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    tina_tbay's Avatar
    tina_tbay Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Nov 11, 2009, 11:41 AM
    Confused about this new guys actions. I have a boyfriend
    Hi I am cheating on my boyfriend with this guy I have known for a while. Every time I see him we end up hooking up since I was 20 I am now 27. I really like him. Anyway we hung out all last weekend and when he left Sunday morning he said you better call your boyfriend and tell him where you've been all weekend. He seemed mad. I know this guy is looking for love and someone to settle down with could it be me? Wondering why he seemed mad I have a boyfriend. He kind of acts like he doesn't care. I mean he picked me up to hang out all weekend just wondering what my next move should be?
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #2

    Nov 11, 2009, 11:44 AM

    First things first: STOP CHEATING.

    Secondly, if you're willing to cheat on your boyfriend, then you should break up with him. Stop dragging it, it's unfair to him. Imagine if he found out about you?
    tina_tbay's Avatar
    tina_tbay Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Nov 11, 2009, 11:48 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by I wish View Post
    First things first: STOP CHEATING.

    Secondly, if you're willing to cheat on your boyfriend, then you should break up with him. Stop dragging it, it's unfair to him. Imagine if he found out about you?
    Well you I know I am dragging it on with my boyfriend I want to break up with him I just have finicial issues. I am not worried about my boyfriend I really want to be with this other guy but not sure. I would like an answer about what everyone thinks this guy thinks about me. I mean I told him about my situation. My boyfriend is nice but cheats and calls my bestfriends at 5 am so I am cheating he drove me to it. I am just curious about what people think this other guy I am fooling around with thinks? I would like to be in a relationship with him.
    bjohnrupp's Avatar
    bjohnrupp Posts: 293, Reputation: 32
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    #4

    Nov 11, 2009, 12:12 PM

    How do you know your boyfriend cheats? All you said was he called your best friend at 5 am
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Nov 11, 2009, 12:16 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by tina_tbay View Post
    Well ya I know I am dragging it on with my boyfriend I want to break up with him I just have finicial issues. I am not worried about my boyfriend I really want to be with this other guy but not sure. I would like an answer about what everyone thinks this guy thinks about me. I mean I told him about my situation. My boyfriend is nice but cheats and calls my bestfriends at 5 am so I am cheating he drove me to it. I am jsut curious about what people think this other guy I am fooling around with thinks? I would like to be in a relationship with him.
    We don't know what your lover is thinking. He could be ready to settle down, although why he'd pick you I don't know, you've proven that you use people and have no problem cheating.

    As for your poor boyfriend, you're staying because of financial issues? So he pays for everything and that's the only reason you're with him? Does he pay you for sex too?

    You don't deserve your boyfriend, you may not deserve your lover either.

    It's time that you stood on your own for a while.
    bjohnrupp's Avatar
    bjohnrupp Posts: 293, Reputation: 32
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    #6

    Nov 11, 2009, 12:25 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Altenweg View Post
    We don't know what your lover is thinking. He could be ready to settle down, although why he'd pick you I don't know, you've proven that you use people and have no problem cheating.

    As for your poor boyfriend, you're staying because of financial issues? So he pays for everything and that's the only reason you're with him? Does he pay you for sex too?

    You don't deserve your boyfriend, you may not deserve your lover either.

    It's time that you stood on your own for a while.
    Have to agree with Altenweg- I really don't know how you could live with yourself. So in other words you've been cheating on your boyfriend and using him. Poor guy- I really do feel bad for him. You don't deserve him. Go ahead leave your boyfriend and I guarantee you in time it won't work out with the guy you're cheating with. He's just using you for sex anyway.:rolleyes:
    tina_tbay's Avatar
    tina_tbay Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Nov 11, 2009, 01:21 PM

    Well everyone I understand exactly what I am doing. I know its selfish and wrong but I just like this guy I am seeing I have only seen him twice. I really like him and just want to figure out what he is thinking I mean if he is just using me for sex then why would he care if I have a boyfriend? Or even mention it. I do plan on leaving my boyfriend soon as possible. This other guy tols me he wants to settle down with sumone that's how I know he isn't a player or anything. I was faithful for 2 years with my b/f things aren't going good. So anyway with this new guy I am the one calling him iniciating everything. I just don't know if I should call him again I would like to hang out again
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #8

    Nov 11, 2009, 01:33 PM

    This other guy tols me he wants to settle down with sumone that's how I know he isn't a player or anything.
    Did you think he was going to say,I am using you for a piece?

