[kadd0007]

Hey guys just a quick one?

As some of you may know my last relationship ended it in disaster lol, but aside from that, how do you trust the new person you are with when you are so scared that the past will repeat itself.

I mean I met this awsome person but I can't seem to trust her or believe a word she says and I know that because of my last relationship. And I know that evetually I have to trust her otherwise it will never work I need TRUST in my relationships.

Any advice??

[talaniman]

Maybe you are not as ready as you think for this relationship. If you still have issues then maybe you should back up and put a little more time in your healing process. Or your instincts are giving you a warning you don't want to hear. Either way you need to give yourself more time.

[Wildcat21]

TAKE IT SLOW!! Don't put too much importance into it early on.

Because of the past you really need to take it slow - and there absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Ask a lot of questions. Spend time together.

But, yes - it also could be gut instancts about this particular person.

Questions for you:

Has she given you ANY reason to doubt her?

Has she been aloof or unavailable at times?

What actions has she done to doubt you?

What makes you feel this way?

Don't put pressure on her and rush things. Slow is the way to go. Always.

[momincali]

One thing is to trust, the other is to put all your eggs in one basket. Trust with what? That she won't hurt you, won't lie, won't cheat?? No one can know for sure what will happen. It happens to people who have been married for 25 years... we just have no guarantees.

So what's the alternative? Living a life without that significant other because they just might cheat or lie? Is that living?


Have your eyes, ears and brain open. Don't ignore that sign because things were going great, or she's the one you want to be "the one". Be responsible enough to listen to your common sense and not always your heart. Be trustworthy yourself and you may earn her trust as well.

[Wildcat21]

Yes - have other things in life - she will never be your life. Be busy - go out with her when you can. Don't contact her every day. Hang with friends.

Work o nyour self - make sure you workout - lift weights or long runs.

[Wonder1984]

Yes definatley take it slow...
And also tell her about your problems... makes it easyer for her to understand you and if problems occur in the future she won't have to wonder what is wrong...

But lay it out softly and not too much just letr her know how you feel...



And again move slow

[Skell]

I think if you can't trust someone then you aren't ready to start again. So I would advice against getting too involved.
Keep it very casual and fun. Very very SLOW.
That may help you regain some trust.
But honestly, not having trust for anyone just means you need a little more time to recover. And there is nothing wrong with that!

[kadd0007]

yeah I think I am just not fully ready yet so I'll take everyone's advice and take it slow =)

Thanks guys I'll be cautious and check for signs I just don't want to go through that pain again...

[shygrneyzs]

Hey guys just a quick one?

As some of you may know my last relationship ended it in disaster lol, but aside from that, how do you trust the new person you are with when you are so scared that the past will repeat itself.

i mean i met this awsome person but i can't seem to trust her or beleive a word she says and i know that because of my last relationship. and i know that evetually i have to trust her otherwise it will never work i need TRUST in my relationships.

Any advice????

Yes, here is a piece of advice.. Quit waiting for the shoe to drop. Nothing worse than forcing a relationship. If you are constantly wanting to verify everything this woman does, just how right is she for you - or maybe the better question is just how right are you for her? I know full well how hard it is to trust someone. Have you tried being a friend first to this person? Or did you zero into right away? Just be patient - with yourself above all else and it will develop. Good luck.

[anastasia2002]

Hey guys just a quick one?

As some of you may know my last relationship ended it in disaster lol, but aside from that, how do you trust the new person you are with when you are so scared that the past will repeat itself.

i mean i met this awsome person but i can't seem to trust her or beleive a word she says and i know that because of my last relationship. and i know that evetually i have to trust her otherwise it will never work i need TRUST in my relationships.

Any advice????

I am in the same relationship were me and my boyfriend are about to end our relationship because I don't trust him

[Wildcat21]

Without trust you have nothing. It's not worth it.

kadd0007: I think your starting to build barriers/walls - which are good. Don't rush things - don't dive in immediately. People should really earn the right tobe with you.

shygrneyzs makes some really gret points! I really like what was posted there.

[kadd0007]

Trust me Wildcat I have huge walls up now, and I will make sure they only come down when the time is right...

My last relationship was a learning experince I will never forget!!

[Wildcat21]

Good. That's why you date a lot.

[s_cianci]

Have you learned anything from your past? Were there mistakes you made that you can now see? Does your new interest give you any reason not to trust or believe her? Paranoia notwithstanding, has she said or done things that just don't add up? If you get a strong gut reaction it's generally good to go along with it. However, if you're just making assumptions that she's being dishonest with you, then that's not good and something you have to work on. Probably the best advice is to give the benefit of the doubt as long as there is no doubt. It has to be concrete doubt, substantiated by actual events, not just fear on your part.

[scheris]

It's understandable that you can't trust anyone right now because of you've been hurt badly from your previous relationships. I think there are two things that you need to look at before proceeding.

1. Are you really ready for a relationship right now, emotionally, mentally and physically? Maybe your hesitation with this new person is caused by your own turmoil about relationships.

2. You keep having mistrust for every person you want to start relationships with, it's a guarantee that relationship will not last. One of the most important things (HUGE) in a relationship is trust and if it you don't have it or can't give it then that relationship has no future.

Trust is one of the foundations of a strong and lasting relationship, without it you can't build a real relationship.

[kadd0007]

all good points and I for sure have to work on them, I just don't want to pass up something good due to my insicuritys!!

But I am taking it slow and so far so good =)