[StephAnn]

Hello,
I am a 24 yr old female and my boyfriend is 25 yrs old. Our sex life has been dropping off for about 5 months now. This is half of our relationship. When I first started to notice the drop off I asked him why this was. During this time we were staying with a friend until the middle of the following month when we would move away to finish school. This was an attempt to save a little extra cash. He said that the lack of sex would change when we had more privacy and when we did not have to wait until we were fairly sure everyone had fallen asleep and would not walk in on us. He said that it had become routine basically. We moved in Aug and instead of things getting better they have only gotten worse. Several time I have told him that I was not happy with this and his response would be that sex was not the most important part of a relationship for him, that he was tired after school and work and wanted to go to bed. Then the "routine" aspect also came up. Yet, when we do have the time to be intimate other then "bed time," he still is not. He started saying that he wished I would initiate more, so I did. But soon it became that I was the only one interested in initiation, and like wise in sex. He now says he just isn't interested in sex. That I need to just initiate if I want it and he will probably respond. I have told him that I need to feel wanted, not that I am constantly the one pressuring him into having sex. That regardless of his lack of a need for sex I need intimacy in the relationship. He said that he feel like it is more something that he has to do now, because I will become upset if he does not. (Though he is still hardly intimate.) Also lately, the slightest distraction during sex makes him lose his erection. IE Looking for a cleanup towel by the bed quickly before he "finishes," something we have always done. As I am sure most of you have heard a new video game just came out a few says ago, Modern Warfare. Last night after doing hw all night he decided to stay up until 1am playing the game. This did upset me greatly because previously he was too tired to stay up past 11-12. When that time came around he wanted to go right to sleep, with of course, no intimacy. I said something about it this evening, he made another excuse, seems there is always an excuse, and said again that sex wasn't important to him and he hasn't felt like having sex anymore. He did not see why I was upset that he decided to play a video game after his long standing excuse for lack of sex being that he was too tired to stay up late, and must go right to sleep etc.
I really have talked to him until I am blue in the face, he has not or will not listen or take into consideration how I feel about this. Sorry for the long post, put I felt the need to be thurough. So my first question: Is there any way to get through to him? Second: Does his lose of his erection mean that he just, is NOT attracted to me anymore? Third: After all of this talking and no reaction by him would it really be wrong to seek out another sexual partner to fulfill the needs he refuses to take care of?

Thank you.

[Catsmine]

Let me answer your questions specifically:

Is there any way to get through to him? Yes, cut him off. He's taking sex for granted.

Does his lose of his erection mean that he just, is NOT attracted to me anymore? No, but it may mean he is developing a medical problem, including addictions.


After all of this talking and no reaction by him would it really be wrong to seek out another sexual partner to fulfill the needs he refuses to take care of? Not if you move out first, otherwise very much so.

It sounds like you guys have reached the phase in your relationship called "The end of the honeymoon." Now is when you have to discover if your relationship is worth working on or if it was just playtime and is now over.

[jmjoseph]

Maybe he is not the one for you. I know that sounds harsh, but if he wants to play games more than have sex with you, that's a hint that he's not mature enough for a relationship.

How is the relationship in other ways? You said that sex was half of it, how is the other half?

Is he romantic? Does he treat you like he loves you? Does he do little things for you? Does he treat you like you are the only person in the room?

I agree with catsmine, you should cut him off until he stops taking you for granted.

As far as another sexual partner, just treat him how you would like to be treated. How would you feel if he cheated on you?

If this is so hard NOW, how do you think it will be in say TWENTY-FIVE YEARS?

[karma]

I am having the same problem with my boyfriend. We have sex about twice a month, and we've only been together for going on 10 months now. Somehow, even with this little bit of sex, I got pregnant. Now, sex is hardly on his mind at all, which makes me feel even uglier. I even tried "playing with myself" to get him turned on, and he left the room! I don't know what to do either. He does sweet things for me, but I need to feel loved, and sex twice a month (at most) isn't enough. Now I am 8 months pregnant, and he finally touched me for the first time in over a month. He barely let me get into it, just got on and it made me feel like he wanted to get it over with, which turned me off. He felt that I wasn't as into it so he got off and finished in the bathroom. I couldn't help but cry and when I told him that it made me sad knowing that he probably wouldn't touch me again until well after the baby was born, he didn't say anything, just went to bed. I recommend you look at all your options, because you don't want to end up like me, pregnant by a guy that has no interest in touching you, and probably masterbates alone more than he has sex with you, the girl he loves. Sigh, is it me? I'm still not sure, but in a way it makes me feel better, no less alone, that I am not the only one.