    You have a very cavalier attitude about cheating and I suspect in the end you are going to end up with some very bad Karma.

    Your boyfriend did not force you to cheat.If he is being a bad boyfriend you walk away.No one forces someone to spread their legs.

    This guy is acting angry because his ego is flaring up when he thinks about sharing you.Its about possession,not love.

    That is not an indication of love or commitment.

    You need to learn how to survive without a man.Needy and clingy is a very unattractive trait.So is deceit!
    2ndTime's Avatar
    2ndTime Posts: 191, Reputation: 12
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    #9

    Nov 11, 2009, 01:46 PM

    Be careful. You know what they say, "if you play with the fire, you get hurt." If you saw some anger in the guy you just have sex with, he wants you to choose between your boyfriend and him. I am also confused about where you are standing, do you want long term relationship or just sex? It seems like you are not ready for a relationship, since you seem to equate sex as a relationship. You are also making an excuse to cheat on your boyfriend. There's really no alarm in him calling your best friend at 5 am, unless there's a clear evidence that he cheated on you. In addition, he maybe trying to find out if you are cheating on him through your best friend. If this is the case than, you will really get burned. My advise to you is you are in you late 20's, GROW UP.
    bjohnrupp's Avatar
    bjohnrupp Posts: 293, Reputation: 32
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    #10

    Nov 11, 2009, 02:15 PM

    You sound like my ex-fiance... you don't think anything of cheating and you said you've been doing this all along? I'm surprised you're 27... like everyone else is saying its time to grow up.

    Let me ask you something- 1) how does your boyfriend treat you? 2)do you no longer have sex with your boyfriend?
    tina_tbay's Avatar
    tina_tbay Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Nov 11, 2009, 02:46 PM

    No I haven't been doing this all along I have known the guy I am cheating with since I was twenty before I met my boyfriend I have been going out with my boyfriend for only 2 yrs and I have known this guy for 7 on and off just a fling whenever we see each other. But last weekend we I called him and we hung out ended up all weekend. Thanks for everyone's comments I realize I look bad and maybe I do have some growing up to do. My boyfriend treats me good we share everything (bills) its not like he is money bags. Anyway sex hasn't been the greatest and he is a crazy flirt when I ask him to stop (like the past too years ) he won't. I love this place everyone is so honest which is rare these days! So comment away I think I will break up with my boyfriend and see what happens with this guy things started not good so yes I imagine it won't go anywhere too bad at least I told him I had a b/f he participated too
    bjohnrupp's Avatar
    bjohnrupp Posts: 293, Reputation: 32
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    #12

    Nov 11, 2009, 02:54 PM

    Hey Tina- I like the fact that you didn't take what others are saying personally. Sounds to me like there is some trust issues going on here. You say he's a crazy flirt- do you think he would ever cheat on you or has cheated on you?

    When you say sex isn't the greatest is it because you hardly ever have it with him or is he just not good at it?

    You don't want to lose a good thing (bf) for a fling that likely won't last but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is in for a rocky ride and maybe its time you end it with him if you're having these thoughts.

    Does you boyfriend seem to be in love with you? It sounds like you're really going to crush his heart but if you're not into him anymore than do what you have to do.
    tina_tbay's Avatar
    tina_tbay Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Nov 11, 2009, 04:01 PM

    Hi well yes exactly there are huge trust issues. My boyfriend has definitely cheated on me in the past left the house at 5 am. Finding misc. girl things around that aren't mine. Not wanting to answer Private calls that's all while acting like he loves me taking me out all the time blah blah so anyway it doesn't justify what I am doing but he has kind of smartened up lately but I just don't want him anymore. After all the things he has done to me. Just recently when I was out with this other guy I found out that my b/f was at the strip club and was still drunk the next day at noon. (he called my best friend) So ummm yeah I love him but I've been exploring my options. I just stayed with him through everything he did because I didn't think I could get better I had majopr self esteem issues and with him paying 100 percent attention to every girl that walked by (doesnt help he is very attractive) myself esteem went for a nose dive. So anyway this has to end but I just want to be more then a booty call to this new guy I like having a boyfriend and I am loyal usually and nice just depends on the guy also. This guy is the total opposite of my boyfriend wouldn't even look at a chick who walks by. HE has been hurt in the past too and talked to me about it a lot. I just want to break up with my b.f and tell this new guy I am single and see what happens I know he likes me kind of he has been chasing me around for the past 7 years lol This new guy is weird though he is kind of like a 27 yr old trapped in a 50 yr old body he is very mature and kind of a jerk lol doesn't smile a lot I don't know I like him though so any more comments would HELP A lot THANKS GUYS!~~
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #14

