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mahal_kita9 · Sep 21, 2009, 06:03 AM

How can you tell if you don't trust someone for a good reason, or if maybe you are just insecure?

I know it's a broad question, but after breaking up with my boyfriend of 10 months due to trust issues, I can't tell if I had the right to not trust him, or it was my own insecurity.

kctiger · Sep 21, 2009, 06:11 AM

Well what made you not trust him?

amicon · Sep 21, 2009, 06:11 AM

Could you let us have some more information please?

mahal_kita9 · Sep 21, 2009, 06:21 AM

It's a very long story, but I'll give some main points.

He has lied about smoking in the past... around 6 months ago... I am over that, or at least think I am.

Recently I heard from one of his friends, who is a girl, that he called her asking her to come over to his house and when she got there, he asked her to have sex with him. This absolutely killed me. He denied it and said she has started similar stuff in the past before we were together, and she's doing it to get her boyfriend's attention. After a few days of thinking things through I decided to believe him, because I knew what kind of a person she is and it wouldn't surprise me that she did that.

There has been another girl who is my boyfriend's "best girl friend" but when I told him I was getting worried about them talking as much as they do, he overreacted and defended her so much. That right there is very suspicious, in my opinion anyway. He acts like she is so perfect in every way and puts her on a pedestal.

And the past, I guess the past month, he's been selfish, thinking the whole relationship is about him and his priorities. This past weekend he ditched the plans he had with me to go to a huge get-together/party with a group of guys friends.

So I told him that I didn't trust him at all, with anything. He said that was my own insecurity, which may be true to some extent, but that doesn't erase the fact of him ditching me and acting selfish.

But I miss him so much, but I also don't want to be a stupid person who goes back to someone who will only hurt me more in time.

amicon · Sep 21, 2009, 06:31 AM

Then please don't BE a stupid person and try to get back with this person.He sounds like a real clown.

HotPotato2009 · Sep 21, 2009, 06:43 AM

He sounds like a real a** hole to me.

Justwantfair · Sep 21, 2009, 06:46 AM

Originally Posted by mahal_kita9

I also don't want to be a stupid person who goes back to someone who will only hurt me more in time.

Reread this line when you are feeling weak.

Do not stay in a relationship out of your own insecurity.
Being with someone isn't more important than loving and respecting yourself.

mahal_kita9 · Sep 21, 2009, 06:58 AM

But isn't this unfair for everyone to only know the bad things? It's hard to let go of something when it was great, with bad times here and there. I've always thought that the good times have always out-weighed the bad, it's just that here lately I'm exhausted always worrying about if he is 100% truthful.

kctiger · Sep 21, 2009, 07:00 AM

You can't really have a relationship without trust built. Regardless of the situation, you don't trust him, which is causing you to worry and be unsettled. Unfortunately I don't see that changing.

I wish · Sep 21, 2009, 07:11 AM

Just from your second sentence telling us that he "lied" is already enough reason to loose trust in him. If he can lie about something like that, who knows what else he's lying about.

Be glad that you're no longer with him. A relationship cannot be built around lies.