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mellymo1983 · Aug 26, 2009, 10:28 PM

About a couple of weeks ago I went to go pick up my microwave and cart from where my ex boyfriend has been staying since we had broken up. After I came to pick up those items he sends me an email telling me that his new girlfriend is not okay with him talking to me and that if he was going to give what he had a chance with her he would need to put her wants first, and that I wasn't going to hear from him anymore until he pays me for what he owes me. Then about two days later he sends me a text message asking me for my input about whether I would want him to keep being a part of my life, and telling me how he has felt a bit responsible for how my life had been, and that it wasn't fair for him to be with someone else and be my friend. He had also said that he was afraid of me no longer being in his life and it would be hard for him to forget me, and how he can't seem to let me go. Then the next day he tries to instant message and I decline, then the following week he tries again and I decline a second time. This past weekend I went to my friend's bachlorette party and he calls me and tells me that he is in Wisconsin that's where his new girlfriend lives and he told me when he went to Starbucks all he could think about was me and that he wasn't over me as much as he had realized. He told me that he was an idiot and when he tried to go see her at her job she was avoiding him and he felt like she might have been using him. Then the next day the sent me a text message thanking me for listening to me and had mainly called so I could laugh at him. Ever since he had sent me that first email he has contacted me 5 times so far. What could all this mean?

N0help4u · Aug 26, 2009, 10:36 PM

It sounds like he is sending you a lot of mixed confused messages. It doesn't sound like he knows what he wants. Then you say he called so you could laugh at him so it sounds like he may not even want back.
IF you decide to give it another chance with him
First, remember WHY you broke up with him
Is it something you can over come or something that is going to be history repeating itself?
Second, make sure you have a long talk about ALL problems and get them ironed out before you agree to go back.
Third, don't be quick to jump back where you left off. Give it time like you are getting to know him all over again.

friend4u178 · Aug 26, 2009, 11:32 PM

It sounds to me like he's keeping you in the wings in case it doesn't work out with the new girl.

Mikis · Aug 27, 2009, 02:28 AM

In my opinion this guy feels afraid, vulnerable and unsafe. He really doesn't know what he wants. It seems clear that he likes you way more than his new girlfriend who he clearly doesn't trust and he definitely doesn't want to loose you. It looks like a classic case of regret. However, it is not clear weather this individual is actually being all sincere or he's just placing a safeguard as "friend4u178" mentioned. So I would have to agree with "NOhelp4u". If you're thinking about reviving your relationship with him be very careful. If there was something nasty he had done to make you break up remember a good saying which goes: If something happened once it may not happen again, if something happened twice it will most likely happen again''. Try to peace a detail picture of him again and decide whether he is trustworthy or not. But be cautious and prepared for an emergency "evacuation".
Good luck!

talaniman · Aug 27, 2009, 03:15 PM

He is trying to keep the door open, in case he wants to come back your way. Don't let him, by ignoring his texts, and delete them, as why let an ex cheat with you, when he has someone else now? And yes, it is cheating behind his new g/f's back isn't it.

clemintinelove · Aug 27, 2009, 03:34 PM

It sounds like he really loves you and really hasen't gotten over you.. he will find another excuse to talk to you soon.. I've done the same thing

mellymo1983 · Aug 27, 2009, 06:55 PM

Thank you everyone for all your advice but I had just found out today that he said that his visit wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Finding that out made me feel like an idiot

mellymo1983 · Aug 27, 2009, 10:20 PM

And made me feel sick to my stomach

mellymo1983 · Sep 11, 2009, 10:56 PM

About at least 2 weeks ago my ex boyfriend told me that he should leave me alone and not talk to me because his new girlfriend would not like that he keeps in touch with me. So a few days ago he comes back to work from being on medical leave and as he is walking by he looked at me in my work area from afar and some other times after he looks at me he walks with his head down--what could this type of body language be saying? I am interested because I am a psychology major and would like to understand people better.

britEl · Sep 11, 2009, 11:06 PM

I don't think because he is looking at you that it indicates he is interested in you. Maybe he is looking at you out of curiosity to see how you are doing, considering you two have stopped contact.

