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talaniman · Feb 12, 2009, 03:53 AM

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Sorry, but this one should tell the whole story.

Romefalls19 · Feb 12, 2009, 06:11 AM

He needs to fix himself, he has a lot of problems that only counseling can fix. Either he goes to counseling and admits he has a problem or you need to leave.

slapshot_oi · Feb 12, 2009, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by Lovelee

Can an insecure person ever change? Or do I need to stop going out to please him?

Unreal, you'd put your own life on hold for this chump? People do change but it takes a long time (like a decade) and it's impossible while in a relationship. He needs to be on his own to see who he really is. You can't fix him.

He sounds like he's afraid to be alone.

Don't stick around with a guy like this, you will lose your friends, and for what? Not worth it.

Some1HelpPlz · Feb 12, 2009, 11:11 AM

I was wondering, Is there a reason that he wasn't invited to the SB Party & to play Pool? His insecurities are obvious, but it really seems that he may just want a bigger role in your relationship without being able to tell you.

Just my 2 cents, take care & good luck.

Romefalls19 · Feb 12, 2009, 11:14 AM

He was invited to come play pool, he chose not to go.

Justwantfair · Feb 12, 2009, 11:32 AM

Not to place blame, because HE is definitely the one with the problem, but was there a reason for not inviting him to the Superbowl Party? How long have you been dating? When you invited him to pool was it not after the Superbowl Party and only after he was upset again about being neglected?

The problem is definitely his but depending on how long you have been dating it is probably difficult to be secure when you aren't introducing him to any of your friends when you can tell that it hurts him and makes him insecure. You should never stop your life for a man, but you should include him in it. Once he goes out with you a few times he probably would stop being so insecure about what you do when he is not with you.

Once again I repeat this is not your problem it is HIS.

Lovelee · Feb 14, 2009, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Not to place blame, because HE is definately the one with the problem, but was there a reason for not inviting him to the Superbowl Party? How long have you been dating? When you invited him to pool was it not after the Superbowl Party and only after he was upset again about being neglected?

The problem is definately his but depending on how long you have been dating it is probably difficult to be secure when you aren't introducing him to any of your friends when you can tell that it hurts him and makes him insecure. You should never stop your life for a man, but you should include him in it. Once he goes out with you a few times he probably would stop being so insecure about what you do when he is not with you.

Once again I repeat this is not your problem it is HIS.

We've been together for about 16 months.
I didn't invite him to the superbowl party because when I called him he was a little annoyed as I had interrupted him from his sleep so I told him I was going out then all of a sudden he tells me that he was going to invite me over by him and got angry when I told him that I wasn't coming. Then he went on saying that I would rather be with friends then with him which is not true at all. I would like to go out with him more but he would prefer to stay home. I like being home myself but every once in a while I would like to enjoy a nice night out.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 14, 2009, 06:39 PM

I was wondering why he was not invited too. When you intrupted him from his sleep, was it late at night when you called him to invite him to the party? Then I could understand why he may have been upset, but then why were you upset?
Sounds to me like you two are just not a match. It maybe time to say good bye.

Lovelee · Apr 30, 2009, 01:10 PM

So here's the story:

My boyfriend just asked to borrow $350 dollars until he can get the money back in a week (or so he claims). The problem is he owes me a lot of money in which he hasn't paid back yet. Several months ago I lent him $1200 dollars because he was going through real tough financial issues. He told me at the time that I will get it back in a month of course I didn't get it. Then about one month ago he asked for $400 dollars and I gave it to him willingly, he told me that I would get it back a few days later and again he didn't pay me back. Now today we had the audacity to call again with a sob story saying how he needs the money badly.
THe Problem - I was recently unemployed for two and a half months in which I had to struggle to keep up with expenses and I'm finally getting my finances in order with this new job.

The boyfriend is not the only problem however, a friend of mine who has been unemployed for months asked to lend $500 dollars from me, I couldn't give it to him unfortunetly. If I have to calculate the amount of money each individual owes me I'd be very rich!

