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sully123 · Aug 15, 2009, 01:31 PM

Ok, some of you know a little about my situation. Went out with this guy from school about three times in the spring, last date, mid May. Both have same scenario, our ederly mom's with us living. We are both in our 50's. Calls me all the time, like three times a week, sweet as can be. Been divorced for 20 yrs. Lives next town over, real close, but I never see him. He said he hates coming home to his house now. He use to work a lot of hours in overtime, not the past few weeks. He has time for fishing, he says that's his getaway from the stress of his work and his mom. I said to him last week, I can understand that, that's why maybe go for a walk or ice cream during the week. Says he has no problem, but we haven't seen each other in three months. As I said calls me all the time, and its not lilke he has another girl. Why does he call me, and then not do anything? I don't need phone buddies. I don't need phone buddies have friends.. DO I not answer the phone anymore when he calls or just tell him I don't lilke the situation?

s_cianci · Aug 15, 2009, 01:37 PM

Tell him that you don't like the situation first. Then if the situation doesn't change, resort to not answering the phone.

sully123 · Nov 7, 2009, 03:23 PM

Some of you might be familiar with my situation. We are both in our middle fifties. I dated a guy from grammar school, since March, here and there maybe about five times since March. He worked a lot of hours at his job and takes care of his elderly mom, like me, we both have the same situation. We kept in contact quite often, only the next town over always seemed to catch up on things. Well the last time I saw him was late September, he called up until a few weeks ago. The texts were getting kind of scare, I didn't hear from him much. Thought he was just busy, and was just fine with that. Ok, yesterday he text me in the am and told me he would call me today which he did. Caught up on small talk and he proceeds to tell me that his ex-girlfriend has been calling him and wants to go back with him. In one hand he says I don't even have time for a girlfriend. He told me has thought about it, because they always got along well, but they would only fight about his mom. (the ex-girlfriend), I told him I didn'[t know what to say. I was shocked but then wasn't because it wasn't really a relationship, it was always a friendship more so, because he was always working a lot. In the next hand he told she kept on calling him and he told her he would talk to her. (ex girlfriend) . I just said from my experience you can never go back, he said well it depends what you broke off for. I said well that's just me, everyone if different. I cut the conversation kind of short after that, and said well I will let you go. He said well when I get my computer up and running I will email you. I didn't say a word, Just bye.. But what I wanted to say to him I didn't. So a few minutes after that, I text him and said to him (well it would have been nice to have seen you more, but that didn't happen... I respect him for being honest with me, but I felt I did wrong but sending that text.. was I wrong? (instead of saying it to him on the phone.. ) Can people really go back?

sully123 · Nov 8, 2009, 06:27 AM

I need some input on what anyone thinks?

I wish · Nov 8, 2009, 06:28 AM

Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your story and give you appropriate advice.

Too much drama for someone your age.

If he can't figure out what he wants, then leave him alone. It doesn't matter if he goes back or not.

If he doesn't feel the same way about you, then find someone else who does.

tickle · Nov 8, 2009, 10:12 AM

You don't have to start each post with 'you may be familiar with my situation'. Your posts are right here and we can up date if we want to answer.

This guy is too wishy washy, doesn't know what he wants, so just leave it alone. A relationship with him will go nowhere.

Tick

sully123 · Nov 8, 2009, 11:24 AM

I hadn't invested a lot in it tickle, because we are both going through a lot with our ederly moms taking care of them. It was just nice to have some time to spend with the opposite sex for a change instead of girlfriends. I am not extremely hurt, just dissapointed, we always had fun when we did get to see each other. It always make you second guess yourself, which I shouldn't do. Did I do something wrong?

amicon · Nov 8, 2009, 11:36 AM

No I don't think you did it was probably just not the right guy. Sometimes things don't work out and we have to move on.
Don't blame yourself -let it go.

sully123 · Nov 8, 2009, 11:54 AM

Thanks Amicon, I know it wasn't me, he has to figure this one out on his own. If he does try to contact me, I don't know if I even would want to talk to him, even though he was honest with me.

tickle · Nov 8, 2009, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by sully123

I hadn't invested alot in it tickle, because we are both going through alot with our ederly moms taking care of them. It was just nice to have some time to spend with the opposite sex for a change instead of girlfriends. I am not extremely hurt, just dissapointed, we always had fun when we did get to see each other. It always make you second guess yourself, which I shouldn't do. Did I do something wrong?

