[friend4u178]

Following a painful romantic break-up, some people enter into a new relationship almost immediately, often with less-than-stellar results.

Dating too soon after an emotionally charged break-up is known as a rebound relationship, and is almost always considered a bad idea for all parties involved.

A person in a rebound relationship may have great difficulty distinguishing between the old romantic partner and the new one, for instance.
Whenever a romantic relationship ends, whether amicably or painfully, both parties should allow themselves to go through a real grieving process before pursuing new relationships.

In essence, there has been a "death" of a valued relationship, and few people can recover from such an injury in only a few days or weeks.

While the prospect of dating someone new, especially someone who has been kept off-limits during the old relationship, may sound like a cure, a rebound relationship rarely, if ever, ends well.

Another problem with a rebound relationship is motivation. Some people who feel victimized or humiliated by a bad breakup may feel the need to start a new relationship simply to prove they are indeed over the old one.

Some rebound relationships are primarily directed at former partners, either in an effort to generate feelings of jealousy or to remind them of what they gave up. Neither tactic is a particularly healthy reason to pursue a rebound relationship, and the new partner is not always as understanding or conspiratorial as one might hope.

There are times when a person may feel he or she has fully recovered from a break-up and is truly prepared to re-enter the dating scene, but this may be a premature assessment. If a new relationship starts too soon after a painful break-up, the new partner may become little more than a sounding board for all of the negatives intended for the former partner. Constant comparisons to a former boyfriend or girlfriend can be a sign of an unhealthy rebound relationship, as well as the careful avoidance of almost all dating venues associated with the former relationship.

Because there will almost inevitably be a new relationship following the dissolution of an old one, it is important to recognize the difference between a new healthy relationship and an unhealthy rebound relationship. Much like a widow or widower, a spurned partner may want to establish a reasonable hiatus from dating until he or she is emotionally ready.

Personal counseling may also help prevent someone from entering into a shallow or unhealthy rebound relationship until his or her self-esteem has been fully restored.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to seek out companionship following a painful break-up, but you owe it to yourself and your new partner to make sure the new relationship is based in reality, not a ghost in the machine.




Source: wiseGEEK

[friend4u178]

I've actually posted this article I found on a few occasions when people enquire about Rebound Relationships so thought it would be a good idea to have it as a thread in case new people come on and search "Rebound"

Hope it helps some people understand the dynamics as I think it's a great article.

[amicon]

Have to spread rep but I agree with your posts. Not until we are completely over a past relationship and are happy with ourselves are we ready to meet a new partner.
We need time to heal before we get involved with someone new.

[LJDK]

Can someone get over their lost love in 7 days, if they despised the other one for a good 2 - 6 months, then finally broke it off?

[ZoeMarie]

Can someone get over their lost love in 7 days, if they despised the other one for a good 2 - 6 months, then finaly broke it off?

I don't think so, unless you were over the person before the relationship was over.

[I wish]

Here's a controversial observation that I'm going to bring up.

Though I agree that the person who recently broke up needs to recover before jumping into a new relationship. Sometimes, it's easier said than done. The feelings are flowing and when you're in the situation, you might feel: "why wait, the feelings are there, let's go"?

However, my controversial point is, whether the new person should have some responsibility in slowing down the relationship, so that it won't result in a rebound relationship. The person who broke up is in emotional turmoil. However, the new person should more objective about the situation and should take some (not full) responsibility in helping that person recover, instead of easing into a rebound relationship with that person.

Thoughts?

[ZoeMarie]

Here's a controversial observation that I'm going to bring up.

Though I agree that the person who recently broke up needs to recover before jumping into a new relationship. Sometimes, it's easier said than done. The feelings are flowing and when you're in the situation, you might feel: "why wait, the feelings are there, let's go"?

However, my controversial point is, whether the new person should have some responsibility in slowing down the relationship, so that it won't result in a rebound relationship. The person who broke up is in emotional turmoil. However, the new person should more objective about the situation and should take some (not full) responsibility in helping that person recover, instead of easing into a rebound relationship with that person.

Thoughts?

No one said it was easy though! Lol. I think you're right. It's hard to fight feelings when you get them, but if you know you're not ready, you need to start thinking with your head and not with your heart.

[LJDK]

It takes a lot of self control from both partners once feelings starts setting in.

In about 60 years I can comment on whether it can work out considering my fiancé just came out of relationship when we met. She told me we should take it slow, I knew we should take it slow... but hey, apart from all the dramas we have had, things are looking bright and shiny these days.

The trick was to accept things that cannot be changed. Who would have thought.

[friend4u178]

Here's a controversial observation that I'm going to bring up.

Though I agree that the person who recently broke up needs to recover before jumping into a new relationship. Sometimes, it's easier said than done. The feelings are flowing and when you're in the situation, you might feel: "why wait, the feelings are there, let's go"?

That's exactly what people do and how they get into Rebound Relationships , I actually think that a lot of people who get into them don't even know what a Rebound Relationship is until it's too late.

However, my controversial point is, whether the new person should have some responsibility in slowing down the relationship, so that it won't result in a rebound relationship. The person who broke up is in emotional turmoil. However, the new person should more objective about the situation and should take some (not full) responsibility in helping that person recover, instead of easing into a rebound relationship with that person.

Thoughts?

I see your point and agree both parties should be held accountable , however on a lot of occasions the other party may not know that the dumped person has just come out of a Relationship so they become an unsuspecting victim of the dumped persons emotional state.

[I wish]

Thats exactly what people do and how they get into Rebound Relationships , I actually think that alot of people who get into them don't even know what a Rebound Relationship is until it's too late.

I agree, that's the problem, the person who just broke up doesn't always think he/she is getting into a rebound relationship. But I think part of it is the fact that when you're in a relationship, you've built a dependence on another person. So once you cut ties with that person, you're looking to fill the void. I think in most cases, people are just afraid to be single.

I see your point and agree both parties should be held accountable , however on a lot of occasions the other party may not know that the dumped person has just come out of a Relationship so they become an unsuspecting victim of the dumped persons emotional state.

Yes, this is extremely unfair to the new person getting involved in the relationship. But what goes around comes around. The new person will eventually find out about the break up. It's too big of a secret to hide. At that point, the new person can decide whether he/she wants to continue the relationship due to the circumstances. In some cases, it could work out anyway. But in other cases, the relationship won't work out. But either way, the truth will and should eventually come out.

[heartonsleeve]

I am currently very aware of not letting myself get into a rebound relationship for most of the reasons stated above.
I have had a few guys show an interest, and they are lovely men, but something just hasn't felt right so far. Part of me really really wants something to happen with one of them, just so that I can hold my head high once again and say "see? Someone finds me attractive", but also because I am scared of being left on the shelf.

I have been in easy, long term relationships where I have been put on a pedestal, but I have always been the one to end those relationships. Then the one person I was actually crazy about, had a brilliant physical relationship with as well (something I didn't have with others), turns out to be a commitmentphobe and used me whilst starting to see someone else.
I don't know what I am looking for any more. Should I opt for the 'safe' option where I am 'worshipped'? Or shall I hold out for another 'bolt of lightning'? I am confused and feeling lonely and am not entirely sure what to do.

[QLP]

There's a saying where I live, 'If in doubt do nowt' - nowt being nothing. Give yourself more time to sort out your feelings.