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sully123 · Nov 9, 2009, 02:42 PM

I am sorry, that is a long time to spend with someone. But I would NC her, she thinks by calling you it will be OK, and then she can go on her merry way. She probably knows your hurting by you letting her no that. I would act the complete opposite it was her choice and this is what she wanted, and you respect her for that. Let time go by for awhile, you showing her you are moving on. It will either show her she still loves you, or she is looking elsewhere. IT will be hard to stay strong but his what you need to do right now.

sully123 · Nov 9, 2009, 02:43 PM

I also agree with supermannnn on this one!

boblawblaw · Nov 9, 2009, 02:47 PM

Agreed but she's calling me maybe there is no chance at all at getting back together maybe there is but I feel no contact is def making sure there isn't a chance its basically saying leave me a alone so I can get over you and move on with my life with out you seems cold as hell that call really messed me up

supermannnnnn · Nov 9, 2009, 02:52 PM

Sighh... You don't listen to good advise.

I know you want her back. And maybe in the near future , that could happen. But right now, the problem is , she wants to break up!.

And you feel that no contact is DEFINITELY making sure there is not a chance.

But your wrong.

No contact does many things.

It gives you time to heal...

It gives you time to think...

It gives you time to better yourself...

It makes you let the fishing line loose...

It gives her time to MISS YOU...

It give her time to WANT YOU...

It gives her time to see how life is without you...

It does many things...

boblawblaw · Nov 9, 2009, 03:02 PM

Thanks for the advice much appreciated

supermannnnnn · Nov 9, 2009, 04:24 PM

That's what were here for.

boblawblaw · Nov 16, 2009, 07:42 AM

I guess I really don't listen to good advice went out to the club (her suggestion) with the ex and some friends had a blast ended up staying at her place on the couch we both ended up passing out on the couch never did anything I guess at some point she woke up in middle of night was like am I doing and went to bed I woke up hungover as hell and confused I am back in the friendzone not sure if its good or bad because the advice I got her saying am I going to be her friend when she has a new boyfriend makes sense to me that would probably kill me NC is so hard she called last night to make sure I made it in all right as traveled back home said for me to call her sometime this week what a mess

boblawblaw · Nov 19, 2009, 05:50 PM

Thanks everyone for all the advice much appreciation have been thinking and realized I will only grow and learn from this experience as I did not need her in my life nor was she my life however I did want her in my life and did want her to be a part of my life. I strongly believe for any relationship to work one must love and be happy with oneself and be happy alone so you can share that with a partner and not depend on someone for happiness or a sense of worth/identity life is short you have to live it to the fullest and experience it try new things say yes when you would normally say no strive to learn every day a day without learning at least one thing is a waste grow don't let excuses or fear stop you from doing anything trust and believe in yourself. Its easy to let emotions get the best of us especially when going through a break up due to the fact there a just so many pain hate rejection sadness maybe even happiness briefly if you have false hope or she calls. Life is hard but always try to smile and keep your head up

amicon · Nov 19, 2009, 10:38 PM

Great insights Bob, keep going and take care.

Wondergirl · Nov 20, 2009, 08:42 AM

Originally Posted by boblawblaw

thanks everyone for all the advice much appreciation have been thinking and realized i will only grow and learn from this experience as i did not need her in my life nor was she my life however i did want her in my life and did want her to be a part of my life. i strongly believe for any relationship to work one must love and be happy with oneself and be happy alone so you can share that with a partner and not depend on someone for happiness or a sense of worth/identity life is short you have to live it to the fullest and experience it try new things say yes when you would normally say no strive to learn each and every day a day without learning at least one thing is a waste grow don't let excuses or fear stop you from doing anything trust and believe in yourself. its easy to let emotions get the best of us especially when going through a break up due to the fact there a just so many pain hate rejection sadness maybe even happiness briefly if you have false hope or she calls. life is hard but always try to smile and keep your head up

