[tearingapart]

I'm 16, my parents divorced when I was three months old, because my dad constantly cheated, and both physically and verbally abused my mum.

My mum has been single since, and I have no relationship with my father.

I've tried repeatedly over the years, but it always ended in a huge hurtful fight, followed by no contact for the next couple of years.

He lives in a different state, so I don't get to see him regularly. I went over at the start of last year, because things with my mum were becoming unbearable, and I just wanted to see if maybe I could alternate between the two.

He treated me like an idiot, and constantly belittled and patronized me. It really hurt :(
We had a huge fight and I left during the night to go and stay with my mum's friend. And then returned to perth.

A little while after that, I was diagnosed with depression. He sent repeated texts to my mum, saying I was just being manipulative and pretending to have depression to make everyone feel bad. It really hurt that he could think like that of me.

Lately, I've found myself attracted to old nurturing men. And I'm worried about it :( I don't want to end up as one of those girls with "daddy issues", but I don't know how to find a replacement dad, to give me the emotional skills a dad gives a daughter.

Has anyone been in this situation? Or does anyone know how to resolve the issue.

My mum has never had a boyfriend so I've never had a male role model, and as a result, I tend to go for guys that are pretty much exactly like my dad. They're emotionally abusive and controlling. But I can't imagine myself without the intensity of that relationship.

Please help.

I know something is wrong, I just don't know how to fix it :( thank you xxx

[amicon]

I feel for you-you ve had it tough.
Is the situation with your mother still rocky?
Are you on medication now?
I suggest you try to see a councillor so you can get professional help,maybe through your school ?
As you so rightly point out becoming involved with abusive older men because you re looking for a father figure will really hurt you longtime so please talk to an adult you can trust as soon as possible.
Take care.

[tearingapart]

I feel for you-you ve had it tough.
Is the situation with your mother still rocky?
Are you on medication now?
I suggest you try to see a councillor so you can get professional help,maybe through your school ?
As you so rightly point out becoming involved with abusive older men because you re looking for a father figure will really hurt you longtime so please talk to an adult you can trust as soon as possible.
Take care.

Yeah very rocky. Its just because its only been her and I for 16 years, its too much. I need my own space. I'm looking for a place to rent atm, just so I can get out.

And I took prozac for a couple of months, but I made the choice to come off them because I was becoming reliant.

And I dropped out of school, so there isn't really anyone to talk to. I've seen so many psychologists and pychiatrists, and they've only said things like, I need to stay away from abusive guys. Instead of actually getting to the core of it.

I've done lots of reading to see why I do this and it all comes down to the dad thing.

I just don't know what to do. The only father figure I ever had was my uncle, but I only knew him for a short time before he died in 2002.

I wonder if there's a rent-a-father service lol.

Thank you for your advice xxx

[kingbaby]

Just follow your heart whatever you feel is the right thing do it because in the end your the only that's going to be hurt follow your heart

[XOXOlove]

You don't need a father to have a role model or to be happy. So many people grow up without a father or even without parents.
You should find something to do to make you happy. Do you have a job? Maybe you can volunteer at a senior center or nursing home.

[Gemini54]

I'm sorry, but I live in Australia as well and it's quite difficult for a 16 year old not to be either in school, training or some sort of employment. There is something about your story that doesn't ring quite true to me.

If you've seen lots of professional counselors they wouldn't simply be telling you to 'avoid abusive men'. They would be giving you strategies to help you think through and deal with your issues.

At your age you would be considered by the school, and your supposed counselors, to be at risk and they would be developing a plan to assist you into training or employment.

Also if you've dropped out of school how will you get a place? Are you working? Landlords don't usually rent to 16 year olds.

In any case, worrying about daddy figures is the least of your worries. If you are serious about dealing with your attraction to abusive male figures in your life then counseling is still your only REAL option. You also need to get a job or go to TAFE. The Youth Allowance is available to young people over 16 that are at school, working or training.

Look into some realistic options for occupying your time. The daddy problem will seem much less urgent once you're doing something meaningful with your life.