[falon]

Over the past 3 months my boyfriend of a year and a half has stopped having sex with me, it was only 4 weeks ago that he told me why he wasn't, before that when I asked him why, he would either say he was tired or he would just say we would have sex soon. He has now told me its because I have gain weight, I have only gain 15 to 20 pounds since we have been dating, were he has gained at least double what I have, why is it that I'm still fully attracted to him but he no longer is to me?:confused: and he as changed it a couple times, last time I asked me said he was attracted to who I was just not my body, I feel so gross when I'm around him and so betraded. I just lost 10 pounds and hoped that that would help a little but when I told him he said good job with little enthusiasm and that was it and the same night I walked in on him masterbating :(what am I doing wrong here?

[redhed35]

Your with a man who is insensitive and who has the nerve to point out that you gained weight but his weight gain is OK!

I would give this guy a reality check, either respect and support you,start working on the problems or he will find a cold bed and you gone out the door,looking fab!

He might take a different view when your willing to walk away.

Talk to him,let him know your hurt,by what he has said.

He may be willing to work out with you,and be more active together.

[Cat1864]

I wonder how much his own weight gain is affecting his libido and satisfaction, but he is blaming you. In a way, it sounds like (maybe subconsciously) that instead of dealing with his own insecurities, he is redirecting those feelings to any 'flaws' he thinks he sees in you.

I agree with talking to him about your feelings and concerns. Just don't let him make you a scapegoat for his insecurities.

[falon]

You would think that talking to him would help but I have tried and he doesn't seem to care how much the comment hurt me and he says he doesn't really want to talk about it, could this be because he doesn't want to admit that he was a jerk? Is making me feel bad making him feel better? He is very subborn

Sorry I am very bad at spelling

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Leave. You are trying too hard for this man, he obviously doesn't appreciate your efforts or you. Leave. Find a REAL man that can support you in EVERY way! This guy is a waste of time.

[Cat1864]

How old are both of you?

Here's something I know you don't want to hear. Putting you down, using your weight as an excuse, not wanting to discuss it, losing weight but still getting the same comments, etc. are the beginnings of emotional abuse. Building himself up by tearing you down is not a healthy relationship. Don't let him make you the scapegoat for his insecurities.

My advice would be to get out or kick him out before it gets worse. You can do better than someone who wants to destroy your self-esteem. Your self-respect is worth more than he is.

[jmjoseph]

over the past 3 months my boyfriend of a year and a half has stopped having sex with me, it was only 4 weeks ago that he told me why he wasnt, before that when i asked him why, he would either say he was tired or he would just say we would have sex soon. he has now told me its because i have gain weight, i have only gain 15 to 20 pounds since we have been dating, were he has gained at least double what i have, why is it that im still fully attracted to him but he no longer is to me?:confused: and he as changed it a couple times, last time i asked me said he was attracted to who i was just not my body, i feel so gross when im around him and so betraded. i just lost 10 pounds and hoped that that would help alittle but when i told him he said good job with little enthusiasm and that was it and the same night i walked in on him masterbating :(what am i doing wrong here?

In my opinion, the only thing you are doing wrong is staying with someone who is so selfish and insensitive. HE can gain weight and YOU can't? That's not very fair is it?

You should do whatever it is that makes you happy. If you enjoy being the size you are, then stay that size.

Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy? Would he make a good father? If not, move on.

Never , ever, try to change yourself for someone else. Does he do things things that you don't like? Sure he does. Is he willing to change his behavior for you? Probably not.

True love in a relationship is unconditional. During a healthy relationship, people may gain, or lose, weight. The love and attraction stays there. This attitude he has tells you one thing, that he was only physically attracted to you. Find someone who will love the whole you, inside and out.

Don't let this guy ruin yourself esteem.

I wish you the best.

[Gemini54]

I don't think this is about your weight (or his for that matter).

This is about your relationship being in trouble. For whatever reason, he's finding excuses to belittle you because he's not attracted to you any more. He wants a way out so he's using your body as the excuse.

If he's no longer attracted to you after only a year and half then I'd suggest you need to reconsider whether you want to be in a relationship with him.

He's not only a jerk, he's also being dishonest with you.

[Alty]

Do you really want to stay with a man like him?

Do you want to have kids one day? Well, if you stay with this jerk, marry him, how do you think he's going to make you feel when you're pregnant, and after the child is born. Pregnancy changes your body forever.

If it was me, I'd leave this selfish jerk and find someone that actually deserves you. He can go find himself someone as insensitive as he is.

[smoothy]

Here is a question... why are you gaining that much weight... and why is he. 20 lbs is no small amount over a year and a half... and while 20 on a woman is almost 40 on a man that's still a LOT for him as well.

I think there are some other issues going on here... besides the weight gain issues. And the lifestyle choices if you are either packing on that sort of weight. Then there is the what's wrong with this relationship questions.

[SumBoogie]

I may be two months late for this response but I think you gaining weight was from being happy I know a lot of couples that have gained weight because they have been happy in the relationship and they get comfortable and they eat. Sucks but it happens... Im going through a similar situation now.. having gained 25 extra pounds over 3years.. not something Im proud of and Im losing it now... but your guy is being a jerk... has your situation gotten any better over these two months.. I wish you the best.. take care

[Dustin2239]

This one is simple if you ask me he's not worth your time he should love you inside and out no matter what you look like.

[Devorameira]

That's terrible. Don't put up with that crap. If you already have relationshipl problems, then he's just probably trying to find a cheap way to make you feel like less of a person and make you feel like it's your fault that you have a troubled relatioship. (Sorry, if I'm making assumptions.) If he really loved you, your weight wouldn't matter to him, unless it's health related, and that doesn't seem to be the case.

Next time he starts to criticize your weight tell him that he's just trying to blame you for problems that have NOTHING to do with your appearance. I'm sure you're a nice person and that's what counts. YOU ARE NOT FAT, HE'S JUST A JERK. Don't let him drag you down. Get rid of him before you lose your self-confidence. He's definitely not worth it.

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At the center of your being you have the answer; You know who you are and you know what you want. -Lao-tzu

[rxnarunner]

Eh leave him!!