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emopunk7 · Dec 20, 2009, 05:40 PM

Thanks friend4U but I don't understand what you mean about constant questioning and badgering. I even gave the mian situations and they only included like a question or two and dropped. Please reread. Where do you see that I have major trust issues. To be honest, if I read my post, I'd say that is perfectly normal and in fact pretty good considering 3 and a half years together. Please explain why I have major trust issues.

Especially when I told her over 3 times to be honest and not lie again because it hurts me. If she wants to hang out then just let me know. If she is still going to go, I'd rather her tell me instead of this. Still she couldn't do this. Did I ever do anything like this to her especially when I was dedicated in making us work? no. But sure, say I have major trust issues but it makes a lot of sense... not really. Please explain.

rockie100 · Dec 20, 2009, 05:53 PM

If emotional blackmail fits, than that is probably what it was. Try to realise, not all girls feel the need to play in this way. A healthy, loving relatioship will have no games. Be aware of your 'guilt and blame thoughts' as just moments of reasoning. Not as thoughts fruitful enough to dwell on for longer than a moment. Also, not to be applied to any other relationship in the future.

emopunk7 · Dec 20, 2009, 06:24 PM

Amicon, Friend4U, Vanhear and Rookie please respond.

vanheart · Dec 20, 2009, 06:29 PM

I agree 1000%. Couldn't have said it better.

Learn, and be aware. Reasoning, yes.

To be together emotionally as possible. With all things.

rockie100 · Dec 20, 2009, 06:32 PM

I just looked up the word trust in the dictionary. Seems that it isn't something measured in degrees. Hard for me to explain... Trust, it seems, is something you offer after it is both of your resolve to be faithful. With trust, you will be able to expect with confidence, that problems will be resolved, because you believe in each other without any fear. You will place confidedence in the fact they speak the truth.

friend4u178 · Dec 20, 2009, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Thanx friend4U Please explain why I have major trust issues.

But sure, go ahead and say I have major trust issues but it makes a lot of sense...not really. please explain.

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Comments on this post
emopunk7 agrees: Thanx Rookie! I will always give 100% in my next relationship. My only problem possibly is to trust more..

You said it here yourself Emo , and it's riddled through this whole thread.

BTW , if I don't reply straight away it's because I'm not on the site so don't think I'm ignoring you and I'm sure that goes for the others.

emopunk7 · Dec 20, 2009, 06:36 PM

Can anybody read my previous post and give me some serious feedback?

emopunk7 · Dec 20, 2009, 06:48 PM

Thank you very much Rookie! I always appreciate it... I guess I am feeling a bit down right now... not too bad though. I just don't see how she couldn't handle the relationship anymore and broke up. This girl almost never trusted me. Always wayy jealous. And just with 2 or 3 episodes of me in the past which I mentioned in my last post, makes me someone who has major trust issues? How? I couldn't even go with my family alone to a park or to the movies without letting her know or she would be pissed for days and she would say you're going to regret this and threaten me. Yet she goes with friends and to places where her ex is and yet I still just tell her to please not do it again and always gave her a chance. But why would she do this? And if she was so jealous and cursed me out when upset and hurt me, how is it that she can dump me?

talaniman · Dec 20, 2009, 06:53 PM

I think you would help yourself a lot by accepting the fact that just because you think, or see things one way, others may think, and see things another way.

You keep going back to your past interactions, and questioning why she did this, why she did that. You haven't grasp the power of accepting how a person is, just because that's the way they are.

My friend when you can accept people just because that's the way they are, you will have gone a long way in understanding them, and their actions.

You have to empathize at some point because what's reasonable to you may be crazy to me.

Once you accept she is a nut, then you can understand why she did nutty things. It really is that simple. She is who she is, and nothing you do will ever change that. Just accept it, and stop looking for other answers when there are none.

rockie100 · Dec 20, 2009, 06:54 PM

Just asking.. Did you read my dictionary response? What can you gather from it? Just interested...

emopunk7 · Dec 20, 2009, 06:59 PM

Here's the thing. Would anybody here betray their girlfriend and tell her you are going to bed while they work and instead go to a bar or club with a friend? Then even after she finds out, instead of saying sorry or going home you get mad at her and curse her and say you haven't hung out in a while and then hang up? Then ignore her calls and texts for 5 hours until you get home and ignore how worried she is? Is that love?

