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bluelost09 · Sep 25, 2009, 10:01 PM

Hey All my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday.. I wasn't giving her the attention and effection she needed there is a lot to it but to get to the main point.. This is the first girlfried that I don't hate or think anything bad of after the breakup.. so I sent her flowers at work today just to tell her what she means to me and that I love her. She called me upset and told me how much she loves me but she don't have it in her no more to try again. So I agreed to follow her wishes even though I no were meant to be together. She asked how I was and how I felt so I said I was fine and ill be allright and she didn't have to worry about me.. her response was she allways will no matter what and she wanted to check on me every day or every other day.. So I explained I don't think that's right at this point in the breakup how can we talk everyday if were not together I still have strong feeling. So she said OK she will call me in 4-6 weeks... I ended it from there. She then texted me again about our Facebook status she said she wanted to get the questions form family and friends over with cause if she don't change it and waits whem she does change it people will question her and if its in a month from now when she's starting to feel better she will get upset again.. So I agreed that was the smart thing to change her status and then also remove us as friends she said she didn't think that but if that's what I want she's OK with it... so she removed me and sent me a email saying she wanted to say she's not cold but she's loves me more then anyone ever but it won't work now and how she's wants to keep in touch. So I wrote her and back that I respect that and I love her and allways will but I can talk to her for now.. I need to clear my head and heal.. and not to communicate with me so I can heal.. I left if open that I'm here if she changes her mind and I still love her.. So she texts me after that please don't lose my number so I answer I won't I just need to clear my mind. Then she texts me she paid my last phone bill I said TY then she text me OK goodnight.. that I didn't answer I can't talk to her or text her its to hard.. Am I correct in doing that or will she think I don't carE? I tried all I can if she don't bite on that is there anything else?

bluelost09 · Sep 25, 2009, 10:29 PM

I just want to know since I love her so much and want her if she calls me and texts me and if I don't answer is that a sing I don't want her to think I don't care at the same time I don't want to be used or false hope

bjohnrupp · Sep 25, 2009, 10:45 PM

I went through the same thing as you these past 2 months and am still going through it. When my ex texts me I answer her but I don't ever text her 1st. Its really up to you but if you're saying its too hard for you to hear from her right now then don't answer her until you are over her completely.

Wondergirl · Sep 25, 2009, 11:00 PM

You're never going to heal and move on with your life if you let her reel you back in day after day or whenever she wants to.

No Contact! None. At. All. Delete her, erase her, defriend her.

amicon · Sep 26, 2009, 12:56 AM

No contact AT ALL will help you find your own balance and you ll heal more quickly.
Every time there is any kind of contact you ll find yourself back on square one again-confused and emotional.

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 05:24 AM

That's how I feel... I mean we broke up yesterday and she's worried about her status and wants to get the questions from people over it.. yet she wants to keep me as a friend what sense is that?? Its like she says she wants me there to make it easier for her but what about me??

amicon · Sep 26, 2009, 05:39 AM

Exactly-its about YOU now , not about her and what SHE wants or needs.
Keeping you hanging around and pulling your strings is a big no-no.
She can sort herself out , you should stay no contact at all so that you can begin to heal and get your life back on track again.

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 05:44 AM

Yes I don't have a choice now I don't sleep much I don't eat much... I know it will get better I was here before.. the feeling of being alone as well as not being with someone I love is what makes it worse. Im so much stronger then my last relationship wich was 3 years this was a year the onlyy difference I thought this one honestly was the one. Before I could honestly tell myself I would go NC I needed her to know what I felt and how bad I wanted her now I hope it will be easier to keep away.. cause I need to sleep I need to eat I need to heal 2 move on..

Fr_Chuck · Sep 26, 2009, 05:49 AM

You don't NEED her to know anything, you want this or that.

What you need is to stop any contact, don't read any text, don't read any emails and don't send any.

