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cdavison · Sep 17, 2009, 04:51 AM

Right, I've been thinking about relationships and trying to understand them, particularly sexuality and I'm curious especially to hear from people who've been married for more than five years or have been in long term relationships. I have friends who have been in long term relationships and some who are married and none of them seem to be satisfied with just one sexual partner. My parents were married for 17 years and my dad wasn't faithful for a lot of them. I have a friend who's been with his fiancé for three years, loves her and they even bought a house together but he sleeps with anything in a skirt basically. He says it's just for physical simulation and that he loves his girl, which I know is true. I know sexually they are happy also, so why does he play the field? He says it's a phase but does it ever end?

I like to think I'm a good guy and have never cheated on a girl in a relationship and have only ever slept with two in my life any way, but I wonder if there's something in built in men that just makes us look elsewhere or is there something I'm missing. For the guys who don't cheat on their wives, would you consider porn as cheating? Was talking to a girl about how she would view her boyfriend/husband watching porn and then masturbating and she said, she should be enough for him in all ways and that she thinks that's still cheating. So guys and girls, can a guy be strictly and completely be satisfied with one girl or lady forever? And would you class porn as being unfaithful? I have married friends who occasionally play the field but still love their wives. So I'm intrigued as to whether a guy can ever be truly monogamous...

Synnen · Sep 17, 2009, 06:05 AM

Absolutely guys can be monogamous. Mine has been for 13 years!

As far as the porn thing--what is and what isn't cheating is defined by each couple for their relationship. I don't see it as cheating, my husband doesn't see it as cheating, and I'm baffled by people who DO see it as cheating, so I can't explain that viewpoint.

Your friends sound like jerks, btw---and I hope their women wake up and leave them by the curb for endangering their lives for a piece of skirt.

smoothy · Sep 17, 2009, 07:26 AM

Porn is nothing more than a visual medium. Has nothing at all to do with being faitfull. Unless one chooses to become a porn star. Women like soap operas and romance novels, guys like seeing skin.

With that said... yeah guys can be faithful and be happy. BUT it does take work. You have to keep yourself in shape... not allow yourself to become a nag, be a friend as well as a partner, and keep a nice variety of bedroom tricks to avoid boredom.

Your friends are exactly the type of people that should never get married... because they don't have the emotional maturity for such a step.

lindastoningpot · Sep 17, 2009, 09:10 AM

Guys can be faithful. Some are not. Women can be unfaithful too but it seems to me guys are more often caught. I don't in my opinion think porn is cheating. I couldn't imagine not having something to gawk at when one partner isn't in the mood and they need to help themselves as long as it doesn't become a problem for either person.

cdavison · Sep 17, 2009, 09:30 AM

13 years! Wow! I guess I have become a sceptic but with the kind of people I know... I just wondered if maybe it's a boredom thing? Love doesn't come into it, because they love their women but then why the serial shagging?

And emotional maturity... Can you separate emotion from sex? They say the two are not related. He gets all his emotional fixes from his girl and that with the other girls it's just sex. He was saying he can't imagine having just woman for the rest of his life...

Synnen · Sep 17, 2009, 09:33 AM

Then he's a selfish little boy.

One woman is enough for ANY man, if he cultivates the sexual relationship with her.

PS--Smoothy's been married far longer than I have!

smoothy · Sep 17, 2009, 10:44 AM

Been married since 1991. Not bored with my wife yet. She takes great care of herself and we keep it fresh and exciting.

I could not make that same statement with my previous girlfriends however. Some of them were horrifically dull.

cdavison · Sep 17, 2009, 10:52 AM

Wow! Since 1991! That's amazing! Is the attraction still the same as it was at the beginning?

smoothy · Sep 17, 2009, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by cdavison

Wow! Since 1991!! That's amazing! Is the attraction still the same as it was at the beginning?

I can say yes... but actually its better now than it was in the beginning. Where she was basically willing but inexperienced... she is now willing and experienced. So yeah... it can get better with time. We don't have a lot of hangups, or prohibited things, and neither of us are what you would call sexually repressed. As long as we enjoy it together then its fair game.