I went through that... The last time was my fourth time. Yet every one says I have trust issues... I think its more that I have issues of being hurt and taken as a sucker. What do you think?

rockie100 · Dec 20, 2009, 07:15 PM

Do you remember the Remote Control we all have the ability to use? You need to start to use the On Demand button... We All Have Been Hurt from time to time. I don't like labels like 'sucker' I'm to strong to keyhole myself like that. I adapt! Life gives me lemons... I in time, I will make lemonade.
Use the talent you have, to make your focus more meaningful.
I am waiting... Show us.

talaniman · Dec 20, 2009, 07:19 PM

I think your rehashing old feelings, but have avoided the real facts in this situation. She was not capable of rationale thoughts, and actions when it comes to you, just because she doesn't think the way you do, and you have passed over the fact that she had her own motives for what she did, and the way she did it.

If in fact you had been paying closer attention, you would have kicked her to the curb long ago, instead of constantly tried to fix things according to your own logic. Every time you thought it was fixed she did something else in a way you didn't like, and off to the races once again, trying to fix things.

Logic should have told you her actions were unacceptable, but you were so in love, you were determined to change her for the better, but she was having none of that, nor did she want it. Matter of fact, it more than likely pizzed her off.

So now you have to keep going back over old ground to find a way to understand her, instead of accepting the very real fact that her love was very different, than yours was. That's why the chances of you both lasting for ever were slim at best, so now its over.

Don't worry, your not the first guy or gal that wonders what changed in this love thing, nor are the first or the last to try and figure it out so you can know what to fix.

Truth is, it is the way it is, and sometimes there are no fixes to be had. You just have to move forward, and don't look back.

emopunk7 · Dec 20, 2009, 07:45 PM

Hey Rookie... Trust I believe is what you said. It goes along with confidence. You can have confidence and still not trust someone, though. Some people are not trustworthy. Trust isn't something that is earned in my opinion. Instead it is something given automatically until it is proven that the person can no longer be trusted. I only had a problem with my ex because she would go where her exs were, but I still never forced her to not go. I would simply just express myself. She seemed understanding. But whenever we argued, then she would go without telling me and that started to kill my trust and it confused me. There was never anything with a guy, but still it was betrayal in my eyes. Is this justified?

By all means, whoever reads my questions as a way to hang on, its not true. In fact I will be 100% honest in saying that I will not ever go back with her. I am moving forward. Just certain things I need to talk about right now as a process of moving on and its helping.
Tman... thank you. I think I have to reread your posts a few more times and truly understand. There seems like a lot to think about... hahaha Will get back to it soon and give you my feedback more clearly.

emopunk7 · Dec 20, 2009, 08:31 PM

I only had a problem with my ex because she would go where her exs were, but I still never forced her to not go. I would simply just express myself. She seemed understanding. But whenever we argued, then she would go without telling me and that started to kill my trust and it confused me. There was never anything with a guy, but still it was betrayal in my eyes. Is this justified?

vanheart · Dec 21, 2009, 01:20 AM

Holy, hells bells, emo.

Im coming in later, but did you really read what rockie first wrote.

You're not emo or punk if you keep this up.

vanheart · Dec 21, 2009, 01:35 AM

No offense, Just a slap.

All I hear is her, tell me some other stories.

It takes time, man. Relax.

Cat1864 · Dec 21, 2009, 06:49 AM

Emo, your trust issue isn't with her. It is with yourself. You didn't trust your own instincts to get out of the relationship when the problems started adding up. All of your stories come back to you not trusting your judgment.

Learn to trust yourself. Learn to trust your own instincts and judgment.

bswc · Dec 21, 2009, 08:00 AM

You just can't accept the fact! Or maybe you're jealous that a broke up is what you've got for trusting her that good. That would be one of the reason you 2 broke up, its imbalance on both sides.

She don't love you as much as you love her, there goes the difference in behaviour and attitude

IMO, She took a blinded good guy for granted. There's tons of people beyond your expectation ( attitude, behaviour, thoughts, actions). The answer lies in god.

slapshot_oi · Dec 21, 2009, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

I only had a problem with my ex because she would go where her exs were, but I still never forced her to not go. I would simply just express myself. She seemed understanding. But whenever we argued, then she would go without telling me and that started to kill my trust and it confused me. There was never anything with a guy, but still it was betrayal in my eyes. Is this justified?

By "simply expressing yourself" you told her you don't trust her even if you were nice about it, which is why everyone is saying that you have trust issues. What you should've done, is not said anything. If I were her, I'd get frustrated, too, especially if it was a party I really wanted to go to.

Exes are exes for a reason, you have to put a little faith in the person your dating, and you didn't, so she had to resort to lying so she could keep her social life and her boyfriend. I don't agree with her, she should've just broken up with you at that point, but we're not perfect and I can't say that I wouldn't do the same.