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dl2009 · Nov 8, 2009, 03:20 PM

I have been dateing this guy for a year now, my mom lives with me , my boyfriend has tats, that she don't like , he has a job, he treats me like a lady , I go to his house on sat. nights from 10pm until 2pm Sunday afternoon ,I can't talk to him on the phone because my mom get mad at me , friends can't call becsuse she get mad,I don't go to see him because she get mad, he don't come over why she gets mad, yes I do see if as often as I can , I have seen him everyday for a year now... I have tried to talk to her about this and she don't want to hear it , I try to spend all I time I can with her everyday, I leave to go to work 30 min early so I can just see him , yes I have talk to my boyfriend about it and yes he understands to a point, like yesterday we had the day planned , he came over , I did not know he was , she came out and left for the afternoom,she came back and I ask her why are you mad ,she said she was not , did not talk to me the rest of the night and all day today , she tell me I can do better , you I could and have some guy tell me what I should do , but that is not me , I love this guy with all my heart , it is like my mom don't want me to have anyone in my life but her , but she tells me I need someone in my life , I don't understand, I feel like all the time, because of this , talking is not doing it for me... I just need someone to talk to or something becsuse at this point I don't have anyone to

Fr_Chuck · Nov 8, 2009, 04:37 PM

Important info missing, how old are you, the answer is different if you are 14 or if you are 24

dl2009 · Nov 8, 2009, 06:03 PM

I am 45 years old

rockie100 · Nov 8, 2009, 06:24 PM

Do you have a reason why you can't live apart from your mom? Does she have any reason not to like him besides his tattoos? Has she taken any time to get to know him?

justcurious55 · Nov 8, 2009, 07:13 PM

In addition to the others questions, I noticed you said your mom lives with you. Does that mean this is a home that you own? Or did you allow her to move in? If so, I'd say it's your house, your rules. But if it's vice versa, and you moved into her home, I would say her house, her rules and wonder why you don't move out on your own.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 8, 2009, 07:36 PM

OK at 45 you tell your mom what you are gong to do, you talk to who you want and have them over to }YOUR" home , if this is moms home you meet them somewhere.

If at 45 you are allowing your mom treat you like you were 15, you have more serious issues than the boyfriend

dl2009 · Nov 9, 2009, 08:15 AM

My mom lives with me because she is 75 years old and I want to take care of her until the end , she thinks I can do better with a 3peace sute and making well over 100,000.00 a year , she told me she don't like tats at all , I have tats myself and she don't like them at all , my boyfreind works for the city , all she tells me , I can do better.

J_9 · Nov 9, 2009, 08:22 AM

Okay, if you are 45, you know they are called tattoo's right? Tat is a term that teenagers use.

If you are really 45, you will tell your mother that she should be happy with whatever makes you happy.

If you are really 45, and I still doubt that you are due to your spelling and grammatical errors, you will tell your mother that you are old enough to make your own decisions regarding your own life.

dl2009 · Nov 9, 2009, 08:31 AM

I am 45 thank you, and no I don't spell good thank you ,and never could thank you, I have told her over and over again, but this not talking and leaveing the room for the past three days I don't like, I just did not pick out a guy that she would have, he is not rich, he don't have a uptown job, he has a down to earth country boy that I love , she don't like it

Jake2008 · Nov 9, 2009, 08:42 AM

You haven't answerd the question directly of, is this your home, or is it your mothers home.

dl2009 · Nov 9, 2009, 08:49 AM

This is my home

Jake2008 · Nov 9, 2009, 09:10 AM

OK, thank you. That is helpful information.

I say that because, while you have decided to take on your controlling mother, she is abusing you, and you are allowing it.

It is ridiculous for you to have to sneak out of your own home to see your boyfriend, and it is ridiculous for you to have to answer to your mother, at age 45.

Something has to be done here, so that you can live a normal life without the abuse from her.

Clearly she isn't going to change, and you need to seek out alternative living arrangements, for her, that are suitable. Start by speaking to your family doctor about a senior home, or assisted living. She needs to be in a place that offers her what she has now- her independence, safe living accommodations, but also offers others her own age to socialize with.

She could be feeling the need to be useful, or the need to mother you because you are living together. She needs to have her own space and develop interests outside of your life.

If you don't change this situation, you could find yourself at her age, and she nearing 100, still going strong, and life has passed you by.

At her age, you aren't going to change her. I think it is fair to say that the time to put your foot down is a moot point. You are entitled to an independent life, without your mother living under your roof sabotaging that!