[Alty]

Rock, meet hard place.

Tell me truthfully, not with your heart, but with your head.

Do you want to be with someone like this?

his words were "this relationship is sh1te"

asked what he would do if I were to leave and walk out, he replied with 'nothing, I wouldn't fight for anyone, if a person has made their decision, that's that'.

After 24 hours of silence, he decided that we just carry on as normal as we're settled, and he's happy to just muddle through

He treats you worse then most people would treat a rat they found under their bed. Why are you putting up with it? Why are you satisfied with the same old same old? I'll tell you why, because that's what you're used to.

If you stay I promise you one thing and I know this for a fact, he will never change, he will never commit to you and anyone that tell you that your relationship is "sh*t" even if he's not serious, is not worth holding on to.

I think that deep down you know that you deserve more, but it's so hard to walk away after investing so much time.

Question is, how much more time are you going to invest before you realize that you're on a dead end street?

[nobabes]

Alt... thank you

I would like to say thanks to everyone throughout this thread, its been a long one but I now know what needs to be done, I have made my mind up to get rid and move on.

I have really appreciated everything everyone and said and its great to know there's people out there with compassion and understanding.

I have to say though I don't think this thread has completely come to an end... I still have to do the dead which is turning out to be way more difficult than I could ever imagine... emotionally and in particular... financially.

Im not in the position financially to do anything just now and will have to wait until May so its heads down and getting on with daily life just now.

So I have plenty time to build up to this and prepare myself for the end. After ten years, my god there is a lot to sort and I have to try to work something out to keep my house... lots of thinking to do.

Anyhoo

Thank guys xxx

[amicon]

I think you've made the right decision.
Breaking up is tough and ten years is a long time, but when its over,its over.

Are you hoping to keep the house? If so,could you try and find a lodger?

And will the two of you stay under the same roof until May?
Could he move out?

Anyroad,come back when you need to.
All the best.

[Cat1864]

I hope you start feeling better now that you have made a decision.

Remember that this thread will continue to be here for you any time you need/want to add to it.

Good luck.

[smoothy]

You know... 10 years of shacking up together, in many places means a common law marriage. And the rights to property and alimony as a married couple would be due in a divorce. Local laws may vary of the definition and when its in effect. But its something you should look into.

[nobabes]

Thanks guys, I'm going to see an advisor about what happens with the finances (also a question running on here somewhere). And I'm kind of sitting tight until I know where I stand, then I will be able to make it official to him, sounds bad keeping it from him just now, but I could do without the arguments just now until I have a plan. Im not worried about him though as I know he will be financially OK and can stay with his mother until he sorts something out. I however don't have anywhere else to go, so I would definitely be looking to stay in my house.

X

[amicon]

You're in Scotland?
Get in touch with your local Citizen's Advice Bureau for advice.
And check out Scotland/gov.co.uk.for advice on the actual law regarding co-habitating couples in Scotland.
Take care.

[nobabes]

Thanks amicon, I was thinking to maybe get in touch with CA, maybe I'll try see them too this week

[amicon]

Good luck. Keep us posted.
Take care.