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Lovelee · Apr 30, 2009, 07:40 PM

Well I'm hoping that I don't have to take extreme measures you guys mentioned like taking him to court. I just wouldn't lend him any more money. He called me a little while ago and there was no mention of money.

makapuu · Apr 30, 2009, 08:45 PM

I think there could be several reasons your boyfriend brings up your past relationships but I think the main one is his maturity level. He could be very insecure about your relationship so he is "testing" you. He wants to see your reaction when he mentions your past relationships---Will you say, "No honey, I love you more than all those guys put together because you're the greatest, and I don't know why we even argue because you are always right..." or will you say, "Why the heck did I break up with that other guy, cause you are more of a pain than he ever was."

Unless you are comfortable dealing with his behavior, I'd say leave him. A loving relationship should not resolve problems by verbal attacks about one person's past.

Romefalls19 · May 1, 2009, 07:17 AM

Communicate exactly what you told us, or better yet. Tell him to read your post, without him knowing you wrote it and ask him what he thinks you should respond to this person with. Watch as he reads the post and gives a response and then tell him that it's about him.

liz28 · May 1, 2009, 07:34 AM

Lovelee you stating he have trust issues so this is the problem. However, when someone have this problem there is nothing you can do to change it. It has to change it.

My question to you is "why are the two you aruging so much?" Agruing doesn't solve anything and only leads to you saying things out of anger because of that heated moment.

In order for your relationship to make you must be able to talk to each other in a calm, open, civil matter. Remember it takes two to agrued and I pretty sure he wouldn't enjoy agruing with himself.

Also, for the relationship to move forward he better work on his issues because personally I can't date someone with insecurities.

Hei shouldn't be focusing so much on your past relationship but should only focus on the two of you.

Lovelee · Sep 21, 2009, 06:48 AM

I am at my witts end here. The last time I heard from my boyfriend was Saturday around 6:45 p.m. I have been calling him all day yesterday which was Sunday and his phone just kept ringing, he didn't try to reach me either and I'm worried. This is not like him to not call me everyday or not accept my calls. My home phone isn't working but my cell phone sure is and this is just very upsetting. This morning before I came to work I drove by his apartment and asked his landlord if he's seen him for the morning, he said no and told me I can knock on the door but since I was running late for work already I couldn't.
At this point I would rather he be with another woman then to find out he got in an accident or WORSE. I just don't know what to do.

I wish · Sep 21, 2009, 06:54 AM

I'm sorry that you haven't heard from him, but you have no idea where he is, so don't jump to any conclusions so quickly. If he has a habit of contacting daily, then I'm sure he will contact you as soon as you get a hold. The best thing for you to do is hold judgement before he gets a chance to explain himself.

If you are that worried, then I suggest that you contact his family or friends to see if they've heard from him.

Lovelee · Sep 21, 2009, 07:11 AM

His family lives very far from him and I don't want to call his mother to worry her, she already worries very easily and I haven't seen any of his friends.

I wish · Sep 21, 2009, 07:15 AM

If you don't want to bother anyone else, then you're just going to have to be patient. How was your last conversation? Was it an argument? You can always try to go by his place again after work.

Lovelee · Sep 21, 2009, 07:20 AM

Our last conversation was very good. He told me that he had just finished work and that his back was killing him. We both said I love you and hung up. His phone does give problems from time to time but he would have found a way to contact me. Since he is a five minute drive from my job I will go over to his apartment around lunch time since he works from home.
Thanks

Justwantfair · Sep 21, 2009, 07:27 AM

Unfortunately we don't have much other help we can offer, except patience. :)
Keep us posted.

Lovelee · Sep 21, 2009, 08:06 AM

UPDATE!!

Well he just called me!

He told me that he was home sick as a dog and in an angry tone asked me why I didn't knock on his door this morning when I passed by? He said if I was worried so much I would have called his friends or come to his place, just like you mentioned I wish. He said his cell phone dropped into his friend's car and even he tried calling it but his friend refused to answer his calls. I'm glad he's all right but I just don't understand his anger.

I wish · Sep 21, 2009, 08:13 AM

He's just really sick, so it's really fustrating. So he might be taking out some of his fustration on you. Don't let it get to you too much. Furthermore, it feels like you didn't care, because it looks like you weren't putting much effort (because you didn't contact his friends/family, nor did you knock on his door). Instead, you even suggested to us that you rather he be sleeping with someone else. That's why I warned you not to jump to conclusions until he can explain himself.

It's just a huge misunderstanding. Just go see him the first chance you get and let him know that you were worried sick too, but you didn't want to worry his mom or that you haven't seen his friends. And that next time this happens, you will knock on his door for sure. And then just take care of him as he's sick.

Just don't get sick yourself, cause you need to go to work.

Lovelee · Oct 29, 2009, 01:16 PM

Lately we are having some issues and just when I think things are getting better they get bad again.
My boyfriend lives in a fantasy world. He would swear that our relationship is the best thing in the world but it is not. He says he is so in love with me yet I don't feel it so much lately. Sure he loves me but I can't believe he doesn't see our problems.
Major Problem No. 1, "Money"- I felt that I have been supporting him for these past few months. He is self-employed and says that business has been very slow and he struggles to pay his bills. A couple weeks ago he got very sick and the doctor ordered him to take three days off work. Now that's like plunging a stake through his heart. He said it would cost him 3 days pay which is about 600 dollars, then told me he will work anyway. So I begged him not to then told him I would pay him for the missed days, (stupid me I know). But I was concerned about his health and didn't want to make it worse, so he hesitated then took the money. My boyfriend made a bad business investment some months back and has barely been able to keep his head above water. He is in deep debt and expects me to bail him out every time. I'm tired of it! I really wish he didn't know my salary. I have expenses too and my rent is literally twice as high as his! Nevertheless he still gives me his sob stories and because of my giving nature I he knows that I have a problem saying no. He promises to pay me back but I haven't seen a penny of it!

Major Problem No. 2, "Trust"- These days he has been doing some questionable things like not answering his phone or rushing me off it. I think he may be cheating. Of course he swears up and down that he wouldn't do that to me but why is he so secretive lately? We don't live together and I feel like sometimes when he says he is working he is not. When I was over by his house his cell phone rang and he wouldn't answer it. So I said; "aren't you going to answer your phone"? Then he says its business and it can wait because he wants to spend time with me without interruption. Mind you, my boyfriend never refuses work if it means money for him. I let it slide. I tried to break up with him a couple days ago ane he flat out refused to let me go. Telling me that I am paranoid and that it will devestate him if I left and he'll never find another woman like me. But these issues we're having is crushing me. I have stress, pains, and headaches over this man and he is driving me crazy! I tell him he has to do better or I will leave, but he continues to do the same thing. I told him if he loved me he would let me go. He says the opposite. "If he loves me there's no way he will let me go." If things don't change for the better he may very well be history.

amicon · Oct 29, 2009, 01:36 PM

Is this the guy from your previous threads? If so there are trust issues and a severe lack of real communication .
He can tell you 24/7 that he loves you,but his actions speak a different language. I d say leave him and let him fend for himself.

kappachino · Oct 29, 2009, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by amicon

Is this the guy from your previous threads? If so there are trust issues and a severe lack of real communication .
He can tell you 24/7 that he loves you,but his actions speak a different language. I d say leave him and let him fend for himself.

Totally agree :)

talaniman · Oct 29, 2009, 04:37 PM

When I merged all your threads, it started to be apparent that you have been going through the same things over and over for more than a tear and have had no resolutions that work for you. At some point, enough is enough. Given the bad and no good things written about him, I would be long gone. Reread this whole thing and tell me why your still there.