You have to start trusting in your judgment, your gut feeling, and in this case that is what you were doing. No, you didn't do anything wrong and stop thinking that you did.:D

Tick

sully123 · Nov 8, 2009, 12:08 PM

Thanks tickle for the advice!

sully123 · May 30, 2010, 01:31 PM

Threads merged

Wish I could merge my threads from before but don't know how, sorry. Dating every so often with same gentlemen from grammar school, not a lot, like every couple of months I would see him. I took it as a friendship, all along, he had thought about christmas time going back to his ex girlfriend. Believe me, me seeing him once in awhile was strictly platonic. He would call like a lot in two weeks, then I wouldn't hear from him. We both are in the same situation caring for our ederley mom's. Well, last Saturday he called and told me he has had it with his ex-girlfriend, tired of the head games. I told him it was his decision what he wanted to do. He said he was too old for this. They were on again and then off. Well, we had a three hour conversation, and said since day one he has always felt bad, he never gave us a chance, because he always liked me, and enjoyed being with me. But, he said many times he wanted to call and would get burnt out with an argument with his mom and took everything out of him. I understand that, because both of our mom's are in the mid 80's. He said he might be available, would you ever want a boyfriend. I said I hadn't even thougt about it, I have a lot going on. The next day he calls and he wanted to go for a walk, and then we went back to his house and had something to eat, and he was sweet as always, this time I thought well maybe it will go somewhere. His mom loves me and hates the so called ex girlfriend of his. We text during the week small talk and I called him yesterday, and left message to see how he was doing after he went to the doctors. Right now, he is on disability with his job, the past couple of weeks. I didn't get a call back, and its Memorial Day weekend, do I assume he went back to her. I have always just maintained my dignity and never chased. Do I just let it go, and if he calls again, not answer?

Devorameira · May 30, 2010, 01:59 PM

You don't know for sure why he hasn't called, so don't jump to any conclusion just yet. There could be an emergency or maybe he's sick or something.

You've left him a message, so now the ball is in his court. Just try to be patient a little longer... he may call and have a perfectly legitimate explanation.

sully123 · May 30, 2010, 02:16 PM

Thanks for the advice, Devorameira. I will do just that. I guess I am jumping too conlcusions, too fast.

talaniman · May 30, 2010, 02:49 PM

Had to spread the rep, but Devorameira, is right, for now just be patient.

sully123 · May 30, 2010, 03:18 PM

Thank you Tal, I will do just that!

sully123 · Jun 5, 2010, 03:25 PM

Well, he did call last week, and I was patient. He explained to me he had to get away and went boating with his guy friends fishing. We chatted for quite awhile, and told me he was probably putting his boat in this weekend. Well, I called him the other night, and left message to see what's going on. He didn't return my phone call. I have been patient, but I think maybe he went back to his ex girlfriend, but don't know for sure, if he did though. I know I don't want to play seconds. It just seems to me as sweet as he is and kind when we do see each other, it's not consistent enough for me. Yes, I so much enjoy his company, but seems to me he has time for others more than me. Maybe I am just analyzing too much, don't know, but maybe I should just move on. Maybe, I am way too patient.

makimaki · Jun 6, 2010, 05:20 AM

Time goes by and you still are unsure as to where you truly stand in his life? I say risk it and talk to him! Tell him EXACTLY how you feel. I think that enough has happened that it is OK to do so! You never know what might happen in the future... with greater risk come greater rewards!

Worse case scenario: He does like you only as a friend in which case, you will KNOW! I'm sorry if I sound too bold but that is how I do it! And even though I put myself out there for a possible heartbreak, I also put myself out there for a possible love.

And love is patient, but in my opinion, you have been patient enough ;) It doesn't have to seem like you are chasing him! It is a matter of what you want and how you feel! Stop hiding it! And by the way, I don't think age matters, certain interest change as we grow older, but we all want to love and be loved. Don't restrict yourself... don't be afraid of rejection!

Hope this was helpful... Take care

sully123 · Jun 6, 2010, 05:52 AM

Thank you, Makimaki for your kind words. We shall see what happens in the future, if I happens, its fine, if not, then I know it's not meant to be. I didn't allow myself to get this close this time. Thanks, again!

redhed35 · Jun 6, 2010, 06:13 AM

I read through the whole thread to catch up,there is a theme running through this relationship.

It sounds very much like you are his sounding board,a kind of balance that he needs,however,not enough to make a commitment to you.

Time is passing,do you think its time to move on from a possible future romantic relationship with this man and except that you are friends.

People don't really change that much,it sounds like your stuck in a loop,time to mix it up and change the way you think about this man.