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philly0312 · Nov 4, 2009, 05:44 PM

Hi guys !

I had been dating this girl for 2 years and 4 months. She just officially broke up with me on last Friday (Oct- 30th). Before breaking up with me, on Wednesday ( Oct - 28th) she said: " i will really live the life without you and i thinnk i will really know what i really want, if i really love you... i will go back to u , cause now i dun really know my feeling..... ". After saying that I was so dumb by asking her to come back to me, plea her, begging her... then she ignored my phone for completely 1 day. Then the next day, I messaged her and asked can we meet up tonight in front of her apt, she said yes , but actually it was a lie to make me feel better. I kept waiting unitl 2 am, and I couldn't wait anymore so I kept on calling her. She got pissed and said she wants a break up. I was so shocked, kept on crying and panic, then I ran to her house, called her and she said she promise that she will see me tomorrow to talk about our relationship, and told me to leave right away. After I left, I went back home , kept on crying and my friends were around with me to make me feel better. The nextday, I felt better a bit and accepted the broke up. I went to her house, gave her back the stuff, huged her, kissed her, held her hands, she was crying a lot... She said she doesn't know what does she really wants. After that, she got changed and I walked wit her to school, she kept on crying... we were holding hands, walking. Later on after the break up ,I found out the what did I do wrong is : I didn't give her space at all, jealous when she hanged out with guys friends, checked her phone sometime, stay with her all the time, when ever she needed me I'm always there, I kinda available for her all the time ...... I did the NC rule for like almost a week now, she haven't call me yet. Today, I talked with her sister, heR sister told me that she wants to know more friends, then I told her sister that I can change AND I can giver her some space if we come back. But then my gf's sister said : " She doesn't want you to change for her, she want YOU ARE YOU". My girlfriend is kind of independence girl, but she also really need me to be with her, so it's confused me sometime.

MY girlfriend still have a strong feeling for me, because today her sister told me that she doing OK after the first days of the break up but she doesn't seem happy until now, she just seem OK. Moreover, wherever my girlfriend goes with her sister, she told her sister that she have lots of memories with me at this, and that place where we used to hang out together.

So what do you guys think ? NC actually will work in my case or not? Will my GF easy to move on and adapt the new life without me ? Will she easy to forget me ? I'm sorry but this is my First LOVE and I still have a REALLY STRONG LOVE FOR HER. I'M SO REGRET BUT IT'S Kind of TOO LATE. YEAH! DO U GUYS THINK I'M DEPENDING ON HER TOO MUCH ? AND If I can change my life style to a confidence and better guy, will she come back to me ? May be my hope is just too over, I really don't know!!

P/S she and I are Junior in College right now, we both 21 :(!!

ITstudent2006 · Nov 4, 2009, 06:14 PM

Ok I am no expert in this area but let me tell you something. I broke up with my fiancé after 5 years of dating. My reasoning was similar to that of your GF's. Not the whole jealousy and to clingy part though. I told my fiancé that I have come to a point in my life where I started questioing everything I had and where I was going. I told her (after the break-up) that I will continue living my life and see where it takes me. If we are meant to be together then one day we will be.

I have a feeling that your girlfriend simply changed. People do that, people in High School are different than they are a few years later. They mature, they tend to view the world differently (because they usually get there first job, move out etc... )

I would continue doing the NC because bugging her and pressuring her will not accomplish anything positive. To be honest I wouldn't beat myself up over this either because there is a great chance that you will not be with her anymore and you need to be prepared to accept that. I wish you the best of luck!

Rick

talaniman · Nov 4, 2009, 06:25 PM

Get a life that you enjoy without her and you won't have to depend on her to be happy. Leave her alone, and when you heal, you will be free to pursue other options and opportunities that will present themselves.

ITstudent2006 · Nov 4, 2009, 06:44 PM

For future reference. I noticed that you said that you are jealous, clingy, and too in-your-face for your current ex. Learning to trust your partner is vital in a healthy relationship.