    Nov 11, 2009, 08:23 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by tina_tbay View Post
    Well everyone I understand exactly what i am doing. I know its selfish and wrong but i just like this guy I am seeing I have only seen him twice. I really like him and just want to figure out what he is thinking I mean if he is just using me for sex then why would he care if I have a boyfriend? or even mention it. i do plan on leaving my bf soon as possible. This other guy tols me he wants to settle down with sumone thats how I know he isnt a player or anything. I was faithful for 2 years with my b/f things arent going good. So anyways with this new guy I am the one calling him iniciating everything. I just dont know if i should call him again I would like to hang out again
    You just like this guy? Well then, go ahead, spread your legs and give him some, who cares about the guy that loves and supports you. FYI, this is sarcasm.

    You know he's not a player? So he's a decent guy? I don't think so, he's having sex with someone that has a boyfriend.

    You were faithful for 2 years? What do you want, a pat on the back? I've been faithful for 19 years, what do I get? Also, times aren't always great, with anyone. If you can't handle the rough spots then you'll never have a relationship that works.

    Call him, I'm sure he'd love another booty call.

    If you treat other people like dirt, sooner or later it will come back to you.
    tina_tbay's Avatar
    tina_tbay Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #15

    Nov 11, 2009, 08:39 PM

    Well anyway I am cheating because I obviously don't want this relationship to continue that much farther I can't see it lasting. So I am exploring other options. Sorry if I am still living with him, I realize it is selfish but stuff happens whether not it's the best time to do it. I have had other longer relationships. Maybe my b/f is getting treated like dirt now because he treated me like dirt before YES Karma does come back to you. Lol anyway guys thanks for all your help in making my decision. I mean I wanted an honest answer and I got one but I mean enough with the criticism I know what I do is wrong.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #16

    Nov 11, 2009, 08:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by tina_tbay View Post
    Well anyways I am cheating because I obviously don't want this relationship to continue that much farther I can't see it lasting. So i am exploring other options. Sorry if I am still living with him, I realize it is selfish but stuff happens whether not its the best time to do it. I have had other longer relationships. Maybe my b/f is getting treated like dirt now because he treated me like dirt before YES Karma does come back to you. lol anyways guys thanks for all your help in making my decision. I mean I wanted an honest answer and I got one but I mean enough with the criticism I know what I do is wrong.
    You really don't see that what you're doing is wrong, do you?

    If he cheated on you then you think it's okay to cheat on him? Two wrongs don't make a right.

    It is selfish. As for stuff happening, cheating only happens if you allow it. You obviously don't have enough self control to stop yourself.

    No one is saying that you should stay with your boyfriend, we're just saying that you should have broke it off before "exploring other options".

    Yes, Karma does come back to you, so watch out.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #17

    Nov 11, 2009, 09:00 PM
    Firstly you should dump your current BF because your both staying together in a toxic Relationship , that's not good for either of you.

    Secondly you don't seem to really have any qualms about cheating , you really need to take a good hard look at yourself and make a decision to not make this a habit , otherwise every relationship you ever get into in the future will be full of dramas.

    Quote Originally Posted by tina_tbay View Post
    I am jsut curious about what people think this other guy I am fooling around with thinks?
    What do I think the other guy thinks??

    Well if I was him I'd think I've been getting a good bit of booty from a girl who's willing to cheat on her BF , that's not good Relationship material for me in the near future.
    paxe's Avatar
    paxe Posts: 793, Reputation: 158
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    #18

    Nov 11, 2009, 10:10 PM

    Since you don`t want criticism here`s the truth:
    That guy is using you, your using your boyfriend, and there is only pain down that road...
    2ndTime's Avatar
    2ndTime Posts: 191, Reputation: 12
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    #19

    Nov 11, 2009, 10:12 PM

    I heard about some women who cheat on their other half because they want to break it up because they don't want the responsibility to tell it up front and because they want the next person to think that they were wrongly dumped. If this is the case then, you need some serious help.
    tina_tbay's Avatar
    tina_tbay Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #20

    Nov 12, 2009, 10:53 AM

    Whoa lol okay guys I know I have some issues. Your all right I mean I knew all this all along you just need someone else to tell you to realize its true. So thanks again. I will be posting some more questions probably about my screwed up relationships lol see what happens in the next couple weeks.

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