[troy70]

I am having a really hard time dating... can anyone help me out.

I feel like I fall for every girl I date. I've been single for about 6 months after a 3.5 year relationship that included: living together, cooking, romance, GREAT sex life, talking daily, sharing deepest secrets, cuddling, etc...

Since my relationship I've dated ~10 women. Some I have dated numerous times, some once then keep in touch... But I'm having a hard time just enjoying myself because I miss the things I had with my ex a lot and it seems none of the women I've dated so far can even come close to feeling the same way for me my ex did.

Now I know I'm "jumping the gun" by only dating these women a few times then comparing to a long relationship, but the couple I've been really interested in all don't have the same views I do in the long term... For instance, one girl I'm so head over heels for right now and she is for me too, but she doesn't want kids, marriage, and I feel from talking about the past that she's really iffy about commitment.

I just feel really lost right now and could use some words of encouragement friends.

And just to add I think I am a very good looking guy. I gym daily, eat right, work hard for my money, and know how to treat a women.

But I feel like I wear my heart on my sleeve and can't just relax and have a good time...

And I'm only 21!! Uggggh...

[troy70]

Oh and these women. Some are friend of friends, old school friends (thanks to Facebook), and some from social gatherings (beach parties, bars, one from a night club). The girl I'm falling for is an old school friend. Just for some insight as to where I'm looking... And the friends I hang out with aren't party animals because I'm not really like that. So a lot of these girls are very down to earth and not shallow. But none of them even compare!

[itried]

Exactly. You're only 21. I assume you're dating women of a similar age to you so that's why they aren't into having kids. You need to slow down and just enjoy getting to know each other. You seem to be having the problems that a 40 year old bachelor would run into.

Again: You're only 21. Relax.

[troy70]

Its not that their not into having kids, they've clearly stated, " yea im definitely not having children or getting married, not for me." But your right. I am thinking like a 40 yo bachelor lol... Thanks for the maturity check!

[artlady]

You are still stuck in thinking like a committed guy.

You were in that mode of thinking for 3plus years and you are stuck there.Go have some fun!

You need to just relax,have a good time and don't worry about finding anyone right now.

You have all the time in the world and believe me ,when you are happy being single,that is when you will meet Ms.Right.

Give yourself time to get over the past and only then will you be truly ready to even consider other people as potential mates without comparing them to the ex.

Six months is a drop in the bucket when it comes to getting over a long term relationship.

You are only young once my dear so I suggest you live it up while you can !

[itried]

This is what everyone your age says. Nobody wants to even think about having kids. You're too busy getting to know yourself and what you like and gaining the experience and maturity you're going to need in order to actually raise another human being from the ground up.

Dude, I'm 30, single, dating casually and not even thinking about speeding up my dating processes in order to fast-track a family. Life is short, have kids whenever the time is right for you. Don't fall into the trap of being like everyone else. Get it all out of your system so you aren't full of resentment when you're the 35 year old father of a 15 year old. Sure, I was ready to have kids a year ago, but now I have a second wind and I'm going to let it blow until it subsides.

Again, life is too short. Smell the flowers (and the perfume).

[troy70]

Thanks for your input guys, appreciate it. I guess the thing is, I am still stuck in committed mode. Its like I have this weird voice in my head when I'm with a girl saying, "If shes not what your looking for in the long run then your just wasting your time!" But yea, I need to realize I am only 21 and just go have fun no ties or anything.

[sandalwood7]

Hang in there Troy...

You sound like a really mature an dwise guy for your age and also that you have a lot to offer to a lucky girl.

I don't think one night stands or having fun is for everyone (I am like this) but I do think that being young is about meeting as many people as you can so that you can find someone that you you do like. You need to experience what is out there!

I know it sounds a bit spiritual (especially for an atheist such as myself!), but life is a journey, and people will come in and out of your life, but they all contribute to something in your life. They don't have to fulfill your perfect dream (actually the dream of society that we all aspire to: married, kids, home together) If someone provides something positive for you and makes you feel good, then accept that and spend time with them... Don't question it... If they don't, then don't spend time with them.

You are still very young and I think you do need to relax abit like most people have said. In my experience, life doesn't follow a straight, predictable line and that makes it more interesting. Embrace it, and all the people you meet along the way!

If you are looking so hard for something, it will distort your perceptions of new people you meet and will never make you happy because you will always feel unfulfilled. Stope looking and start enjoying and see what happens!

Good luck!

[A4Effort]

Hey, I am in the same boat as you. I started dating this girl I met at the freshmen orientation. We dated until our junior which brings us to right now. We broke up 3 weeks ago and I have the same thoughts as you. The reason why she left me is because I was looking for commitment and she could not offer me that at this point in her life. I have no problem finding new girls but all I am doing is comparing them to the ex since in my mind my ex was the one, perfection, and everything I looked for in a woman. I am not into one night stands and at this point I do not understand dating for fun. But I am 21 and need to realize that I will have 50+ years to be committed. Now its time to enjoy life and meet new people. It hurts just saying this but that's what we need to do. I truly believe in that we will find our loves by not looking for them. That is how I met my ex.