A lot of people have trust issues for various reasons (myself included) and it takes its toll on a relationship (believe me)

Now I am not saying to trust every person you come across because sticking your neck out that far is surely asking to get hurt. But consider letting go when you find that person that makes you feel special. Being the jealous b/f is no fun (again... believe me) it can keep you up late and your mind ticks like 1000mph. Being in a relationship asks you to open-up and let go. There are times you will be hurt but without letting go there's no way to tell how far a relationship will or will not go. I am sure with age and maturity you will learn all this and you will do what's best for you.

I just wanted to share a little for any future relationships you may find yourself in.

Rick

philly0312 · Nov 4, 2009, 07:45 PM

Thanks ITstudent2006 and talaniman,

Yeah ! I was hoping that she will be jealous and come back to me if I move on before her and blah blah blah ideas... but I dun think it's really going to work thought !

But the think is we r going to the same school, my, same parties, there are going to be chances that I will meet her again!! WHAT should I do, when I see her ? Should I just avoid wherever she goes, acting normal when I see her, acting happy or just completely ignore ? I'm totally depressed right now, I couldn't sleep, and lost my taste of appetitie for like 4 days already.

I prefer taking PHISYCAL PAIN instead of THIS !

amicon · Nov 5, 2009, 01:01 AM

The pain you are feeling now is normal when you 've just come out of a relationship. It will pass with time.
Keep as busy as you can and make sure you get plenty of exercise and that you stick to a healthy diet.
See friends and family and make plans to do things you enjoy every day.
When you bump in to the ex a short polite hi-then walk away.

Ithappenstoall · Nov 5, 2009, 01:25 AM

I agree with Amicon, we mature about the whole thing if you run into her , be polite say hello, how are you and walk away. Whatever you do do not avoid her if she you both have noticed each other, this would be very childish

philly0312 · Nov 5, 2009, 12:04 PM

Well, I just talked with some girls who aremy friends, they all said... She will come back, but I have to stay no contact with her, maybe 2 weeks, 3 weeks, or a month later she will contact me. I'm so confused now!! I really love this girl, and I know she still have feeling to me. SO CONFUSED !

Cat1864 · Nov 5, 2009, 02:18 PM

Don't put a deadline on the No Contact. It doesn't matter what friends say about what she will or won't do. They don't know and, as you have found out, it only adds to the confusion you are feeling.

Keep yourself as busy as you can both mentally and physically, It will help take your mind off missing her. Some people find that working out or getting into a new hobby can help. Find something that helps even out the down points.

It won't be easy and you are going to hurt, but it will get easie with time IF you let it. You can't make her do anything. The best thing you can do is live your own life. Find what makes you happy and that you enjoy doing.

Having a life outside the relationship helps make you a stronger person in the relationship.

talaniman · Nov 5, 2009, 04:19 PM

NC is for you to get over the shock, and pain so you can make better decisions for yourself, based on facts and not just feelings.

Not as a means to wait for her to come back. But as a means to get beyond the confusion your feelings of loss have put you in.

Leave her alone YES, Wait for her to change her mind, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

ITstudent2006 · Nov 5, 2009, 04:43 PM

Let me give you some advice. There is a good chance they told you that she is coming back just because they didn't want to be the ones to tell you it's over. You seem to be very clingy and to be honest I would be scared to tell you its over as well.

I mean hope for the best but expect and prepare for the worst.

Good Luck

Rick

Ithappenstoall · Nov 6, 2009, 03:23 AM

another thing that comes to mind, if you are checking her phone sometimes= don't really trust her, you have doubts about something and this adds to paranoia... this is a big NO NO . Don't do that.

philly0312 · Nov 7, 2009, 04:32 PM

Hi guys ! I kind of confused and kind of jealous but I don't know whether is this the right feeling or not.

My girlfriend said she wants to live in life which she can go out, have fun with her friends ( night club) , and interact with guys. What is that mean when girls interact with guys ? Flirting ? Touching ? I really don't get it. Is this normal if I am jealous about this or I am being selfish ? Or she is doing the right thing which is living as what she likes. Very confused, please HELP ! :mad:

jaime90 · Nov 7, 2009, 09:20 PM

It's okay for you to be jealous when your girlfriend wants to go out and "interact" with other guys. Since you're uncomfortable about this you should probably ask her what she means by "interaction." It could mean to her just being friends (still, hanging out with guys without you around... I'd still be jealous.) You're not holding her back- it's just not right for a girl who is dating to be running around with other guys wanting "interaction."
Since she has specified a night club scene- I would assume she means a little more than just being friends with guys, or being around guys, but I would ask her so you know for sure what she means.