My boyfriend is taking advantage and its making me angry. He expects the money today, what the heck do I tell him without causing problems in our relationship?

mudweiser · Apr 30, 2009, 01:24 PM

Don't give him any more money.

It does sound like he's taking advantage of you.

You need to talk to him about this! If he gets angry over this well then he's not a good boyfriend! You are unemployed and need to take care of your OWN bills-- if he gets upset he is obviously using you!

Sarah

I wish · Apr 30, 2009, 01:39 PM

You have to stop giving him money. If he hasn't given you back any money, it's because you haven't started chasing him for it yet. If you started chasing him to get back some money, he wouldn't keep asking you.

I can't believe how fast he spends his money. You really need to talk this over with him. Doesn't he have a job?

artlady · Apr 30, 2009, 01:41 PM

Tell him you simply can't ,that he is a poor risk and if he needs money ,so do you.
You are trying to pay your own bills.I assume you have to work for that money as well.

You don't have a tree in the back that grows it.

If he gets mad ,then he is a very ungrateful and thoughtless boyfriend.

I am very opposed to money borrowing and I would rather go hungry than borrow.I will lend,but not to the degree that you have.Your just GIVING it away.
Just say NO.I know it comes hard for some people but this guy is bleeding you.

Romefalls19 · Apr 30, 2009, 02:23 PM

Tell him that you are behind on your expenses and that he is a poor investment. If you have to, put it into stock explanation.

liz28 · Apr 30, 2009, 02:33 PM

Just say "no".

Then I would asked him about the other money he owes me.

Stop lending out your hard earned money especially to someone that doesn't pay you back.

People will only take of you if YOU allow then to. Then it won't stop until you put your foot down. Time to put your foot down.

If your boyfriend gets mad then it time for a new one. To be honesty you shouldn't gave him anymore money after he didn't pay you back the first time.

You isn't his sugar mommy even though you gave him that impression a little.

Lovelee · Apr 30, 2009, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

You have to stop giving him money. If he hasn't given you back any money, it's because you haven't started chasing him for it yet. If you started chasing him to get back some money, he wouldn't keep asking you.

I can't believe how fast he spends his money. You really need to talk this over with him. Doesn't he have a job?

He is self-employed and although business is good he says many of his clients aren't paying him fast enough and now he can't pay his rent. I have rent due too and I pay twice as much as he does! When I was unemployed he would give me a little money but it was a far cry from what he owed me. I don't like lending money or taking money from other people. Things were so bad that my mother insisted that I take money from her but I felt so guilty taking it even though she's a bank manager and makes a lot of money! I have a problem saying no to people and I also have a problem asking for the money back. But this time I wouldn't give him anymore money, the bank is closed!

liz28 · Apr 30, 2009, 03:38 PM

Lovelee don't be afraid of the word "no". Practice saying it and learn to say it to people. Your nobody pushover.

talaniman · Apr 30, 2009, 03:40 PM

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With the problems you have had with this fellow, breaking up would save you a bunch of money. Matter of fact it would be a better deal to pay him to leave you alone.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 30, 2009, 06:18 PM

Time to say no, or at least if you decide to, you make him sign a loan paper for all the money he owes you. Setting up reguar pay plans, then if he does not pay you, you can sue him in court.

Fuzzball_Kara · Apr 30, 2009, 06:21 PM

Definitely stop lending out money. You don't need both of you to end up poor.

Don't lend money unless you don't care about getting paid back.

You have to support yourself and you can't keep giving him money. Tell him to start paying you back as well. If he really wants to stop having so many money problems, he needs to stop digging a deeper hole.

liz28 · Apr 30, 2009, 06:27 PM

I think I got his game. Your mother is a banker so tha's why he knows that no matter what your able to at least get money from her. Hmmm.

Then you turn around and make excuses for his asking you for money. Hmmm.

I don't know what your really going do but I hope you don't give him your money.

And make him sign a note recongizing the money you give in the past as a loan not a gift in case you do have to take him to court. So there won't be any dispute regarding the money or any denial.