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s_cianci · Aug 23, 2009, 06:27 AM

Unfortunately, the system is what it is. Whenever any party wants to change the terms of a previously-established court order, they must file a motion to that effect with the court that issued the original order. Or, in some cases, if either party has relocated since, then a different court may have jurisdiction. In either case, the terms of a court order are binding and must be adhered to until it's changed. And getting a court order changed is no easy matter. As for her lowering the child support "with conditions", it's not likely to happen. Child support can only be changed if either party can show a substantial "change in circumstances" such as losing a job, having another child, getting a better job ; in short, anything that would affect the parent's ability to provide the child with a compatible standard of living. And no judge will attach any "conditions" to that. Now if she wants to ask for other provisions she can, separate from the issue of child support. Of course, there's no guarantee that the judge will give her what she asks for.

ScottGem · Aug 23, 2009, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by anieve

we could not afford a lawyer so paid the consequences.

As you have found out, you cannot afford to NOT have a lawyer.

What I'm curious about is whehter there was any support agreement in place prior to this. Seems to me a decent lawyer will show this action was vindictive on the part of the custodial parent and may have been able to get it dismissed.

I would have offered to split the extra she had to pay because she, illegitimately claimed the child. Seems to me your husband has handled this poorly from the get go.

stinawords · Aug 23, 2009, 08:24 AM

As has been mentioned your child does not cout with your husband because it is not his child... he has no legal obligations toward any of your children only his. Her family's income has absolutely nothing to do with support owed to her. Again her family has no legal obligation to support her child only the mother and father of the child do.

anieve · Aug 23, 2009, 09:23 AM

Thanks everyone for your advice, it is what I thought we have no recourse. And yes I agree my husband has handled this very poorly, I've been telling him the same thing for years, it has taken our funancial dilema to finally realize he needs to be more active in this problem. Thanks again for all the inut.

cdad · Aug 23, 2009, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by anieve

Thanks everyone for your advice, it is what I thought we have no recourse. And yes I agree my husband has handled this very poorly, I've been telling him the same thing for years, it has taken our funancial dilema to finally realize he needs to be more active in this problem. Thanks again for all the inut.

There may still be hope. It just depends on what the situation really is. That's why all the questions. The Calif system for child support collections is famous for its screw ups.

anieve · Aug 23, 2009, 04:42 PM

Court ordered visitation is from the divorce that was done in Colorado. He has half of the summer but she will not come for that long she will come for only a month, we do not want to force her to stay if she does not want to. It was taken into account (1 month) but we purchase the plane ticket every year sometimes 2 which was not taken into account. We live frugally do not have fancy cars but it semms like the cost of living wasn't even considered. Before he was paying $250, as well as all travel expenses and clothing. He did show up to this hearing by phone. So I guess this leads to another question then. He has supported me and my children (one we have together other is step) for the last 6 years, I don't work yet. My child that is not biologically his needs to be leagally his to be taken into cast consideration. His real dad doesn't pay child support is current $21,000 behind and hasn't called my son since Dec 31, 08. I sent him a letter asking him to sign away his rights so my hubby could adopt but no response can my hubby adopt without his consent? Thanks calidad I hope this helps.

cdad · Aug 23, 2009, 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by anieve

Court ordered visitation is from the divorce that was done in colorado. He has half of the summer but she will not come for that long she will come for only a month, we do not want to force her to stay if she does not want to. It was taken into account (1 month) but we purchase the plane ticket every year sometimes 2 which was not taken into account. We live frugally do not have fancy cars but it semms like the cost of living wasn't even considered. Before he was paying $250, as well as all travel expenses and clothing. He did show up to this hearing by phone. So I guess this leads to another question then. He has supported me and my children (one we have together other is step) for the last 6 years, I don't work yet. My child that is not biologically his needs to be leagally his to be taken into cast consideration. His real dad doesn't pay child support is current $21,000 behind and hasn't called my son since Dec 31, 08. I sent him a letter asking him to sign away his rights so my hubby could adopt but no response can my hubby adopt without his consent? thanks calidad I hope this helps.

Ok you have a few things going here that may have not been considered. It doesn't sound like there was any consideration for the child you and your husband share ? Has that been checked ?
California Child Support Calculator

Also have you checked the paperwork to make sure he got full credit for the time he is with his child from that relationship ? ( it may work out to 20% if its court ordered for summer )

As far as an adoption by your husband without your ex's consent the only way that happens is if he were unable to be reached and you have gone to extrodinary lengths to try to track him down. The fact heis behind in child support isn't enough on its own to relinquish his rights.

Some consideration will need to be given to the arrears that exist. You could always forgive them so long as he co operates with the adoption process and allows your husband to adopt. That is something between you and your ex to figure out and then you and your husband.
As far as your husbands existing child support order it needs to be read over very carefully and checked line for line to make sure everything is in order. From what you have said he is paying it's a hefty amout for anyone to bear. Another thing that may provide relief is that your husband be allowed to take the child as a deduction on his taxes ( but then that's also part of the California formula ), Something else that isn't spoken of is to change child support to family support. The difference is that child support is non tax deductable and family support is. That alone can make a big difference. There is hope. But you have to watch everything and if you do want an adoption your going to need a lawyer. Do NOT attempt it alone. You and your husband have a lot to talk about and consider. But first read all the papers from the court and the calculations they have made to ensure accuracy.

stinawords · Aug 23, 2009, 05:01 PM

You will need to get a family law attorney to petition prepare the adoption papers. It is possible for your husband to adopt despite the lack of response from your son's bio dad but not easy. If you can get ahold of him let him know that if he allows the adoption then his support obligation also stops (as well as saving you some time and money battling in court).