Good advice! (and I plan to give you punctuation marks and a few capital letters for Christmas this year)

boblawblaw · Nov 20, 2009, 09:41 AM

Lol thank you

boblawblaw · Jul 9, 2010, 08:36 AM

Hey I posted on here aabout 7 months ago as I had a break up with a girl I was with for 8 years since then I have been doing really well never went nc but semi moved on and didn't think about my ex or worry about her every single day. Last week something changed I called on Wednesday after I haven't talked to her in about two weeks we chatted for a min then said she had to go and for me to call her later I said sure ill try but I was going out for supper and might be back late we hung up she called back about three minutes later said sorry she hadto go and gave me a reason and to call her later I thaught that was weird we just talked she sad she had to go but anyway I didn't call she called that night at midnight I didn't answer was half asleep then she called first thing in the morning at 8 am I wasn't home sshe then called me Friday saying she missed me and also on Monday saying she wanted to call me on Sunday to stay the night . I just don't get it its like every time I get moving on she pulls me back but then it seems like she doesn't want to be with me its like it's a unintentional head game I don't call she calls me all the time if I call she doesn't seem interested its confusing the hell out of me any advice as to what to do or say would be appreciated thanks... sorry for the novel

talaniman · Jul 9, 2010, 09:10 AM

She doesn't want to be with you, just available for her when she needs an emotional tampon.

Its really up to you whether you want to play this role with her and be dragged back into the same old thing, that she has gotten comfortable with. That's exactly why we recommended NC from the beginning, so you wouldn't stay confused by her, or available for her when she has the time, or need.

vanheart · Jul 9, 2010, 09:58 PM

See? You were doing well, starting Nc, then she reeled you back in & you caved.

I guess she wanted to show you what she wants.
To move one, try & keep you as a pal, then whatever...

Get the picture?

Time for really investing in NC. The only way here.

When we get dumped, we realize not to waste another second on that person. How much time do you want to waste?

Its all up to you.

boblawblaw · May 30, 2011, 05:07 PM

I guess it was a year and a half that I wanted to waste in rereading this it was really good advice I wish I would have listened in the start.

talaniman · May 30, 2011, 08:27 PM

What happened? We need an update.

boblawblaw · May 31, 2011, 07:04 AM

Well I tried to take every ones advice and go NC to heal, it would only last a few days then one of us would break it finally I gave up and remained in contact. In the last year and a half we remained in contact when we were together it was like we were together it was good although unhealthy for us both and all it did was make me keep false hope. Things were going good so a month ago I asked her if she wanted to give it another shot she said she wanted to remain how things were I said I don't want to waste anymore time if this is not going anywhere and I think nothing will change and we will be both in the same place 6 months from now, I gave her time to think about it and she still didn't know two days ago, so I said I guess this is it between us because whatever we have is not healthy she started crying said she wanted it more than anything but is confused and doesn't want to be pressured and that I wasn't pressuring her but she wanted to do it for the right reasons(which I understand it makes sense)and that we will finish the conversation last night. Well she wants a three month no contact break for both of us to think and that right now she feels there is still a connection that never broke and it may be the reason we are not together and that she sometimes feels like we are still together and that she includes me in her decisions still and feels like she has to let me know what she is up to and that I don't make her feel that way but she does for some reason still. Anyway three months of NC it is and one and a half year wasted I think it is for the best though I can finally move on. I believe she wants to take this time for both of us to get over each other so we can maintain some sort of friendship after three months. I invested too much time into this person that I believe doesn't feel the same way about me anymore sometimes things just don't work out no matter how much we want them to. Good advice all and I appreciate it, I wish I would have listened. Thanks again

talaniman · May 31, 2011, 08:10 AM

Thanks a lot my friend, for giving us a clear update. Sorry it didn't work out the way you want it to.

I do have some questions about this "undefined" year and a half relationship, which you don't have to answer, but here goes,

Were you seeing others of the opposite sex, or friends?

Was there never any talk about where this was headed in that year and half that things were seemingly going so good?

Finally, were you intimate, as in sex?

boblawblaw · May 31, 2011, 08:23 AM

I tried to see other people, I myself started seeing someone like four months after the split it only lasted two months as I didn't want to commit party because I thaught me and me ex would work things out and partly because I did not want her to find out I was in a relationship other than that I have been with one or two women but I always compare them to my ex and my heart just was not in it, as for her she was seeing someone she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and the guy got bored and moved on after a month or two so she says and I do believe that either that or he slept with her a few times and moved on whatever the case is. I was clear on my intentions of getting back together and she was aware of my intentions it was semi discussed but to tell you the truth we both were basically like lets just see where things go but I was hoping it would end up being together or trying to see if it could work and yes we were intimate.

talaniman · May 31, 2011, 04:42 PM

Thanks, I just wanted to know what the whole story was and am sure others will find it enlightening.

How have you been coping?