I wish · Sep 12, 2009, 06:20 AM

Everyone looks around the room when they walk into a room. So of course there's going to be a few moments where he looks at you. Furthermore, he had a long history with you, so there's an even higher chance that he might look at you to see how you're doing. But he's trying to respect his new gf's wishes, so he can't talk to you, so all he can do is observe from afar. He can't expect him to keep his head down the entire day and not look up.

If you really want to psycho-analyze, then I would say that since he's your ex-bf, YOU'RE more wary of him, so that's how you catch him looking at you while he's looking around, so then it seems like he's really going out of the way to look at you, so it over-emphasizes the times that he's looking at you.

kctiger · Sep 12, 2009, 07:09 AM

There are two issues here. You are a psychology major so I will break them down for you. We are looking at opposite ends of the spectrum in behavior:

1. What does his body language mean?

2. Why do I care what his body language mean?

I would be focused more on the psychological aspects of the second question if I were you. That is the thing that impacts you the most, not what he does, but why you "analyze" what he does? Get it?

talaniman · Sep 12, 2009, 08:10 AM

He is respecting his g/f's wishes whether he wants to, or not, but no doubt seeing you at work brings back old feelings, and memories, as it does for you to I bet.

Seeing an ex does that to us all.

mellymo1983 · Sep 28, 2009, 07:56 PM

About ten days ago my ex boyfriend text messaged me wanting to talk to me about his problems with his girlfriend and about a few days ago I finally upgrade my instant messenger and I get a message that says I have one invitation and as I open it the message says that he wants to connect with me, then today I get an email that says that he has added me as his friend on Facebook-- so I guess my question is after he tells me his girlfriend doesn't like him talking to me and emphasizes how incompatible we were and how if he was going to give what we had a chance he needed to put her wants first, and telling me he's going to take me off MSN and block my number and email why does he do all this? Anyway how does Facebook and Windows Live work? After saying all these things what could he possibly want from me?

troy70 · Sep 28, 2009, 08:04 PM

Leave him be, read the NC stickies to help yourself out. Get yourself together then get back out there in the dating scene and have some fun! Don't bother with that weirdo!

TheCompromiser · Sep 28, 2009, 09:57 PM

If you want to maintain the friendship with him, as does he, tell him he may call you whenever he likes, but don't expect anything, this includes getting back with him.

You have to respect that he's with her, and what he has done is in respect for her feelings.

Just let him know that you're a friend he can always talk to, and that's where things end.

Hope this helps.

kctiger · Sep 29, 2009, 05:33 AM

You are a back up plan for him. Why is he talking to you while he has a girlfriend? Because he knows that if she doesn't work out, you will most likely be there. It doesn't seem as if he made a huge effort to connect with you before they started having problems. That should be a major red flag to you. Don't be a Plan B to anyone.

winding200 · Sep 29, 2009, 10:48 AM

The chances are you will be hurt again just like before if you open the communication channel for his benefit. He needs someone he can talk to over his girlfriend issue, and he will play with your heart under the name of friendship. Why do you want to be hurt by someone who blocked you before? He does not respect you, but like to use you because he knows you are weak.

Face book, MSN, text message will only disturb the rhythm and harmony in your life. If I am you, I will not respond AT ALL. Take care of your own happiness, not the ex's lousy relationship issue. If he really likes to be with you, he should come back to you with full heart for only you after resolve all his issues. He is not even in a shape to care about you. Do you want to be his rebound door mat for your own cost? I guess not. Please respect yourself. Why don't you date someone else?

mellymo1983 · Nov 27, 2009, 01:00 AM

Is it me? Or am I just paranoid? But when your ex keeps instant messaging you online, would you say that is an indication that things are not going well for him? Because to me if things were going well for him why would I keep hearing from him? And why would he want to confide in me about his personal issues, and about his finances, knowing that he already has someone else lined up in his life? Why is he still turning to me?

amicon · Nov 27, 2009, 01:10 AM

The most likely explanation is that your ex is keeping you as a backup plan which is not a good place to be.
Have you recovered from the breakup?
If you haven't I suggest you go no contact and stop taking his calls,messages etc. It's not fair on you and it's not fair on his new partner.