Jake2008 · Nov 7, 2009, 11:12 PM

My girlfriend said she wants to live in life which she can go out, have fun with her friends ( night club) , and interact with guys

What that means is, she wants to live a single life. That much is obvious I think.

She should be going out to clubs, having fun with you, not without you. And, she shouldn't be interacting with other guys.

philly0312 · Nov 8, 2009, 10:02 PM

Hi guys !

I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years and 4 months. It's been a week of NC, so right now I decided to write her an email, not for pleading , begging or something. I just want to appriciate for what I've learn over this break up like: I know why girls need space ( I never know this and experience this before I dated this girl, I rejected to give her space and time while we were dating), and appriciate for loving me over the past 2 years , blah blah blah... Do you guys think it is a good idea or just make it worse if I'm doing NC rule now ? Again, this is not for asking her to come back, just to appriciate to her love for me and what've learn. Please give me your opinions, I really appriciate it ! Thank you !

supermannnnnn · Nov 8, 2009, 10:28 PM

DO NOT... I REPEAT DO NOT SEND THAT EMAIL!

You will have RESET that whole last week of pain you just went through.

Check this out. There are 2 roads that will INEVITABLY happen.

1) She realizes she loves you and comes back

2) She never loved you and leaves you for another guy.

Either way , you will have to apply NC to the fullest.

Listen to this advice as to what to do.

*** This is like fishing. You pull the line and the fish PULLS AWAY. You let the line loose and the fish swims TOWARDS YOU. ***

*** If you don't want her back , then jjust apply no contact FOREVER.

***If you want her back you must do the following. ( Before you try this, there are 2 possible outcomes.

A) If she REALLY, TRULY, loved you, she will come back.
B) If she didn't really love you, or found another man better than you, she is gone forever.

Either way you have NO CONTROL over her actions. You canNOT force anything on her.

Here's how to win her back.

1) You must STILL APPLY NC. Ignore all her calls, emails, text, Facebook, myspace, everything!! Make her miss you. Make her want you! Make her see how lame her life is without you. ( This is why I said, if she really loved you, she will call you sooner or later. BUT YOU MUST NOT PICK UP! ) ( If she never loved you, she won't call you and its time to move on )

2) BETTER YOURSELF AS A MAN! ACT LIKE A REAL MAN! Learn how to dance, how to cook, buy new clothes, learn new skills, get a haircutt, WORKOUT, WORKOUT, WORKOUT, sweat, do anything to BETTER YOUF INNER SELF. Workout as much as you HURT.

3) After doing the above 2 things, you will have done 2 things.

A) bettered yourself which is always good for confidence and good for attracting the your NEXT girlfriend.

B) Turned the tables on her. You will have played your cards right and made her want you! Then it'll be YOUR CHOICE if you want her back or not. Before taking her back, make sure she's showing you THROUGH ACTIONS, that your what she wants.

GOOD LUCK!

amicon · Nov 8, 2009, 10:29 PM

Hello Philly-no its not a good idea because you d be breaking your NC.
NC is for you to heal from the breakup and if and when you break it you risk going back to square one and having to restart the process.
Maybe you could start a journal and write down your thoughts just for yourself?

bjohnrupp · Nov 8, 2009, 10:47 PM

Hey Philly- did she break up with you? DO NOT SEND the email... it will do absolutely no good. She most likely won't respond and you'll get even more upset.

rockie100 · Nov 8, 2009, 11:06 PM

I truly regret sending a letter that I just Had To Write. My advice is that you at least give it some time before you do... If I had, I could have saved myself some added stress and hurt. It accomplished nothing except crush me even further. Its not bad that you wrote it. That can be theraputic. Try this... don't look at it for a week or so, then reread it. It will sound so wrong, so not how you feel at the time. Check it out.