[nurse1965]

My sister just told me the reason she avoids coming to visit me is because at family functions my husband has grabbed her behind on numerous occasions over several years. She said she has told him that it is inappropriate and he just stated he was kidding. My husband and I have what I thought was an awesome marriage. I often brag about how good I have it. Now I feel, disappointed and ashamed that my sister has gone through this. I must admit, I know my husband drinks heavy during family get togethers and wonder if he even remembers doing this behavior. Should I confront him?

[ChildOfGod_1]

Yes. Please do ask him about this. He might be doing it on purpose, or in his semi-conscious state. But whatever it is, it solves many a problem and frustration if you just ask him about it.

But please do take care about how you are going to do it! Don't confront him with an accusing tone - He might just burst. But please be mild and handle it gently cause, it is a pricky matter at hand.

Whatever his answer might be, please keep yourself cool. Please don't react in anger, as it will worsen things.

Take care. :)

[Just Dahlia]

You really need to ask him in a 'whats up with that' way.
He might think that it is normal. You know him best, so try to figure out how not to insult him and tell him to knock it off at the same time.

Everyone is different. I could find a way to tell, my Brother, Husband, Sister to stop it... without them knowing:)

[Gemini54]

You need to talk not confront. However, he needs to know that you're serious.

I would be absolutely mortified if my husband had been doing a similar thing to my sister for years - and I really feel for you. Continuing to do this to your sister, after she's asked him to stop, shows disrespect of the highest order, if it's true.

But, you need to get his side of the story as well. I suspect that if he's sober enough to say he's kidding to her, he's sober enough to remember.

I wish you well.

[s_cianci]

I would definitely confront him about it. He'll probably deny it but at least he'll know that you're aware of it. That right there might motivate him to stop. If he does deny it and you really want to clear the air, have your sister come over without telling him in advance and then have her confront him in your presence.

[Catsmine]

Looks like you've gotten your answer. I agree that the subject needs discussion. He may be at fault or he may not. Misperception, manipulation, or hound-dogging could be what happened, or a combination.

Talk, yes.
Accuse, no.
Let him accuse your sister, no.

Once you have his side, the two of you can bring the subject up with your sister.

[Jake2008]

I find this strange.

Why wouldn't your sister have said something years ago, or maybe the 10th time it happened or the 50th time.

When she avoids family functions because of him, what is she saying to family members who ask. Does everybody else know about this but you?

I can't imagine allowing someone to innapropriately grab my butt, more than once. If a 'not appropriate don't do it' didn't stop him, why subject yourself to knowing that after several times, it's going to continue to happen. Something should have been done or said, at sometime during all those years.

While I would certainly bring it up with my husband, I would also question that if it were THAT serious to your sister, that she should have taken care of her own business years ago, and spoken up sooner. If your sister has gone through this numerous times over several years, she needs to also be held accountable.

Your husband is not the only one to be held accountable for his actions, or lack of.

[redhed35]

I would be outraged,hurt,feel totally disrespected,I would be going balistic!

And I would be meeting him at the front door,and I certaintly would not have his slippers on hand and a 'honey we need to talk'attitude...

But that's just me.

But to be honest,there comes a time in everyone's life and in every relationship when anger,and you have justified anger when the gloves come off..

Your husband needs to know and in no uncertain terms he had crossed a line and the short sharp shock of his wife's anger and hurt should be enough for him to remember the next time.

Your most likely the last to know of this... how does that feel?

In saying all that,you know your husband and sister best,this post is just one opinion.