of Luck.

[rosanna-hope]

"a heart that hurts, is a heart that works"

[JoeCanada76]

Obviously nothing that has been said on this thread to the op has helped at all. Does not want to listen does not want to try.

Your putting yourself through your own hell. It is up to you to get out of it.

This thread and issue is way to old and on going. Time to put an end to it.

NO CONTACT. ITS OVER. SIMPLE.

[kendallashton]

Man. I remember feeling that way. You never quite forget it. I have to tell you though, the girl is no good for you. You cannot make her treat you well or behave properly. She sounds like she's pretty much doing exactly as she wants - at your expense. Say 'no' to her. She'll find reasons for your paths to cross but stand firm - say 'no' and steer clear of this girl. This is another "life lesson". I hate to say it because I know how much it hurts. See it for what it is. Know that you will hurt for awhile but you will get over it.

[jmw0713]

Buddy, you have to stop talking to her and participating in the gossip. You need to break off from all of that and do you own thing. She is old news and you need to find new people to spend time with. Otherwise you are always going to hear things through the grape vine and be pissed off all the time. IMO that's not a place to be if you're trying to move on from something.

[BARF]

Threads merged
First off I'm going to say I'm not proud of what I did. It was all a drunken mistake, which I promise never to make again. So if you wouldn't judge me that would be great.

OK so my ex made out with me drunk at a party in front of her boyfriend. She even pushed away people who tried to pull her off me. I don't know how far you guys consider as cheating but making out with someone, esp your ex IN FRONT of your bf/gf is sure as hell considered cheating to me. However because I'm still so in love with this girl, I spill an entire years worth of bottled feelings out to her. But later when she sobers up, she throws it all back in my face saying she only "did me a favor" and she had no real feelings for me. I was (and still am) crushed.

However her boyfriend, bless his soul, decided to leave her and no matter how much she cries and begs he didn't want to take her back out of sheer anger. However recently he's been softening up and giving in to her bs. A part of me knows I have to let this horrible girl go but a part of me doesn't want to. A part of me dreads that they would end up getting back together. Maybe its because I still have hope that she may still have hidden feelings for me, I don't know. What do you suggest I do about the situation? Let her go?

[redhed35]

She kissed you because you were convienent,she kissed to make her then boyfriend jealous,for what ever reason..

That's her shame,not yours.

You were used and then discarded.

She sounds emotionally immature,and has a tantrum when she's not getting her own way.. do you really want to date someone like that?

Moving on from the torture of heartbreak is hard,I won't pretend its an easy road,BUT, the benefits are massive..

Imagine yourself full of confidence,over flowing self esteam,strutting your stuff and everyone admiring your swagger.. imagine yourself healthy and sleeping well,imagine all of the self doubt,confusion and fear gone... thats a little of what going no contact can bring you,but it requires hard core no contact and working on 'you',. I can tell you,that making the decision to move on will be the start of a new you.

[talaniman]

Your not over her, and need more time, and what her and her new guy do is there problem, so stay out of there business, and keep with your healing.

Dang dude you just broke up with the girl, so leave her alone, especially since you promised not to repeat your stupid drunken behavior again. I want to believe you. NC!