[thatsmymuffin]

I'm a 25 year-old female and I've been seeing my 21 year-old boyfriend for almost nine months now. I lost my virginity to him around the end of July and we have done the deed a total of four times now. I have gotten him to climax numerous times but I have yet to have an orgasm with him.

I feel that we should be having more sex than we do simply so that we can learn to get in sync with each other's bodies because honestly, right now, sex feels more like a chore than anything else. With both of us being new to the game, sex has yet to flow naturally and is more awkward than it is enjoyable.

The only problem is that he doesn't really seem interested in doing it more often. Some of the excuses are as follows:

--I don't want to do it in a car because it's too cramped.
--I want to wait until I get my own place so that I don't have to answer to my parents.
--My parents are very devout Catholics and I don't want them to find out and be disappointed in me.
--It would make me a hypocrite if my friends knew.

Granted some of his arguments are valid because we're very limited on where we can go because neither of us live on our own yet, but I'm bothered by the fact that he's so concerned about what others will think of him. Last time I checked, we are all sexual beings. His friends all do it, his parents do it (they also had him out of wedlock, by the way)... I don't think anyone would be shocked or disappointed to find out that he does it too.

I could really use some help with this because it is becoming extremely frustrating. The more I push, the more excuses he comes up with. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and that he doesn't care about my pleasure at all, which I have told him, to which he said he would promise to make it up to me. But I have yet to see him take any steps towards paying off this debt. And now I'm feeling more used than ever because of it. It has become a recurring problem that we can't seem to solve.

A couple days ago, I pretty much gave him an ultimatum, telling him that I don't want to see him again until he decides he wants to make good on his promise to me. Now he's angry with me.

Maybe that was cruel or the wrong thing to do but I'm afraid that if I continue to see him, I will eventually give in and continue to give him oral sex. I don't want him to think that just because I give him oral sex, everything is okay. I want him to understand that I'm feeling underappreciated and that I'd like to see him try and correct the problem.

Does anyone think that I handled the situation wrong, or that there were better actions I could have taken? Any insight as to why he may be acting the way he's acting? I know he's serious about me and we have a good relationship besides the sexual aspect of it... I'm just puzzled by his behavior and having a hard time comprehending it. I would really like some feedback on this. Thanks.

[Synnen]

Why SHOULD he want to change?

He's getting HIS!

Stop putting out ANYTHING for him---except normal affection.

And yeah--in a car, or in his/your parents' house---mood killer to the extreme. BUT... if he can RECEIVE oral sex either of those places, then he sure as hell can GIVE it there too.

PS--Seriously, stop pressuring the guy into sex. If it were a guy trying to get a girl to have sex, everyone would be up in arms. Maybe he's not really READY for sex with you.

That doesn't mean you can't be affectionate, and that you can't practice mutual masturbation to learn each other's bodies---but leave actual intercourse out of the equation for now.

[Mishka1]

Time to find someone else. As you found out, sex is very important in a relationship. If your sex drives do not come close to matching, it's just as bad as being in a relationship where your life goals don't match. By the way, he's in his sexual prime right now, past it actually, and you're just getting started. It's bound to only get worse. A girl friend of mine had sex 4 times in 13 years of marriage before leaving him. Nothing was physically wrong, the relationship was awesome, he just wasn't into sex. She knew it before she got married and paid the price thinking that he would change.

[lindastoningpot]

I would stop having sex with this guy right away. If you want pleasure explore your body on your own or with someone who will treat you right.