Don't think it's a fairy tale marriage where everything is perfect... we have our fights and disagreements... and some really heated arguments at times... but they never last. She's hotheaded and wears her emotions on her sleeve... I can have a temper myself but I'm more even tempered.

desertstar36 · Sep 17, 2009, 11:29 AM

Well I have been married for 13 years. I would like to hope my husband has been failthful(we all would). I think a man can be with just one woman and vise versa. I have married friends that are women who have cheated also , so It works both ways. I think to keep a marriage faithfull you need to keep it exciting, and try new things. I also do not think of porn as cheating. I think it would be better to watch it together, it may give a marriage's sex life a boost.

smoothy · Sep 17, 2009, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by desertstar36

Well I have been married for 13 years. I would like to hope my husband has been failthful(we all would). I think a man can be with just one woman and vise versa. I have married friends that are women who have cheated also , so It works both ways. I think to keep a marriage faithfull you need to keep it exciting, and try new things. i also do not think of porn as cheating. I think it would be better to watch it together, it may give a marriage's sex life a boost.

Exactly... wife found some stuff that REALLY turns her on watching porn with me... stuff neither of us would have guessed, or even known about otherwise. Just by trying different topics... (adult movie rentals).

Helped us fluff up our personal bag of tricks.

Catsmine · Sep 17, 2009, 12:08 PM

I'll see your '91, Smoothy, and raise you to '86. No, it's not the same as it was, it's better! It takes a lot of work and an occaisional slice of humble pie, but fidelity is not only essential to my integrity, it's safer these days. An affair now could be fatal even if no one ever finds out.

Your friends need to grow up before they make long term commitments, cdavision.

Cat1864 · Sep 17, 2009, 12:13 PM

I have been married since 1986. Been with my husband since 1985 (I will let you do the math). I can only speak for myself (I will let him speak for himself), but he is the only man I have wanted (even in fantasies) since about the moment I met him.

Erotica (porn included) is nothing more than a tool. It gives ideas and adds details to shared fantasies. Erotica isn't just for a single person at a time. Sharing it with your mate can help keep things feeling like new.

Has keeping our marriage going strong been easy? No. We work really hard to keep the relationship growing instead of stagnating or shrinking. The good times take just as much work if not more than the bad times because it is so easy to forget to do the little things that make a relationship strong.

People who stray do so for a number of reasons. Sex may be part of it but is rarely the only reason. It usually is a symptom.

haze · Sep 17, 2009, 01:48 PM

Me and my partner have been together for 5 years, I think we both get a bit bored with each other all the time so we talked about it and came up with new ideas, He watches porn all the time I don't consider it cheating.
We have also bought another woman into the bedroom with us, Both consenting of course just try spice things up a bit, but we would never have an affair with any one else.
That is just rude, unfair, selfish and heartbreaking

simoneaugie · Sep 17, 2009, 10:58 PM

Monogamy is genetic. Some guys have more of an urge to mess around than others. Some of it is their upbringing. Some of it is just the way they are. Just my opinion.

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sergie · Sep 18, 2009, 12:48 AM

Well, in fact Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to say, every man has different opinion when come to sex. Well, for me, I would like to make love with every woman that I passby, its not that a big issue, some are quite content with even one. On the other hand, those who are married or those who have girl friends may not at all bother but for some it may.so as to CDAVISON'S question, no body can give you the right answer, you to have to understand it by yourself. ' Listen to everybody but, make your own decision'.

Catsmine · Sep 18, 2009, 02:06 AM

I forget the author, but someone once wrote to their wife, "I could not love you near as much, did I not love all women somewhat."

That was about jealousy, not fidelity, but it does explain looking.

smoothy · Sep 18, 2009, 05:11 AM

Based on the Comments of Sergie above... I might want to add a few of my own.

Yes a guy can be happy with one woman... BUT that's not to say he would never think about banging every good looking woman that crosses his path. That's a normal thought process for most guys that aren't obsessed.

But with that said... my wife knows it, we talk about it, we in fact joke about it... she even points out the ones she see's she thinks would catch my interest. Including every well endowed woman that walks by.

She isn't jealous because she knows I picked her to stay with. SHe knows I could be banging a percentage of them if I was so inclined to do so, but being married to her I don't. I know the grass being greener on the other side of the fence is an optical illusion. And the total package I have with her beats the superficial beauty many have in greater abundance but without the other things that make a good stable long term relationship.