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 05:53 AM

OK, yes I deleted all her email and texts I just deleted all her friends from my networking sites and removed all the pics of us.. now comes the time...

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 05:54 AM

Thanks god I have my friends now... cause I would feel lost.. I just don't get why a breakeee always says lets be friends I care and love you a lot I want to make sure your OK.. I need to make sure everything is all right and I want to be your friend if your breaking up why do you need to be or know anything?

amicon · Sep 26, 2009, 05:54 AM

Yes breakups are tough and Im sorry you re feeling sad and blue.
You need to eat sleep right and get out and about and keep busy.
This is a healing process-it takes time and there are no shortcuts.
Eventually you will meet someone who s mature enough to be in a good relationship with you.
See friends and family don't sit around on your own.
Take care.

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 05:59 AM

Here is what I need opinions on " i just dont get why a breakeee always says lets be friends i care and love u alot i wanna make sure ur ok.. I need to make sure everything is alright and i wanna be ur friend if ur breaking up why do u need to be or know anything??"

amicon · Sep 26, 2009, 06:05 AM

My take on that is that the dumpers say these things to soften the blow and to make themselves feel better about what they ve done.

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 06:20 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

My take on that is that the dumpers say these things to soften the blow and to make themselves feel better about what they ve done.

I c

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 07:00 AM

I guess what it also is, is that as much as I seen little changes in her for like 4 or so weeks when we hung out she covered it so well. Last weekend we hung out slept next to each other holding each other all night kissing it all.. If someone wants to break up with you or is about to.. how can they do these things and act normal? How is that possible because if you breaking up shoudnt that mean you don't have the same feeling and if not how can you fake so good?

paxe · Sep 26, 2009, 07:03 AM

I've been there and probably worse than you and you're actually doing a good thing about NC. Breakers always ask to "stay" friend, for their own good. It's a selfish reason and it's in order to soften the blow to them.

It's actually good that you are doing NC to heal ( I hope you are not planning to contact her soon ). Are you taking your healing actively? I mean are you doing sport, going out...

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

I've been there and probably worse than you and you're actually doing a good thing about NC. Breakers always ask to "stay" friend, for their own good. It's a selfish reason and it's in order to soften the blow to them.

It's actually good that you are doing NC to heal ( I hope you are not planning to contact her soon ). Are you taking your healing actively? I mean are you doing sport, going out...

Well actually yesterday was really the first day... and we talked last night when she removed from her network page and changed her status she wrote me back and said I'm not being cold this hole story.. so I said I understand and care for her but now the contact must end.. She text me a few more times telling me she paid my last phone bill.. then not to delete her number and then finally gn.. that last one I didn't respond 2 and I want to keep it that way.. unless she has a total change of heart I can't lie to myself I won't be able to deal with friends at least for now. And yes I have not been stayiong home at all the only problem is that I can't sleep longer then 3 hours so I'm allways tired..

paxe · Sep 26, 2009, 07:39 AM

That's quite normal actually, I wasn't able to sleep the first day and then many days after that. The thing is to do complete NC, and to start training everyday, even if you're tired. Your body will rest and you will be able to get some good night sleep. I know it's not the best thing, but I took a bit of sleeping pills because my break up was during exam time, you can ask your doctor about them.
Don't worry sleep will come back and slowly everything will go back to normal. The most important thing is sport, then family support, then friends in terms of helping you getting better.

bluelost09 · Sep 26, 2009, 07:58 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

That's quite normal actually, I wasn't able to sleep the first day and then many days after that. The thing is to do complete NC, and to start training everyday, even if you're tired. Your body will rest and you will be able to get some good night sleep. I know it's not the best thing, but I took a bit of sleeping pills because my break up was during exam time, you can ask your doctor about them.
Don't worry sleep will come back and slowly everything will go back to normal. The most important thing is sport, then family support, then friends in terms of helping you getting better.

Thank u... I'm so lucky its football season and that it just started... also happy I found this site.. I really need it